Memories in the snow

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I woke up from a dream of being back in my Siberian land. Dreams that take me there are always set in winter. Most of my childhood and youth’s significant events happened in winter and amidst snow and remain the most memorable to this day. Sledging with friends in freezing temperatures when we couldn’t feel our faces, hands and feet, yet incredibly happy and full of joys of childhood. My first kiss, awkward, yet warm and sweet. The day I let him go also took place in the middle of winter with me crying in the bright light of street lamps and snow sparkling all around us. I remember my blue mascara running down my cheek as if it was yesterday and the smell of his winter coat as he pulled me close to his chest. I remember his heart beat as we said good-bye.

I recall ice-skating with my father and falling into the deep snow, up to my waist, in the wilderness forest. We laughed a lot. Another kiss takes me back to a sacred place where memories stand still and not just my own, but for the whole nation. Wearing white hat and mittens in a cream coloured coat I was deeply in love.

As I walked to the window this morning I was greeted with a snow-covered garden and land beyond. Beautiful. It continued to snow all morning and I decided to go into the forest for some nature and elements communion. I always feel it is such a raw, spiritual and necessary experience to immerse yourself in the elements be it rain, snow, sunshine or wind. Each element awakens something within, touches upon places that need to be visited to remind us of what is essential and where we are in life. Crunchy under my feet I found snow and pure white landscape stretching ahead taking me further into my memories and on a journey of seeing and feeling things I hold dear to my heart. Memories flooded in like a bitter-sweet river and looking around me I smiled also feeling a smidge of sadness in my heart. He is long gone, but what he left is a place within me that is unconditional love and to this day I carry it inside and always will. Forest was noisy with splats and swooshing sounds of snow falling off branches. Many trees were bent down under the snow weight touching the ground. I stopped and breathed it all in. I miss him still and I remember everything like it was yesterday. Sadness filled my heart, but it is no longer grief or longing, it is settled and contained, warm and alive. It is love, forever.

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The King returns

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January – the month of masculine energy.

Towards the end of December after The Winter Solstice every year I find myself full of ideas and overflowing with creativity. My strong focus and energy around that time is directed towards ‘doing’, manifesting, creating, putting ideas into action. I am in alignment with masculine energies and its active principle.

Every year it is the same and the connection is clear. As the Sun is born and the King returns, masculine is once again at force and Fire qualities of passion, determination, focus and motivation come to life within me. I cherish this time of year and embrace it fully and it is when I do most of my projects. Ideas come into my awareness one by one like a flowing energy right from the source and I must ‘do’ while the Fire is at its hottest. The energy is powerful and invigorating and even though it threatens to overwhelm, it never does, if I go with it listening to my soul’s voices every step of the way. Things get done and they get done quickly. I often start dreaming of ‘blood’ during this period, as if new fires get born within me one after another. Blood is a life force and I feel alive, electric and powerful.

To aid my productivity even further and honour the masculine energy of progress I often find myself lighting a red candle on my desk almost spontaneously every morning before I begin to write. I am drawn to colour red during this time. January stone is Garnet, beautifully rich and protective in its red deliciousness. I also identify with the Warrior archetype – strong and noble, courageous and driven. I ride a white horse in my visualizations through all terrains with winds howling around me and wolves running beside me. Wolves rule the winter quarter of the year according to Celts and they are fiercely determined and strong and never give up.

As I walk through the forest I see trees shaping the King with a fire torch in his hand lighting up the way for our dreams and watching over the Earth while she sleeps till the first gentle movements at Imbolc.

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‘The spark of life has been kindled again and now needs to be held in the belly of the earth. Allowed to be. Allowed to grow. For this is the domain of the queen. Life must settle a while in her soft womb in readiness for what is to come.’

Ian Siddons Heginworth

Environmental Arts Therapy and the Tree of Life