In a storm

The storm rages like I rage

Eternal conflict between love and freedom

The land encapsulates both

And whenever I see destruction of nature both freedom and love die within me and

I rage like the wildest sea that despite all life’s chains can not be locked away or tamed

That is the essence of my being

I rage like the blazing sun of mid summer when rain is in hiding and the burning is in the heart that can’t be pacified

My Firy love lies in remote corners of the land where the wild heart of its core merges with mine

Whoever steps in it must be beaten with the power of wilderness, must be tested to a point of no limits

My heart bleeds for the land where wolves roam no longer yet their spirits are alive with roar against the tiny hand of humanity

Destroying land is destroying freedom like a dagger through its own mother’s heart whose love prevails no matter what

The wind, water, fire and cracking earth core are voices, fierce in their screams

Freedom and love – only in land I find they don’t conflict within me

Only here I am simultaneously consumed and released

It is the place where death lies next to me gently

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The one constant

My solace, my heart

A breath of new energy needed

I find my peace and sacred space

In you and only you

My one constant, unchangable vessel that carries all that is good and desired

It calms when internal seas rise wild

It teaches when mind is lost

It embraces when sorrow wraps round my heart

It cleans when tears are plentiful

It centres when the world is lost

It grounds when things are shaky

It balances when I struggle to come back

It speaks when the voice is lost

Most of all it maintains a state of feeling and being always here, constant anchor like a faithful dog or a trusted old ship that helps me navigate life

Like a good old tree that stands against all odds and always here to welcome me whatever the weather or season or state of the world

The one constant – nature! The everlasting light and mother, a life-long friend and companion, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to know you truly, love you deeply and relate to you till the end of my days

Love everlasting

The first time I knew you my breath was out to abandonment

My knees touched the greenness of your body and in awe I stood amidst a stone circle feeling protected and contained

I lowered myself into your cooling stream imagining I wash myself anew

I knew then I never wanted to be anywhere else

I knew then my love will last a life time

Do you believe in such beauty that delicately transforms your being into something so light and peaceful that is unimaginable in the world like this

I now do believe and the breath leaves me every time I lay my eyes on a silvery Loch in early evening

How can something be in such calmness among such horrors and unthinkable acts

How can something be so soothing to the soul you know there’s no other home for you, for me, for anyone who dares to love

Words are easily overtaken by feelings and it is experience so profound that saying nothing carries the most weight

I’ve been here again and again and without fail my heart remains faithful to the utter bliss you give me so generously, so unconditionally

Worship… not the word, inspiration may be, most of all it is love like the one been and lost, like the one before I was a grown up, when enchantment, wonder and heart laid bare

Transpersonal, everlasting

Like it sprinkled gold on me permanently that can’t be rub off

It shines on the inside like a fire that’s being kept alive eternally

Don’t you find peace in the love once known? Can you name a more welcomed imprint? It lives on

I know it again, here, in this land

It lives on in its glorious clothing of each season with such beauty that spirit rejoices in simply being

Dreaming alive

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When it is no longer a dream that had haunted me for many years, I can breathe with new vigour and a steady rhythm. It feels unreal yet it is the reality standing in front of you in its raw state and the most stunning presentation that the soul no longer wants to fly with desperation towards it, but rests quietly in its soothing embrace.

Standing on the shore of Loch Tay earlier today I felt as one with the land in a fully physical sense yet it hardly seemed real I was there. I was there, however, I am here now and there is nowhere else I want to be more. I am here and my heart is full of contented calmness and a true familiar feeling of belonging. What this connection is about no longer matters, the search is over. It is just here, in this place and time where the land and I are one. I feel such deep genuine love for this place that I could never imagine possible to feel for anything or anyone. The land to me is a living breathing being and I have always known that. It speaks, expresses and touches me in ways I know as love. My breath is becoming more and more even as I inhale the land’s essence and as inside feels of the same material as outside my heart is no longer in despair of separation, it is at peace of knowing the love I feel, all consuming, forever…

Magical energy is subtle in this place like a lyrical romantic Celtic tune that penetrates you with its singing and invites you in its dance of harmony and rest. Gentle, something you have to learn to listen to in places and join in when invited to.

I dreamt of white animals last night after arriving here. Earlier today a white swan (swans has been a real symbolic thing this year for me) swam in front of me in the lake and then suddenly appeared right next me stretching its long neck in a sort of recognition and curiosity. I felt humbled once more. The gratitude I feel in the last two days is beyond description. I realise that as I continue to love deeply I must also be loved by many, who is making this possible for me to be here. So many hours I have spent looking at pictures of this place over and over again dreaming of the time of our meeting, never thinking it close enough or possible enough to reach and I finally made it here myself. I am happy and here I am as real as it gets.

Separation is often only in the mind and bridging the gap feels impossible when so many voices tell you it is not possible, it is too far, too tiring, too something… Who is really to say something is impossible? No one and nothing can ever stop you from doing something that your heart truly desires and if that something is all that occupies your energy then go for it. When you love something or someone, as I love this land, you have got to go after it. This is no longer a dream, it is constantly alive in my mind, heart and soul and when it calls I go, as to me it is clear that this is essential as the air I breathe.

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