My life is…

I live my life dreaming of my life. It is like a mirror that is turned away from my actual self. I could never find words before for what I experience living my life, but now I see how its back is turned to me and I can only watch it from a dream distance, from afar that is beautiful. It’s neither disconnection nor a merging. It is two ends of the same string that never meet, but always observing in proximity of one another. It is neither unreachable nor allowing to meet as if a suspension is what I experience without ever knowing if it is permanent or temporary. Does it hurt? Not always. What does it mean? I hope or rather have faith in the two ends meeting one day and if it is never to be I know there will be a reason.

For now I live my life dreaming of my life or seeing others live it right in front of me. It makes me cry so, it makes my heart move in awkward positions, it twists me on the inside but also awakens something deeply felt inside. That is a sign that it matters, it has meaning, it is yearning to be completed and so for as long as there’s that craving of the soul and I can see the other end I continue in observation of the life that is my life but not yet.

Can Nature…?

Can nature heal

Can earth bring us back to our knees and pierce its ancient dagger through the heart

Can nature teach you who you are

Can a bird song inspire, delight and speak of both sorrow and joy

Can river wash away the debris of the worldly matter

Can mountain hold you in such a way you never wobble again

Can spring flowers inject a hope into our being

Can roaming animal body remind us of the raw wilderness within

Can the falling snow cover us in sheer enchantment

Can rain drops on the skin put us in touch with our bodies

Can a flight of an eagle inspire strength and power waiting to take flight inside of us

Can God bow before its majesty and weep tears of love

What is it that nature does and doesn’t that makes our lives worth living and speaks of meaning old as centuries

Of nature we are born and to its body we return

As outside so is within

What can be more life, meaning, strength and delight all at the same time

Nature is magic and matter, spirit and body

Bones and blood, skin and intelligence

All embracing…

One place we become whole, we come home, we know what we are

Naked ‘truths’

  • No one thinks about you as half as you think they do (everyone is pre-occupied with working out their ways around life)
  • Emotions are not the same as thoughts (emotions are more primal and instinctual, therefore more valuable in many respects)
  • Life is not about you (nature is not concerned if you are here or not, it just is)

    If something you desire doesn’t happen it is not meant to be (something better will come long meant just for you)

    Dreams do come true (both dreaming and action are required)

    Worry is a waste of energy (things that not happened yet and mostly unlikely to happen)

    You can do it all. Just need to work out what that ALL is for you (it might be less than you think if you really zoom in on essentials)

    Giving to yourself is far from being selfish (we are all here steering our own boat in search of a meaning, which does include helping and caring for others, but it is not everyone’s purpose)

    Kids are wiser than adults (yet untouched by absurdities of life and living the magic of what life is)

    Nature is the source of all life, all divinity, mystery, science and majesty!

    Have a lovely weekend

    The meaning of life is…

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Some questions are easy to answer and other questions have no answer only an exploration of possibilities and improve abilities. What about a meaning of life? For many the answer will be certain and definite and for some the question will never be answered fully or the answer will change as life evolves. Life is about meaning making whether we are aware of its doing or not. Unconscious or conscious we go through life performing tasks and engaging in dynamics that are either meaningful to us or have no identifying factor of meaning included in the experience.

    What is the meaning of life? Like everyone I have pondered upon the question and the closest answer I have come up with for me is that the meaning of life is life itself. It is the very act of living that creates meaning day-to-day. It is in finding what brings your heart and soul joy and then living through those experiences effecting yourself and others around you. Surely it’s got to come from the heart, so to speak, a place where one is truly content with what is in their life be it family, work, books, art or the natural world and al the things include in those categories, feelings, thoughts, dreams, goals. Expression of meaning can come through various undertakings throughout a lifespan and it is unique for everyone.

    What is the meaning of life for you?

    Searching for…

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    Searching for what I know not

    The invisible, senseless, shapeless something

    Grabbing on to nothingness of what’s there

    Where? Here? Not now, not yet, not ever…

    What do we search for? Meaning, fulfilment, purpose, love, joy, happiness? Moving towards having our needs met, things, adventures and people that make our lives full and our hearts singing, feeling useful and present in life, noticed, heard and seen. What do we want? We want to live and not fade into nothingness, that scary uncertain place no one wants to talk about, but let’s. It is not nothingness or empty when a life lived fully can be felt in our blood and expressed even in our last breath. Dying well, dying knowing and conscious holding on to love and vision to the last moment. Preparing to travel to places unseen and unknown.

    Searching is a natural element of life, like a flowing river always on the run not knowing where it will end or will settle, but it does, I am sure it does and perhaps, then the flow begins again? Like trees stripped of their foliage every year come back to blooming again at some point. Trust, faith in growth and movement of life protects and comforts and it is jumping on board of the train seemingly running away into nothingness or river flowing into place unknown, it is that jumping into life that will carry us through and will lead us to whatever we are searching for. It is a journey of searching, questioning, which contains periods of peace and settled feeling, contentment, slowing down, picking up pace again. It is in the mixture and variety, colour and moments of dull despair and the darkest night there is life itself, which is the meaning of it all. Life is the meaning of life.

    Who made the world?
    Who made the swan, and the black bear?
    Who made the grasshopper?
    This grasshopper, I mean-
    the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
    the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
    who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
    who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
    Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
    Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
    I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
    I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
    into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
    how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
    which is what I have been doing all day.
    Tell me, what else should I have done?
    Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
    Tell me, what is it you plan to do
    with your one wild and precious life?

    —Mary Oliver

    Existential…

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    We are born, we bloom and we die. What of those in-between spaces? That is day-to-day living, those are the moments, of which life consists.

    Today, it feels like the past is gone and the future is doubtful and uncertain. There is death anxiety present and struggles with staying in the present moment. ‘What if, if only, can I, when this and that’, how will I, what if I don’t, I suppose I will have to’, etc. – these phrases run through the mind over and over.

    Yesterday I had a vision of my life going forward. I have seen what is there potentially on offer in the next 20 years and it felt good, comforting, grounding and certain, as opposed to feeling very unsettled and doubtful in the last week. It looked contained, structured with challenges and transitional points clearly outlined, but what it didn’t outline was the way one would deal with it and what the actual outcome would be. That is life and no one knows for certain. There weren’t that many things out there, to be honest, it felt clean, clear and peaceful and would present a good life path for anyone, in my opinion. I like that existential language, which often sounds harsh and direct, which goes ‘this is your lot, this is what you’ve got at your disposal, what are you going to do with it or about it?’. I used this with my own clients a few times and it has that vibration of ‘wake up and smell the coffee’. It is startling, but refreshing if allowed to be present with. It is calling to look at life and present circumstances in a very real way (reality check) and see what can be done and how and be aware of the feelings. It is very ‘present moment’, life here and now and what can we do now in order to feel alive and really living. It is calling us to define in a way what we are about and what we want from however many years we might have. I like the idea of knowing what your purpose is and living it out, so to speak, similar to making a decision and sticking to it. I like that vibration of decisiveness and clarity of route.

    I haven’t been in this place before, I don’t think, and if I have been it didn’t come through in the same way. This is really existential. Having gone through a spiritual journey and revival of my soul nature (transpersonal approach), which continues every day, and having looked at childhood set-up and my past (psychodynamic psychotherapy) and worked on self-growth and potential (humanistic approach) what is coming up now is the look at life as it is currently with all there is there, facing cross-roads and defining meaning (humanistic) going forward. It offers options and when one can see a potential path of how things could play out. It gives you certainty to a degree providing one is happy with the vision of their future. I am happy with it for now, as who knows what tomorrow will bring. There is safety in knowing, for sure, and fear in not knowing, absolutely. Both are very valuable. Security and certainty provides a good feeling and so does a vibe of adventure, freedom in a sense of not knowing anything at all. Providing I make it through the years and those around me make it there is a strong chance we make the vision a reality and what a lovely picture that is. In the meantime we live every day as if it is the last doing our best and feeling present and meaningful in our interactions and activities we partake in and feeling ok on the inside. Notice how ‘I’ became ‘we’ in the last few sentences, as I write completely intuitively. There is some meaning in there somewhere pointing towards a collective, community purpose with myself playing a role.

    This phase can be scary and they don’t call it an existential crisis for nothing, as one of the most common descriptions. This, however, really resonates with my personality in terms of questioning, finding meaning and certainty within and following a natural course of life with a few challenges and hardships, but also bagging joyful and precious moments of any day like a beautiful sunrise and a good night sleep, a good meal and a smile of a child. It is all in that in-between space of life, in between we are born, we bloom and we die.