Disconnect to reconnect

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Points of discord or disconnection in a relationship can be seen as opportunities to re-evaluate not only what the relationship means to you but also look at your role within that dynamic and whether what’s required, expected, etc. aligns with your deeper soul space. What does it mean? What happens to you when the other pulls away or pushes you away and vice versa.

It is vital to look at yourself as you are outside of your relationship and without the other. Even though we make commitment to a common experience we are still individuals with our own purpose and direction and if a discord points towards your neglect of self then it is time you stopped and gave yourself a hug or had a word with yourself. In any case what is the lesson that a situation shows you?

We often face a battle in a relationships between external and internal. External being all the cultural, historical, familial, religious conditions and expectations, e.g. An idea of a woman self-sacrificing for the sake of her man and kids and the whole family. Internal being is our inner most deep desires and aspirations. Our soul’s calling, e.g. Travelling the world, working in the wild saving animals or volunteering in a remote area somewhere being of service, etc.

We are often torn (I am talking about women here specifically) between two worlds and it is vital to become conscious of dynamics that create that struggle in a relationship. Brutal honesty is needed with ourselves and others and that would be the first step I would say after becoming aware of the rift within you. That place of confronting the ‘norm’ is scary, daring and feels like one would be criticised and banished. Here we learn how to stand in our own truth and what often happens, not always, that opening of our own concerns and inner cries invites an opening in others. It is quite profound how we all fall into a trap of being what’s expected and ignoring what’s burning within us deep down. We essentially ignore our voice and abandon ourselves. Tragic if you think about it. Breaking patterns of expectations is incredibly difficult. It is what I would call a radical change and that feels and looks impossible to so many. It is hard especially at mid-point of your life when many say, oh it’s too late, etc.
it is never too late to pick yourself up in a hug of acceptance and understanding even when you are the only one acknowledging it.

Tares in a relationship offer an opportunity for us to step back, to withdraw instead of trying make things better, smooth things over and/or rescue the other despite of your own pain. It is brave to step back and say ‘this is not serving me’, a certain behaviour it an attitude is no longer acceptable and often it would be the same pattern repeating against and again and the thing with patterns they can be broken. Will the other hear you? That’s another thing. When you find that voice within to express your non-compliance to the way things have always been what response do you get? One of denial and criticism or one when you are truly heard and supported. Either is a possibility but with that expression and standing up for your inner deep callings of the soul shifts are possible with or without a relationship.

We disconnect to reconnect potentially either to the other in a different way or to ourselves in a deeper way. Nature demonstrates this dynamic very well. Many of us are disconnected from nature externally and internally and nature is often seen as something scary and wild, something one can’t control. It is scary because nature is a catalyst for change and a mirror into our own worlds. It will reflect all that we seek to hide. It activates our senses in a way that we can’t avoid seeing and hearing ourselves. It wakes us up into awareness of the bigger picture outside of our everyday interactions, rules, jobs, the ‘norm’. Stepping outside of that is scary for many. When we disconnect from nature we disconnect from ourselves.

I often exercise going into nature when I am in a dark place. Yes, it takes some internal struggle to step into nature consciously when in that space, but it always feels necessary. I seek connection to myself when there is a struggle on the external level. Lessons are huge and very difficult material is often present, but one thing is for sure there is no other way. It is going through something and not around it that ultimately changes us and the way we relate to others and ourselves.

So if you are currently disconnected, seek to connect in a different, more conscious way and include yourself in that.

How a ‘no’ can be a ‘yes’ in disguise

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What are your reactions when you hear a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ from people in various life situations. It is interesting to observe how our bodies vibrate when we receive something that we ‘think’ we want to hear and how our reactions are when we are refused something.

We all seek feeling good potentially and would like to go in the direction of having a positive feedback from others. It makes us feel good. And that is just fine for as long as there is awareness of what our intentions, motivations, desires are in that moment when we ask for a ‘yes’ or we expect a ‘yes’. WE also need to be aware of what our potentially reaction might be should a ‘no’ come in. Can we handle it? Can we see the ‘gold’ in receiving a message we might not have expected. Can we decipher a message from within that ‘no’ and ultimately turn it into a ‘yes’ for ourselves without anyone or anything being attached to that decision.

I had an experience a few days ago when what I thought I wanted wasn’t in my best interest. I didn’t know that until I received a ‘no’ when my unconscious needs definitely wanted a ‘yes’. It is very useful to self-reflect post a situation, interaction or a turn of event and come to some sort of grounding within to ensure we are ok with what occurred and, if possible, to see alternative ways of looking at things, be fluid with our interpretations. I felt I couldn’t make a certain decision. My heart was saying one thing and my head another and I was stuck for some time, which was an uncomfortable position to be in. After weeks of holding the ongoing debate between my head and my heart I decided to ask for guidance from someone else. Another great tool I am discovering about asking for help and trusting others to lend a helping hand. As I was waiting for messages to come in and still trying to work it out for myself I went with my heart on impulse, or what transpired later, an intuitive leep in order to push things and get them moving and see what happens. I received a ‘no’ to my request, which I ‘thought’ I wanted to get a ‘yes’ to. The interesting shift that happened in my feeling body was a very pleasant relief for the first time in weeks when I heard that ‘no’. In that moment my decision was made. It was a ‘yes’ in disguise, a guiding voice of what was needed, not what I thought I wanted. My fear and anxiety subsided and for the first time in week I felt grounded and fully present in my body.

I thought of parallels of how this can present itself in nature. It is fundamentally about a contrast in energies and vibrations. It can’t be sunny all the time, right? Neither we wouldn’t want it to be, well, I wouldn’t. It is that push and pull between need and want. Nature needs sunshine and warmth just as much as it needs rainfall, frost, decay and snow cover. When I experience nature I am in the vibration of both, what we perceive positive and negative, dark and light and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would neither avoid going for a walk if I am called if it rains. That, to me, means that there is something for me to learn from being in the rain in that moment, on that day. It might not be what I want, but it most certainly always what I need, as I often find out after my commune with nature. ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ work in a similar way and it is up to us to be able to receive it with wisdom and acceptance that it is exactly what we need in any given moment.

What I really want to zoom in on with this example is encourage an experiment with what it might be like to hear a ‘no’? Can you hold it objectively without being thrown into a space where it feels like a personal attack or rejection? Hearing a ‘no’ can tell us a lot about our thoughts, scripts and unconscious wounds we might be carrying that need a light thrown on them. We all like a ‘yes’ and there is nothing wrong with that, but a ‘yes’ can also be a trap if we are not careful. It is all in the vibration of how it is given and the felt sense when we receive it. What does it do to us? Does it feel like it lands in the right place or does it carry an unwelcome vibration? Drilling down into how it feels is helpful going from the initial impact to how energy lands, spreads and surrounds our senses and whether it goes away or stays in a way that feels good or bad.

My ‘no’ was a very strong, assertive and clear ‘no’, a ‘no’ I couldn’t argue with and it felt definite and contained. I felt so much better, as I could finally say ‘yes’ to myself after hearing a ‘no’ from outside. I turned inwards for reassurance and it was there, clear and grounded in the knowledge that a ‘no’ meant I could commit to the right path for me for now.

 

A walk in the rain – New Year’s Day 2017

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It is New Year’s Day 2017 and it feels good. I am walking in the rain rejoicing in the element of Water and can’t help feeling how fitting it is for the rain to come this morning. Water is the element of cleansing and life giving. It is as if the last of things passed are being washed away and a new flow of life opening up to us all. It cleanses our cells of the physical, removes webs from our thinking and invigorates the soul.

I had a cleansing bath ritual last night before stepping out into the annual celebration of the New Year and dancing to the chime of the clock. I always felt there was something very symbolic, special and reassuring when it is time to count down seconds. I felt the moment very strongly with excitement spread all over me  knowing whatever had passed is no longer and there is only now and a possibility of tomorrow.

This morning I woke up and was presented with a list of signatures for this year. Very clear messages, which I will share with you below. An intuitive reading for 2017.

Hard work – this times are inviting us into embracing our skills, knowledge and potential in a very active way, doing things, getting out there into the world and being real and present and to achieve. Hard work is a very earthy sweet signature, which I feel I am going to enjoy.

More forgiveness – get less tangled up with vibrations that really do nothing for us, being able to step away from situations, which concern no parts of you, observe with no judgement and let it be, continue on your way with your heart open at all times.

Gentle loving to the physical – this one relates to our physical bodies, which are seeking lightness and softness from us. Listen to your bodies, align with its needs and desires and give whatever is needed. Try not to exercise control over your body, but rather flow with it intuitively in any given moment. It needs loving attention.

Getting stuck in – similar to hard work speaking of getting involved in causes close to your heart, use the voice that is present within and manifest massages into the world with love and care and compassionate involvement whether it is voluntary work or taking a trip to help a certain cause.

Gifting – give to yourself and others, from within out and from out in. Give and receive. This is another sweet delicious signature I think I am going to enjoy in particular, I feel. Step it up a notch, put deeper thought into what you wish to give and how you can appreciate those around you. Gifting is love.

Opening up horizons, learning – another very important signature inviting us to expand in our knowledge, skills and experience. We must continue to grow, the more we grow the more we feel part of things, the more we learn the more we become accepting of things. Travel, join up with groups, begin a course you always wanted to do. Dare to be brave with your desires to grow.

Stretching into light – a signature of spirit present alongside us at all times reminds us we are never alone and invites us to step into our own light more, take that power back and use it for the good, for the benefit of others, yourself and the world. Walk through portals of spirit, an integral part of welcoming light to the soul.

Rising up to your potential – you are so much more than you have been told, you learnt to believe and convinced yourself to be. You are all pure, strong, filled with light and immeasurable potential. Incredible complexity of each being offers an opportunity to visit every part of yourself and discover gems lying within us under layers of restriction. Dig deeper and rise up through the dark places towards the light of hope and strength. Climb that mountain – the view will be well worth it.

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Mix it up, spice it up – now it’s the time to add ingredients to your life that you’ve been afraid to use. Do not fear your own power, spicing up your vibration and infusing it with delicious mixtures will emit the most beautiful glow. Do not be afraid to use from within yourself what you have always feared to show to the world.

Take care of the base – safe places within us and outside of us need attention and more usage. They need solid acknowledgement and caretaking. Whether it is a safe base within you, your sanctuary you visit when your light feels dim or it is an outside place or a person, people, like your family, take care of those places, as they vibrate and align with love within you. They are precious.

Achievement is one of the primary feeling signatures in me this morning. I feel proud and relieved to have made this far and able to walk through the dense energies of the last few days into this new opening. I walk in the rain and I quickly notice I am accompanied by a light being. It is skinny and fairly small made of light, crystal light. It has no face or clothes, it is a physical body made out of light matter, translucent and floating next to me. It never left my side for the duration of the walk. I was getting wet by the rain and it felt so good. I felt reassured of the light being with me always. A guide of some kind, I thought, and it felt incredibly protective of me, accepting and very present. A part of me that felt like walking with me in the rain was important on this New day. No words were exchanged between us or messages transmitted, but what was clear that within me there is a place of incredible light that can be experienced in life, as real as the rain that touched my face and wet my hair. I smiled more and more, breathed deeply and welcomed all that was present on this morning of new beginnings.

Happy New Year!

 

The quality of ‘wholesome’

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‘Wholesome’ is a quality I associate with home, log fires, animals, living off the land, roots, families, simple life, good food and lots of laughter. I feel comfortable around people who possess that quality and who feel like ‘home’. They are calm, kind, full of humour and warmth. It is interesting to see how what you seek in life when you meet it in others you are instantly drawn to it. Someone once said to me while we had been discussing a relationship problem ‘how do they make you feel when you are around them?’ That was a revelation to me, as I never considered looking at it that way. I never actually considered my own feelings and what was best for me.  And now years later I go with my feelings and intuition always whether it is people, food, job or any choice or decision I have to make. This is non-negotiable to me and it has firmly become a way of life for me. I go with that ‘wholesome’ vibration and ask myself ‘is this going to be good for me?’ ‘how does this person make me feel when I am with them?

I have encountered wholesome people in my life in recent years more, as I resonate with their values and they make me feel at home with myself and the world. I want to be one of them and I feel I am able to be more and more. Yesterday the whole day was transformed for me after coming into contact with wonderful friends, who are just that type of wholesome people. They invite you with warm smile and welcome into their home, make you a hot drink and then tell you something funny, a joke or a silly story. They share something interesting they did with the children or while in the garden. It warms me all over and I realise that this is what I have been seeking all my life, that connection of acceptance and absence of conditions on how to be, what to say, what to do. I am allowed to simply be myself and drink that comfort in knowing people around me are genuine with heart-felt intentions. Here nothing is too serious and nothing that can’t be talked about openly.

In the last few days I have definitely felt a sense of belonging and knowing that I am exactly where I am meant to be. What a wonderful feeling and a new one for me. I have had glimpses of it with my home and my boys yet I have always resisted it and even fought against it unconsciously pushing it away, which resonated with my learnt script of ‘not meant to be happy and joy is NOT good’. (my joy is in the shadow post). Having done a lot of work and come to deep insights about various things I begin to see everything shifting in a direction that I love. This feeling reflects that sweet warmth within that says that I have everything I need and want. I am completely content with myself and the world. This is what I want and what I have been aiming towards. The feeling of home and peace in my soul, my most hungered for vibration for most of my life.

I love where I am, who I am surrounded with and I am beginning to love myself, possibly for the first time in my life.

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