My intentions for this year is to attempt the process of releasing pain that had taken residence within my energetic bodies for a very long time. I have carried it all with devotion and protection. No one ever could or would be allowed to come in.
Expansion into love, beauty, softness and courage is a path I would like to step on this year. Here comes a challenge of not doing everything by myself, not suffering in silence and allowing someone else to show me love and helping me heal. My therapist has a job on her hands that’s for sure.
Last year I managed to learn and embrace the concept of not allowing MORE pain to come in through saying ‘no’ and standing much stronger in my power. It has been very hard, but did pay off in huge ways and I have been able to see and feel the difference in not filling up that ‘pain’ cup, which is inside, with more pain, suffering and negative vibrations. I had been a receiver and a carrier of other people’s traumas and tragedies as much as having my own grief and pain to look after. I learnt to live with it so well to the point it has become the most familiar and safe place to be. I just get pain, I know it, I can carry and hold a lot of it.
My dream last night demonstrated perfectly what is happening within and it shows progress and forward movement in my process. It is so striking that this image should come in already with such clarity of presentation. Things are about to start moving already and it is good news. My heart is in a cage, however, compared with last year when I could not feel, see or find my heart at all, I woke up trembling with my heart beating with such force in my chest I had to lie and absorb that movement for quite a while. It was one of those bitter/sweet experiences, in between joy and sorrow. Last year my heart was frozen, dead even and no amount of healing, meditating, going within would move it. Think Snow Queen, think all archetypes of the wounded feminine, which was once soft, but had to become hard to survive. It was incredibly painful just to be aware of the fact that the heart within me was not alive to the point I could not connect to my body, to the vibration of love, or anything that is softer rather than harder. I know all of these vibrational signatures, I used my intellect to connect with the knowing of it, therefore, through a cognitive understanding I could still function within the emotional realm, yet that disconnection from the physical and emotional bodies had been ‘heart breaking’. To me heartbreak is not only when you feel your heart breaking into million of pieces and you feel the pain physically, but to me, the even harsher tragedy is when you feel nothing at all and unable to connect to what you know is there, yet it is unreachable.
This time, my heart is alive and bleeding in my dream even though it is still in a cage. There might be a piece of glass wedged in it just on the bottom. Last night I could clearly see and feel it. I cried tears of sorrow and joy at the same time, as at least, I felt, saw and experienced my heart again. In a dream it came in a cage. It is not liberated just yet, but at least it is alive. The sensation of it was similar to when you are about to scream and it is stuck in your throat or you see a hand putting a key towards a keyhole, yet you stop right before. It is like that. It is not yet coming out…
What came with the image is a message of how the process is likely to unfold. It will be done with love, softness, courage and seeing beauty in every single thing. It will be done through liberating it, not saving or rescuing. Through giving and receiving love that cage door will begin to open. I will have to be with the bleeding of my own heart for a while, but it is a bitter sweet sensation to me and I know this is necessary to connect with the flow of energy again and it is now accessible. Blood is a sign of life, rebirth and I can feel the new current of life radiating through me. Within that bleeding heart there is love, there is beauty, there is courage and strength.
New Dark Moon energy is delicious to me, it is gentle and soothing, very introspective, reflective of the past and looking towards the future. There is hope and enthusiasm about it, quiet contemplation of what gifts are awaiting us all and enthusiasm for new ideas, which usually are springing to my consciousness around that time.
In contrast to the Full Moon, while others get very excited, I always find it too intense and often hard to bear. I often find that things happen around that time whenever I try and put myself out there, whenever I force myself, things, which are out of alignment happen. During Full Moon my mind is clouded and emotions are dense. Although I absolutely love the Moon’s energy and it is the most pleasant sensory experience for me when I am out in the Moon light with my palms stretched out in front of me with the light penetrating my cells, performing spells or rituals during Full Moon for me is difficult. I enjoy having a quiet ritual simply by spending time with the Full Moon, but that’s as far as it goes. There is often a fair amount of resistance in my physical, emotional and mental areas. It is an interesting observation I have become aware of this year Excited to see what transpires next, as I continue on my beautiful journey of magic living. You see, the journey is very individual just as our energies are individual and how we vibrate and when, there are similarities, but there are also many peculiarities and oddities, which only you can experience. The way to go is to find these things out for yourself and to do that you need to listen to your intuition, pay attention to your body and emotional and energetic vibrations during each Moon cycle. When it doesn’t feel right for me and I can sense resistance I never force it regardless of what plans I might have had for that day or what I had prepared. I do not do it till the time is right for me. This applies to ALL spells and ALL Moon cycles.
New Moon has a lovely light feeling to me with colours of purple coming to mind. It holds a mystery of what is to come, an anticipation, a new beginning, another chance, a new path to take or walk the same path with renewed energy and passion. I feel all elements very present at this time and I invoke all of them when doing a ritual on the New Moon.
I commune with all the elementals asking them to guide me in whatever goals I have in mind and whatever wishes I would like to bring to fruition for my loved ones and my home. I focus strongly on Earth and ground myself with the ‘tree meditation’ inhaling the energy from the centre of the Earth into my whole being and stretching it out to every cell of my physical body and psychic awareness and releasing all tension while breathing out back to the centre of the Earth.
NEW MOON RITUAL
Before a New Moon find an object either in your house or outside in your garden, on a walk or anywhere you go. It can be a stone, a twig, a leaf, a piece of bark, a photograph, a piece of clothing, a statue or a piece of jewellery, a crystal anything that resonates with your intention. Trust that when you begin to focus on finding such an object it should come into your physical awareness. You will recognise it when you come across it. You can perform your ritual in your chosen sacred space inside or outside or you can just sit wherever you are called to do it at the time.
Sit down comfortably, close your eyes and follow your, when you feel you access the ‘in-between thoughts’ state paying a gentle attention to your breath think of all the wonderful things that you already have and wish to come MORE into your life. Declare that everything you think and feel is fully from your heart and from the space of unconditional love towards yourself and others. Think of qualities that you value in your experience, in people around you, which you would like to attract MORE into your life. What is it that you would like to experience more of? Holding your chosen object in the palm of your hand, focus your attention and intention on ‘injecting’ all the qualities you chose into the object, send your energy into it, e.g. generosity, kindness, good health, affection, tenderness, etc. the list can be as small or as big as you wish. You might want to be very specific with one or two things, or you can adopt a general ‘more of good vibration’ approach with this spell. It is entirely up to you and you will know the path you will take once you set on working with it. Once you put all the goodness into your object find a spot outside where you will bury the object. Find a place where it is clean, joyous where you feel the energy is conducive to positive growth and expansion. Let it ‘grow’ in the Earth, ask the Universe to make all of those things bigger and better with gratitude and love. And leave it in there. Your intentions are set and it is done!
Here’s a stone that I found on my Winter Solstice Walk. I love it.
As I walk through nature on the eve of Winter Solstice I feel the pulling and pushing, defending and releasing. There’s a real fight going on between life and death, darkness and light. All is not calm, all is not settled in the howling wind and crows frantic in the air circling the Earth. Energies are high, loud and penetrating. On the search for an object to represent New, represent light and virgin to set intentions for new beginnings.
I sit in the open space being pushed from side to side by the wind as if rocking me to feel everything around me and I do. I sit for a while and take in the turbulence of emotion outside and inside of me. I stand up and walk towards a horse standing by the fence, it gently looks at me and continues to chew on grass with no concern or worry. I begin to feel a certain release of tension and look down. Here it is, right in front of me, the object I have been looking for to use in the New Moon ritual. A stone, which energy is gently rising towards my awareness. I pick it up and put it in my pocket. It feels just right where it is. I breathe a sigh of relief and smile.
Gentle chattering of branches and distant bird songs, a little twit here and there amidst the strong wind. It feels cosy though. I am smiling, my pace is slower and something is released in me as I continue on the path of today.
I feel I am not alone, there are energies surrounding me, beings peaking from behind trees and I feel amused and smiling towards the sky. Collecting attire for my Yule log I come across nature jewels and with thanks I carry it safely with me.
Forest spreads its welcoming arms open in front of me and I hear noises of joy and peace. The wind is now behind me with its threatening howls. Squirrels acrobatically scatter through the trees, as if playing hide and seek. They sit and stare before shooting off again into the labyrinth of branches.
I feel the urge to climb a beautiful giant of tree in front of me. It is enticingly open and vibrates warmth towards me. I must touch it. It vibrates under my fingers and feels like home.
I often shapeshift with trees, who are my safest haven. I feel the wind, the earth, the rain and heat – whole elemental experience from the position of a tree. My experience is intoxicatingly knowing and in perfect alignment.
I turn off the path with renewed curiosity and the cooing of wild life invites me to explore further. There’s a knocking sound coming from my left, I am aware I am about to receive something. Ahh, there it is, It is a clearing towards light and air changes into clean, sudden wisps of beautiful flow. Softness replaces hardness, fierceness gives way to gentleness.
I find myself rooted on the spot, there is more for me here, patience. The wind drops completely and I fall into a state of semi-sleepiness with
only sounds of nature surrounding my senses. The Earth is moist, my heart softens even further. I touch the ground and it is a mixture of old and new, ripe and decayed, soft and hard – all polarities making whole in the Earth which is ALL…
The word ‘Love’ comes into my awareness and what’s this? A bit of Sun?The sky is opening up with tender light, slowly… It smells like wet moss and soil with a hint of flowery scent and woody deliciousness. It is familiar and it triggers childhood memories of picking mushrooms in late autumn, moistness of the ground.
The trees above are waving good bye to me as I walk out of the clearing and towards some houses ahead. I smile and bow.
Something is stuck in my throat, I begin to cough, something is wanting to come out – unsaid emotional pain, anger, sadness, something unexpressed wanting to be released
– a lesson from the Earth I hear. ‘Sit with it, release it free and breathe easy through the belly of the solar plexus’. I hear it, I breathe in deeply and feeling somewhat dizzy I sense all that is suppressed. In the woods I breathe
easy, outside I choke – how telling…
Next I am entering the forest again and I soon find myself feeling stronger, walking taller, with my voice waiting to erupt from my chest like a lion’s roar. I feel that Fire and follow its call into a big scream, a scream for life, a scream for love and all things just and patient. My body tingles
with the glow of gold.
I might be breathless, but I am strong
I might be fierce but I belong with all my softness and tender touch to
thee, the Earth, the universal light.
I can feel a light being behind me flowing with the wind and blessing my steps as I leave my sacred forest with renewed strength and vitality. I feel alive! Welcome light, welcome life!