‘Left me wanting for more…’
‘I love everything you do. You are a blessing!’
‘Very informative and well-presented class. I absolutely loved it.’
‘I felt encouraged, inspired and guided’
‘I want to do more of this magical stuff…’
‘I would have paid even more for it…’
‘Thank you for this transformative experience.’
‘Awesome experience, magic…’
‘Easy to understand information. Perfect.’
January – the month of masculine energy.
Towards the end of December after The Winter Solstice every year I find myself full of ideas and overflowing with creativity. My strong focus and energy around that time is directed towards ‘doing’, manifesting, creating, putting ideas into action. I am in alignment with masculine energies and its active principle.
Every year it is the same and the connection is clear. As the Sun is born and the King returns, masculine is once again at force and Fire qualities of passion, determination, focus and motivation come to life within me. I cherish this time of year and embrace it fully and it is when I do most of my projects. Ideas come into my awareness one by one like a flowing energy right from the source and I must ‘do’ while the Fire is at its hottest. The energy is powerful and invigorating and even though it threatens to overwhelm, it never does, if I go with it listening to my soul’s voices every step of the way. Things get done and they get done quickly. I often start dreaming of ‘blood’ during this period, as if new fires get born within me one after another. Blood is a life force and I feel alive, electric and powerful.
To aid my productivity even further and honour the masculine energy of progress I often find myself lighting a red candle on my desk almost spontaneously every morning before I begin to write. I am drawn to colour red during this time. January stone is Garnet, beautifully rich and protective in its red deliciousness. I also identify with the Warrior archetype – strong and noble, courageous and driven. I ride a white horse in my visualizations through all terrains with winds howling around me and wolves running beside me. Wolves rule the winter quarter of the year according to Celts and they are fiercely determined and strong and never give up.
As I walk through the forest I see trees shaping the King with a fire torch in his hand lighting up the way for our dreams and watching over the Earth while she sleeps till the first gentle movements at Imbolc.
‘The spark of life has been kindled again and now needs to be held in the belly of the earth. Allowed to be. Allowed to grow. For this is the domain of the queen. Life must settle a while in her soft womb in readiness for what is to come.’
Ian Siddons Heginworth
Environmental Arts Therapy and the Tree of Life
My intentions for this year is to attempt the process of releasing pain that had taken residence within my energetic bodies for a very long time. I have carried it all with devotion and protection. No one ever could or would be allowed to come in.
Expansion into love, beauty, softness and courage is a path I would like to step on this year. Here comes a challenge of not doing everything by myself, not suffering in silence and allowing someone else to show me love and helping me heal. My therapist has a job on her hands that’s for sure.
Last year I managed to learn and embrace the concept of not allowing MORE pain to come in through saying ‘no’ and standing much stronger in my power. It has been very hard, but did pay off in huge ways and I have been able to see and feel the difference in not filling up that ‘pain’ cup, which is inside, with more pain, suffering and negative vibrations. I had been a receiver and a carrier of other people’s traumas and tragedies as much as having my own grief and pain to look after. I learnt to live with it so well to the point it has become the most familiar and safe place to be. I just get pain, I know it, I can carry and hold a lot of it.
My dream last night demonstrated perfectly what is happening within and it shows progress and forward movement in my process. It is so striking that this image should come in already with such clarity of presentation. Things are about to start moving already and it is good news. My heart is in a cage, however, compared with last year when I could not feel, see or find my heart at all, I woke up trembling with my heart beating with such force in my chest I had to lie and absorb that movement for quite a while. It was one of those bitter/sweet experiences, in between joy and sorrow. Last year my heart was frozen, dead even and no amount of healing, meditating, going within would move it. Think Snow Queen, think all archetypes of the wounded feminine, which was once soft, but had to become hard to survive. It was incredibly painful just to be aware of the fact that the heart within me was not alive to the point I could not connect to my body, to the vibration of love, or anything that is softer rather than harder. I know all of these vibrational signatures, I used my intellect to connect with the knowing of it, therefore, through a cognitive understanding I could still function within the emotional realm, yet that disconnection from the physical and emotional bodies had been ‘heart breaking’. To me heartbreak is not only when you feel your heart breaking into million of pieces and you feel the pain physically, but to me, the even harsher tragedy is when you feel nothing at all and unable to connect to what you know is there, yet it is unreachable.
This time, my heart is alive and bleeding in my dream even though it is still in a cage. There might be a piece of glass wedged in it just on the bottom. Last night I could clearly see and feel it. I cried tears of sorrow and joy at the same time, as at least, I felt, saw and experienced my heart again. In a dream it came in a cage. It is not liberated just yet, but at least it is alive. The sensation of it was similar to when you are about to scream and it is stuck in your throat or you see a hand putting a key towards a keyhole, yet you stop right before. It is like that. It is not yet coming out…
What came with the image is a message of how the process is likely to unfold. It will be done with love, softness, courage and seeing beauty in every single thing. It will be done through liberating it, not saving or rescuing. Through giving and receiving love that cage door will begin to open. I will have to be with the bleeding of my own heart for a while, but it is a bitter sweet sensation to me and I know this is necessary to connect with the flow of energy again and it is now accessible. Blood is a sign of life, rebirth and I can feel the new current of life radiating through me. Within that bleeding heart there is love, there is beauty, there is courage and strength.