The pull of a new calendar year is strong, as if something in me can’t wait for a clean sheet of paper to start writing another story. It yarns for the taste of spring, for fresh changes. This is very much in the collective at this time of year and I do have some resistance to being caught up in the collective yearly pattern, as I know there isn’t a need to be in that place, yet here I am. Have you noticed how pictures of bluebells begin to pop up here and there around this time? People post them everywhere. It pulls us out of here and now in an instant and we begin to wonder.
Anger is often present for me during this month, which is one of those months I wait to be done with. The cycle of holidays every year and all that comes with it brings a lot of ‘don’t want to be part of it’ feelings. It is quite uncomfortable with a bitter taste that needs to digest and integrate before a new something is seen and experienced. I guess what I refer to is some shadow elements of the psyche is brewing on the surface of my unconscious and, yes, I do recognise it. It needs expression, but also containment. It is angry, expressive, violence-like, impulsive. It needs attention and love, but it doesn’t mean it is a nice picture to look at. It is often not and it can be loud especially in dreams when I know how to parcify it during waking hours.
Very similar in nature if you notice in certain places, like the one I just came from, e.g. everything was grey and not just in a way of rainy skies, but the whole atmosphere was covered with colour grey, dull and feeling like it’s not enjoying it. I describe this energetically, but visually it looks like a wet, old rag, for example, that can do with a bit of whiteness injected or a dirty water that’s stagnated. It needs renewing, refreshing.
If I was to describe it as a feeling in the body that would be stress, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, ‘bags under eyes’ type of presentation. It is a sort of wanting to rest yet being restless as monsters are moving within in the dark, under the ground.
I know the ‘beast’ very well although I haven’t seen it or heard for sometime. With me the triggers are stress and being stretched or asked to do things I don’t want to do. These have been running for years. During this time I also pick it up from others easily and that overwhelms me a great deal. December is like the remains of something, like the last residue of some unpleasant drink or wet ashes post fire.
This year has all been about doing things differently and the above patterns have also run their course. Enough is enough I’d say. There’s got to be another way of expressing shadow material so that it doesn’t just have its needs’s met and go back into a state of being parcified, but it has a chance to transform into or balance with the opposing force. Something is needed immediately as these things arise. More transforming and less keeping in awareness I’d say. I will give it a go next.
Happy 2019! Let it offer more explorations and awareness. Further success and achievements, more joy and satisfaction.
The first time I knew you my breath was out to abandonment
My knees touched the greenness of your body and in awe I stood amidst a stone circle feeling protected and contained
I lowered myself into your cooling stream imagining I wash myself anew
I knew then I never wanted to be anywhere else
I knew then my love will last a life time
Do you believe in such beauty that delicately transforms your being into something so light and peaceful that is unimaginable in the world like this
I now do believe and the breath leaves me every time I lay my eyes on a silvery Loch in early evening
How can something be in such calmness among such horrors and unthinkable acts
How can something be so soothing to the soul you know there’s no other home for you, for me, for anyone who dares to love
Words are easily overtaken by feelings and it is experience so profound that saying nothing carries the most weight
I’ve been here again and again and without fail my heart remains faithful to the utter bliss you give me so generously, so unconditionally
Worship… not the word, inspiration may be, most of all it is love like the one been and lost, like the one before I was a grown up, when enchantment, wonder and heart laid bare
Like it sprinkled gold on me permanently that can’t be rub off
It shines on the inside like a fire that’s being kept alive eternally
Don’t you find peace in the love once known? Can you name a more welcomed imprint? It lives on
I know it again, here, in this land
It lives on in its glorious clothing of each season with such beauty that spirit rejoices in simply being
It is rather warm this morning. There are signs of life and light everywhere. Nothing brings more hope into my heart than encountering seeds with roots on them, young and delicate on the forest floor dig up by animals and birds to eat. When I look at seeds I see life, I see potential, I see spring. Even when the light is well-hidden behind the veil of darkness and buried deep within the unreachable layers of life we know light is there just as we know how much there’s within us and only if we are brave enough to dig deeper we can just find more than we thought possible. I find this season incredibly inspirational. It speaks of inner light and potential more profoundly than any other state.
And so spring will come again…
The promise of spring lies deep within the earth we walk on
With every hour and every day the light grows brighter into being
The silence and nakedness of it all is loud with life stirring deep in the darkness
Like spring life blooms, like winter it dies
yet we know so it should be with hope
If you listen with your ear to the warm belly flowers kick and a song rises from a distant flock of birds bringing new life to the next cycle
And so it goes year after year, life after life, death after death and amidst it all is us part human part nature in a dance of eternity swaying in the wind and washing in the rain in compete surrender to it all
And what a joy it is to be, to wake and rise, to fall and die over and over like a never ending beautiful dance of everything there is. As above so is below, as within so is in nature. The perfect harmony of light and darkness, the perfect end of the beginning
The season evokes hope in me like nothing else. Bitter winds slapping me into here and now, reminding me who I am and where I am. Fresh bite of freezing temperatures penetrates my skin and I feel instantly renewed. The pure white scenery of the land is otherworldly yet it is right here in front of me and I am so grateful to be a part of it all, belonging…
The season inspires me like no other. In its nakedness so much is revealed and a space is created. When the light seemingly goes out on outside and the Moon is on its throne, the fire within me grows stronger. I love the darkness and its protection. I love snow and its tender nurture for the earth’s peaceful sleep. I love all life and regeneration that goes on underneath earthly layers. I love the freedom winter brings to the spirit that enjoys the spaciousness and a blank canvas to be used.
Beautiful architecture of stripped down trees reveals the essence of being, just as it is, with no embellishments or cover ups. It’s beautifully vulnerable yet their strengths lies within its roots. Just like for all of us when we dig deeper we find gold. Deep within the darkness we find connection, we cultivate networks and comradeship to our spirit and all that’s around us. Either a tree form or a human form we are the same in life, made of the same material and that is comforting to know.
Yule is near and the first promise of light carries hope that all will bloom again. My heart grows with excitement and content knowing the wheel is about to turn once more.
Many seasonal blessings!
Are you the wind that whispers in my ear or a stream beneath my feet with its bubbling tones
Are you a bird, a tree, a flower that I encounter or are you silence amidst the night air
I feel you in all corners of existence
Be it noise or quiet, dark or light
You are in all the tapestry of life that I perceive daily
You are moments of my holding breath and standing still when my heart wants to fly away to all the places that you are
You are my life’s anchor like the oldest wisdom there is that tells me to stay, to act, to dream and be
You are my life as much as anything I know that I am. Made up parts of one whole, a million of others merged together yet I can pick you apart from any other
You feel most of all like home, a soft fleshy part of my soul a colour of the purest blue and green and purple
I take you in with each breath as if the sweetest taste I have ever experienced
I am grateful to you for touching the earth and imprinting my heart with you and only you that for the rest of my days I will always know what it feels like to love, to grieve, to grow and surrender…
As a new dawn rises over the horizon every morning and root tunnels under a tree in winter begin to stir in anticipation of a new beginning we know of our own potential to start again, to achieve and to grow. As in nature so is in our soul. There is no difference in processes that are within us and out in the natural world.
‘Don’t have time’ is a myth. Time is time and we are in control of what we do with it. When we say we don’t have time it might just mean we are using it on things non-essential or overwhelming ourselves with things that can either be delegated, postponed or even stopped all together.
‘When I have more time’ is an excuse. More time may mean you will do anything but what you say you want to do. More time can also mean less focus and discipline, less structure. Heard of deadlines? I like those as they provide containment for tasks and endeavours and focus efforts and mind on a task therefore often less time or the perception of it can be beneficial to show you how good you can be in consolidating efforts and focusing.
If we want something badly enough we will find the time, always, one way or another. That’s my experience and I am sure many would join me in that. It might take some time to get to that point but mostly it is all in our minds and how we look at it rather than actual time available to us.
Human cognitive constructs keep us back and away from achieving things we are sure capable of if it wasn’t for our mind’s constant talk and us believing its every word. We trap ourselves without realising. What about if we change our perception of our thoughts, we evaluate them as and when they come up. Do we really believe what it’s saying to us on a regular basis. Do we realise that not only we don’t have to listen we can also disagree, ignore and redefine a few beliefs to benefit our moving forward. Here’s an idea. It is all possible.
Realising that whatever is desired within reach is a truly liberating feeling that resides between a heart and a stomach in the body. It has a vibrant, warming sensation with it that can ignite a self-belief and in turn fire up the mind in a way that is focused and purposeful. Our potential is boundless and as we travel we find it out in one way or another. Yes, it requires work and determination, but sometimes things just flow in and out of our experience with ease and comfort. It is in allowing for anything and everything to come in so we can make decisions in which direction we go. Choices are provided and if we are brave enough to take them up we can grow and complete things we want.