Samhain 2018

Baba Yaga Samhain

As Samhain is approaching I am afraid less and less. The gap between Air and Earth elements within me lessens. I have been thinking too much lately, unable to land and stand still, but I have learnt over the years that sometimes this is necessary to do if anything for the sake of noticing what tends to happen within and at what times. I needed to hold all possible thoughts in my mind to be able to work things out and yes, it can become tiring and overwhelming, but with applying awareness it is possible to slow the process down. What helps the most in these instances for me when I know some part of this process is necessary, but I can also feel myself being swept away with it, is walking. Walking slowly and mindfully, connecting with the natural world in a physical sense, e.g. touching tree branches and feeling the earth underneath the feet, picking up leaves and pressing them against my face. This time of year always creates a build-up of various energies and can feel ‘too much’. We can become vulnerable and even lost, but throughout it all every time I feel that strong support that only the Goddess can provide. I am familiar with the part of myself that is deeply knowing, trusting and calm. It is the time for re-birth and transformation, quite big metamorphosis. I have been dreaming of a surge in my masculine energy, as well as parts being ‘killed’ off, but the most important vision this year is the one with Baba Yaga holding a huge egg of potential in her hands. She is guarding and protecting it for me while also smirking and laughing wickedly into the cold air of approaching winter and tells me to trust, to rest and be open. She tells me ‘no’ only in a way she can and I understand it well. What she means is to be patient and drop demands for answers, as they won’t come when in a restricted state. It needs to relax to receive. She also reassures as always that we all know what we need. All that is needed is for us to stop trying to get in a way of things flowing naturally.

I feel very exposed at the moment yet allowing and not afraid. Baba Yaga always shows me how inner wisdom can be extracted with some sitting quiet time, perseverance and looking for knowledge within ourselves. She holds all the wisdom of the world yet she would never give it away freely, instead she waits for the one to discover it within themselves. She is not withholding, she is protective and encouraging in a way that makes you want to achieve, know more and pursue whatever feels right at the time.

I feel stronger this year, more in line with the energies of the earth than ever before and allowance of things to flow through is truly the key to a peaceful way of being even in times of challenge.

Blessed Samhain, everyone, and let the next year be prosperous, insightful and fulfilling on all levels.

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Dreaming alive

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When it is no longer a dream, which had haunted you again again for many months, years, you can breathe with new vigour and steady rhythm. It feels unreal yet it is a reality standing in front of you in its raw state and the most stunning presentation that the soul no longer wants to fly with desperation towards it, but rests quietly in its soothing embrace.

Standing on the shore of Loch Tay earlier today I felt as one with the land in a fully physical sense yet it hardly seemed real I was there. I was there, however, I am here now and there is nowhere else I want to be more. I am here and my heart is full with contented calmness and a true familiar feeling of belonging. What this connection is about no longer matters, the searching is over. It is just here, in this place and time where the land and I are one. I feel such deep genuine love for this place that I could never imagine possible to feel for anything other than another human being. The land is a being, breathing and living and of that I have been convinced of for many years now. It breathes, speaks, feels, expresses and touches me in ways I know this as love. My breath is becoming more and more even as I inhale the land’s essence and as inside feels of the same material as outside my heart is no longer in despair of separation, it is at peace of knowing the love I feel, all consuming, forever…

Magical energy is subtle in this place like a lyrical romantic Celtic tune that penetrates you with its singing and invites you in its dance of harmony and rest. Gentle, something you have to learn to listen to in places and join in when invited to.

I dreamt of white animals last night after arriving hereand as a white swan (swans has been a real symbolic thing this year for me) swam in front of me in that lake of sheer beauty next it appeared right next me stretching its long neck in a sort of recognition and curiosity I felt humbled once more. The gratitude I feel in the last two days is beyond description. I realise that as I continue to love deeply I must also be loved by many, who is making this possible for me to be here. So many hours I have spent looking at pictures of this place over and over again dreaming of the time of our meeting, never thinking it close enough or possible enough to reach and I finally made it here myself. I am happy and here I am as real as it gets. Separation often is only in the mind and bridging the gap feels impossible when so many voices tell you it is not possible, it is too far, too tiring, too something… Who is really to say something is impossible? No one and nothing can ever stop you from doing something that your heart truly desires and if that something is all that occupies your energy then go for it. When you love something or someone, as I love this land, you have got to go after it. This is no longer a dream, it is constantly alive in my mind, heart and soul and when it calls I will come and be with it, as to me it is clear that this is essential as the air I breathe.

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‘Noticing’ as a path to true living

When my child says something is beautiful be it a scenery, painting, a person’s face or an experience it goes right to my heart. It is a felt experience for me to hear and know that he’s noticed something that truly touched him. I learn from my son the art of appreciating what is in the moment and banking those moments into a bundle that is a life truly lived.

When we notice, we are present, we are in a felt experience of what is going through us and touching us as a living being energy. The more detail we notice in something or someone the deeper we go into the moment of being present with what is now, what is alive and speaking to us.

To me hearing my son express his delight in what he observes represents a true living rather than a passing energy of existing in a chain of life events, day to day, week to week. It tells me something is always worth noticing, examining, learning no matter how small. It speaks to me of a quality of always wondering what the next day, trip, touch and experience might bring. It is remaining curious and fully in life at all times. It is, to me, is beautiful, and who is better to connect us to that way of being than children, whose light shines through unapologetically and if it’s expression is allowed to be authentic at all times then we benefit from that more so through connecting not just to a real experience of knowing our children, but also re-connecting to our own inner child, which often gets forgotten as we get old.

Descending into darkness with joy

descend into underworld

The excitement within me rising this Mabon in anticipation of the descent journey that is starting. This part of the year is not going to change for me, I feel, as I adore the darker part of the year and get truly excited about the journey within. I love shorter days and the fact that days do end and we can go to sleep (in more ways than literally) and wake up with new perspectives, tapping into our treasures offered by dreaming and journeying in the dark.

As moaning for the summer is apparent I am happy to put that to rest to move on. There is a clear flowing movement within me that taps into places deeply intuitive, magical, wise and feminine within me. Observation of the decline in nature is beautiful to me, as I am aware of just how much lies within the idea of dying and living, dying and being born again, of the potential that is held safely within nature and all of us. The journey of going within and descending into all the corners, even the darkest ones of our psyche is incredibly exciting and I am fully aligned with the wonder of the gifts that it holds. Only through going down we are able to come up. There is again no light within darkness and that is the nature of things. It is how life is, nature is, weather is, cycles are and embracing the beauty of constant regeneration and transformation will offer a lot of wisdom and insight into how we are in the world, our ways of relating, giving and receiving.

Energy begins to bubble within me at this point in autumn that is nicely contained and deeply nourishing to the soul. My dreams begin to take me places I am yet to visit or had already visited before, reminding me of possibilities of paths one can take spiritually or in the physical reality. Dream world presents richer and fuller with imagery, colours, motifs and themes that tend to repeat themselves. Faces are clear, sensations are felt fully, voices are clear and directional and my steps are steadier and more in line with my purpose than ever. I look forward to going to bed, I notice that more clearly. I like darkness.

I wish you all a blessed descend this quarter and if you never thought about it or felt like attempting it, do it consciously and with no fear. You will not regret what you can potentially discover on the other side and as spring comes again a renewed psyche will propel you into new dimensions and ways of being you never thought possible. It all begins with the darkness and that is why the dark part of the year is so needed and important so when light returns it shines brighter and more conscious than ever in areas that will lead it to the meaningful and purposeful ways of relating, being, thinking and feeling.

Many blessings!

Learning from the Wheel of the Year

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Mabon Blessings to everyone on this beautiful early autumnal morning!

The air today is ever so slightly chilly and I wholeheartedly welcome it. It speaks to me of the time we start  our slow descent into the misty, chilly and dark. Land, weather and personal transformations are beginning. I love the darker part of the year and my functioning is the most optimum between October and April, however, this year things have been different in a way of transforming the last remaining sticking points as far as summer is concerned. I feel I did well and managed to extract a multitude of useful lessons about myself, the world at large, the idea of life-purpose and where and how things fit in.

The Wheel has turned once again and today is Mabon, the time for harvesting, re-evaluating and giving thanks for all the blessings we have experienced this summer. The summer has been hot, prolonged, dry and often trying. It taught me about withstanding hardships and remaining centred on the heart and present in my life more. I was faced with a quality of tolerance within, which had been invaluable. Just as we wait patiently for the seed to germinate, push through and grow towards its most potential, the summer reflected that to me and I was rewarded with early harvest. Planting happened later this year due to snow and frost in early and late spring, yet things caught up and the heat accelerated growth and made me face things sooner rather than later. I didn’t plant much either consciously, as this year for me is about simplifying and focusing on a few things only, clearing the space for emotional, cognitive and spiritual processing. Bounty came in the summer in small quantities and it felt so good. The message of ‘just enough’ re-enforced the work I start doing back in winter. Another aspect of having enough and sharing with those around you in pleasure and gratitude has always been a blessing. The heat burnt my potatoes, however, earlier in the summer and very quickly dry plants disappeared amidst the blanket of thick weeds, so I had to go on a hunt for produce. That taught me about challenges and things often changing very quickly and being ok with what is presented right in front of us. It is ok to just observe and continue with what we have without necessarily spiralling into judgement, regret and giving up. That clear representation of the quality of observation with tolerance and potential hardship taught me ‘to be with’ yet again and be completely grateful for what we do have rather than focusing on what we think we don’t have. Sensation of that I found very pleasant, releasing and freeing.

I suffered with pain in my legs and back from early spring and found it challenging, however, I also knew that in order for new transformations to occur this year I had to have something to work with and this was one of those things where I had to look at living with physical pain. I wrote about it earlier this year. Through the summer pain continued and so did my life and that was the lesson of things continuing, moving on, changing, the Wheel turning no matter what and we can either fight and resist it or accept and move with it. The release of my associations with pain transformed hugely this summer and just as looking at dead and not ‘very healthy’ crops amidst the summer heat and as I begin to dig them out with love and attention I began giving myself the same. I aimed to understand, accept things as they are without judgement and wanting anything to be different.

At the end my harvest was complete pretty much at beginning of August in terms of produce or so I thought… On my return to the plot in September I discovered a few more gems waiting for me and my heart delighted in it. Seeds were hanging ripe on dry stalks representing bounty and potential in the future and underneath dry and covered with weeds stalks there were plump bulbs of goodness. Again, the idea of ‘just enough’ was clearly present and again it felt profoundly satisfying.

I am yet to dig all my small, but perfectly clean and tasty potatoes out of a patch of land covered with all sorts (treasure hunt-like) and I am taking my time with it applying patience and joy when working on the land. I appreciate everything about it and tend to continue nourishing and nurturing it for years to come. It holds immense lessons for me as seasons change and the Wheel turns every time. Things come and go, start and end and start again and so does our life with all its highs and lows and everything in between. I very much look forward to what the season brings.

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Isle of Mull 2018

My heart, my soul, my bones and blood

I honour and cherish and yearn when apart