Intuitive blogging/writing

Always coming back to INTUITION. It is my gold and my one true MAGIC!

RAW NATURE SPIRIT

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This practice unfolded for me over the years revealing such gems from within my unconscious, which very often would align with what is needed generally in the world at any given moment. What a gift our intuition truly is. It takes us places wonderful and magic, which then lead to more magical experiences and connections. Nowadays there is no other way for me to write, but from the soul, spontaneously uttering words, which are ready to be spoken.

I also always find later on at some point, someone comes along, who clearly needs to hear that message that I previously blogged about and I can go to that piece and share it with the person in need passing on my experience whether it is an exercise, an image, a spell or some psychological healing technique or exploration.

It feels wonderfully embracing to be able to express myself, most of the…

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What if we saw it for what it is…

woman s face with light reflections
Photo by Eugene Golovesov on Pexels.com

Mental health issues are the result of the affliction of the soul, my belief still stands to this day, something I always knew since birth. For how long the lack of soul diving can sustain itself? It can live in suffering for a life-time, but then it is not a life, it is a compliance with what is structured and enforced, no more and no less. To me going against your soul is a crime, perhaps, the only real crime in this life-time. When going against your will and soul’s calling repeatedly a multitude of mental health problems occur. The good news, it can be changed once awareness is brought forward continuously, daily, with unwavering degree of dedication and commitment. It is an excavation work with of the highest order.

Imagine we as divine and unique beings that came here to manifest our gifts and express our essence instead got hijacked, plugged in and fed through a tube of enforced ideas and believes. Imagine we were given a life-script, which resembled almost word-by-word all the other scripts ever invented. Oh wait, there is only one script for all. We don’t need to imagine, do we? We comply and comply and try to implement a plan designed via this universally accepted script yet many fail and not just that but through trying so hard to cope with our own compliance our mental and physical health collapses, for some slowly for others quickly and dramatically. It is very simple and clear why that occurs, so you see?

We are not designed to be put in a box of what doesn’t feel good. In fact feelings are bad and simply of no significance or use and just nonsense according to this script, so forget feelings and just follow the script and that will be your life. Who are you to argue there’s something else out there? How dare you to consider anything else? What do you want to know yourself for when it is all laid out in front of you?

Issues arise when through suppression of our nature, urge, desire of the heart, creativity, freedom to speak and choose, living in a construct that suffocates most of us happen and it has been happening since the beginning of time. What if we fed our souls instead, what if we saw the truth of existence and the purpose of self-expression through life? All we need is to see, really see it all for what it is. There’s nothing to fear as your inner power had always outweighed any other power million times over. See into the external as if it was a film playing on the screen. How many times you’ve seen it before? Why is it on a loop? Try switching it off and tune into your inner story. There, that is new, interesting, vibrant waiting to be told. Extract the voice from within no matter what it takes as long as you hear it again after all this time. Tell your own original story to yourself quietly and savour every word. Let it come alive through words you speak and rejoice in its own narrative. How and why we forgot it? We know how and why; now we can see. We all fell for it as our parents did and their parents before them. We kept on falling until our knees didn’t bleed anymore, until there was no signs of any fall at all; out falling became automatic and invisible. ‘Just the way it is, just the way it is’, you hear parents say to a child when they ask a question why? Remember those whys and don’t want tos? We all heard in reply ‘because I said so, because it is just how it is, just something we always did and all we know’. Do you see the repetition in the cycle of deafness and blindness to our inner and giving out to the outer every time? We expect to be told what is what just like watching TV for instructors from government. Ask yourself who and what is government? The answer is staring us all in the face and always have done. We are a herd following the words of the so-called leaders, who are no more aware than we are. We are all just going in circles, afraid to get off the runaway train in case we fall and that time will notice the grazes, the blood. It is the blood that’s needed, a life released through feeling the pain accumulated within. All of us highly functioning individuals on depression and anxiety with coping mechanics so ingrained that we don’t think about it. We carry on regardless when all the time our souls scream in this hell that has been created for us and lured us in like blind into a place of suppressive deafness and mute submission.

What happens to all suppressed material it gets accumulated in our psyches like thick stagnated matter. It brews into dark manifestations and penetrates the unconscious; both collective and individual. What was once gifts turns into ‘demons’ we begin to see as enemies; something we need to go to war with. They erupt in violence, unspeakable acts against others and ourselves and others one by one join us in the war against our own goodness, our own awareness wanting to be known. We lose, we get even sicker, even madder, even more broken and so it goes on with more children born into this script, into this story of life that is death, devoid of soul speaking through us, into silence of what is to come.

Rise up from within, at least try. There is everything to gain if life is to feel content, balanced and our hearts soft and simply okay with whatever is here for us. We don’t surrender to external once we see it for what it is. It is follow and empty, it is grey and pointless. Why would we give any of our essence to that?

My life is…

I live my life dreaming of my life. It is like a mirror that is turned away from my actual self. I could never find words before for what I experience living my life, but now I see how its back is turned to me and I can only watch it from a dream distance, from afar that is beautiful. It’s neither disconnection nor a merging. It is two ends of the same string that never meet, but always observing in proximity of one another. It is neither unreachable nor allowing to meet as if a suspension is what I experience without ever knowing if it is permanent or temporary. Does it hurt? Not always. What does it mean? I hope or rather have faith in the two ends meeting one day and if it is never to be I know there will be a reason.

For now I live my life dreaming of my life or seeing others live it right in front of me. It makes me cry so, it makes my heart move in awkward positions, it twists me on the inside but also awakens something deeply felt inside. That is a sign that it matters, it has meaning, it is yearning to be completed and so for as long as there’s that craving of the soul and I can see the other end I continue in observation of the life that is my life but not yet.

From wounded to confident – journey continues…

Beltane is coming and the energies that had long been set up are STILL present! Attend to them again over and over and know that some things are not done until they are done, often it is a life-long journey.
Distorted masculine is at play strongly right now and the feminine is drowning yet again. Hold her this Beltane, within yourself and if you feel vulnerable allow yourself not to engage. Do whatever is safer. Enjoy the energy of this blooming spring in whatever way you choose and know it doesn’t have to be in union with another. That is a script that many internalised earlier in life and have been trying to build and connect throughout lives, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Blessings!

RAW NATURE SPIRIT

Maiden on Beltane No other month, I find, triggers me into sorrow and anger more than May and I have been coming into awareness why over the last two years. Beltane is always a trigger. I have been working with balancing feminine and masculine for the last few years. Bringing the feminine forth and learning how to be that and balancing the deeply distorted masculine, which lived within for so long, but didn’t work within my ‘female’ soft being. I now connect well to the feminine, strong, soft and vulnerable, wise and compassionate, yet masculine, although missing violent, aggressive and abusive side, is yet to be redefined within me. This is one of the posts that I suspect I am yet to write about the process of connecting with the Divine feminine and masculine.

This year my Maiden appears different. I suspect it happened as a result of me coming into the energy…

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Daytime dreaming

Daytime dreaming is a space of clarity. Without realising I have been using it as a way of stopping thoughts and entering a place where answers could be heard. Different from nighttime dreaming. Shorter bursts of dropping into sleep is an important factor. One question – one answer. I needed that.

Detach, unhook, untie, put a distance between what pulls you, remain, hold on to a silent part of you, quietude, muted state or not engagement. In that there is freedom, rest, peace.

My own reflection looked back at me from an old photograph and I recognised the exact one it was. I felt its texture, I knew it’s colours. Myself, as of observing from outside of my body. It was in the eyes that I held the gaze, just held it. Nothing else was needed. Pause, resist the pull, take that breath but don’t give it away, keep it for your own body, relish it like food that you need. Silence is everything, it is where sacred and simple both reside. All that’s needed is your body, the rest is known if only you resist reaction audible, if only your words are not released.

Daytime rest feels needed to receive short bursts of insight. Profound as its nighttime companion yet more precise.

Try it for yourself and apply to what’s needed for you right now, today. It does relate to the collective need but you take care of you own manifesting, the only way to make a difference. This detachment will cleanse the vibration for your physical, emotional and spirit-you, which in turn will make forward flying easier. Relish the quietude in every way.

I don’t want to…

What is the thing that you would say out loud if you were 100% authentic even if just for a moment.

This is the most authentic I have ever been probably and I am saying it out loud and it feels incredibly liberating.

When I was small I was known for saying ‘I don’t want to’ a lot. I resisted, fought, defended whatever my heart held precious and I stubbornly stamped my feet in not wanting either doing or feeling. It applied to many things and now as an adult I understand that state of authenticity and I admire it in my inner little girl even though she lost that fight pretty early on, around five years old. The ‘I don’t want to’ got silenced for life I’d say, but the inner grumble never went away although compliance took over on a scale unimaginable to her but necessary for mere survival.

I never believed or ever will for as long as I live in suppression of emotions of any kind and going against your soul I consider a crime. I have always known that. Life had different ideas, hence a coat of sadness cling to me all my life as a knowing of what’s underneath. Physical beauty only intensified the pain within and the split between inner and outer always felt unbearable. This world always felt too difficult to be in, to handle, to operate and survive. I did. We all did in one way or another. It’s not all bad, of course it’s not, as moments of sheer ecstasy and happiness did come and I can count them on one hand and remember each and every one of them like it was yesterday and always will.

So, last night I wrote this, which brought back the ‘I don’t want to’ back and this time it is near to stay, to speak out loud without shame, worry, care or fear of any kind.

What would you say ‘I don’t want to’ today to help bring yourself back home, to a state where you know yourself as best you can and there are no more cover ups or excuses, only truth, your truth!

Freedom or connection?

Extinction or restoration?

Been in conflict with this since last year and extinction is so wanted. Tired, don’t want to do it, want to be free, not in connection with anyone, don’t want to help or rescue anyone, too hard.

Freedom/death/no more/no faith in humanity/not up to me/don’t want the responsibility

But I am called to do this because apparently someone thinks that I can. Restoration needed

You have got to heal how to be a mother – wow, not that again, don’t want to

I need to be in the right place to activate this, to heal this. No, I don’t. I don’t want to

Ultimately I don’t want to even engage with it let alone dive into it aiming to heal. I feel like I am done and whatever is left will always be and I am ok. Freedom and peace is what I want. I am tired of this world and just want to enjoy whats left for me and my family.

Burn out that’s reached its ultimate peak. All the things that defined me in a forceful way but were never me and what I wanted are now surrendering and giving up. Enough they say, we are not doing it, we are not moving. Stubborn energy and some might relate to it as selfish but to me it is like a defence in the name of my authenticity. It is not avoidance or resistance it is a very firm NO. I really really really don’t want to be there for others when I don’t want or need to be. I want to do nothing. My wants are minimal, very simple and singular. I want to sit in a chair for hours and just look at the trees outside. I want to walk from

Room to room with no particular purpose, I want to write some words and fall into the flow and don’t come out of it till I want to come out of it not when I am expected to break it or interrupted to break it. With a sigh and an inner grumble I do but I don’t want to. I don’t need or want a purpose to define my being here on earth at this time. I don’t need to be somewhere with someone doing something I no longer need to fulfil needs and wants of someone else or an idea that I should. It’s stupid to me and when I have to do it I don’t feel great even though I have to. It doesn’t give me pleasure or joy or anything I’d call fulfilment really because I want none of that and never wanted it really. It all just happened, I fell into many traps and often consciously because that’s what everyone does and blah blah blah. It is boring to me, pointless, flat and dull.

I am also quite tired of discussing it, debating it, going over it like a wound that will never heal and I know it won’t until I stop picking at it and just Forget it is there. It wants to be forgotten too I think. It doesn’t want to be a reminder either. We all want peace and that’s as simple as that. I am not driven to save the world, I am not in a chase after recognition or validation or approval. It gives no value to my life at all. I want don’t need any of that. What I want is just be, observe, be present with my surroundings and write my reflections on what I see, feel and think. I don’t want to make an impact or earn a lot of money or worry about things like school and politics and society in general. Island is my favourite type of land for dwelling where I literally feel cut off and unreachable by anyone or anything. I want to be felt like I am far away or not even existing. I want to be in that sort of hiding and not be interrupted by life as others know it or think it should be. I want little, hardly anything.

Frustration grows in me with this life. I am pushed and pulled and demanded upon and I do love my boys and I am lucky as they understand my need for being, just being with not needing to attach to anything. I do like looking after them but often I don’t want to and that’s ok. We all get it and I am grateful for that.

Ostara 2020

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Why this Ostara is particularly important…

Blessings on 2020 Ostara, everyone and what a vital time this is to honour, celebrate and appreciate what we have and love. The season of transition is at its peak, which goes hand in hand with what is happening around the globe right now. We are entering into a space of uncertainty and ask ourselves ‘will be seeds sprout? Will I be sustained over the hard times ahead? Will the harvest be bountiful to keep us in nourishment?”

What we plant right now is important for what we will reap later on. It is time to take care of ourselves and our consciousness in a way we might not have done before. The seeds of growth and change have never been more important on every level – how we think, how we honour our feelings and how we act as a result of self-awareness and self-reflection.

When most of us will be practicing indoors this weekend, stand by the light and plant your seeds on windowsills. Everyone and everything needs the light, warmth and sun to grow and even if it is often invisible to us these days, know it is there, in existence and support of our conscious efforts. Know that the birds, mountains and animals out there will continue as normal with their daily life, cycles will continue and nature wheel will turn no matter what. They have seen it all before and adapted using vital survival mechanisms and abilities to embrace change and adjust. We can learn a lot from the natural world, but what we can do as humans right now is continue nurturing our seeds in all their manifestations: family, friends; loved ones; our own bodies, psyches and souls. All is interconnected and important to care take.

Wishing everyone a successful sprouting season. Continue digging the earth and immerse yourself in nature’s wisdom. If you can go outside allow for the elements to tell you a story of what needs to happen. Elements are tuned into us, as we all carry elemental qualities within us. Listen to what needs to consolidate in order to get through this delicate, uncertain transition.

Keep well and sending you all Ostara blessings!