On writing

silhouette of person holding glass mason jar
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We have lived in a construct, label-based, boxed-in reality, which is based on dualities, contrasts, limited choices based on ‘either this or that’, needing and having to influence others to agree with what we believe is the truth. Let me tell you something. None of it matters, it is just a story that had been created, told and designed to enslave and control, since the creation of ‘humanity’. We all fell for it, we all were born into it whether we had a choice or not. By the age of five most of us would have lost, rejected, supressed or moved away from what we intrinsically knew was true and unique for us. The price of conditioning into a programme has been high for us all with no fail, generation after generation. This has been applied to every aspect of human life. Writing is no exception.

You would have seen, heard, read and experienced the idea of writing needing to be an act of suffering, sacrifice, deep emotional pain. People approached it from that point for a long time with many deciding to check out through ending their lives, as the belief of ‘unless you do it this way, it is no good and you are not worth anything’. You all read things like, which are still circulating everywhere today ‘the first draft is shit’, ‘unless you go through the bad stage of struggle, you will never produce anything worthwhile and good’. Nonsense! Have you ever written poetry or anything just using your intuition, or experienced something that writes itself through you effortlessly and in a state of flow. That feels easy, soft, beautiful and very true to our hearts. Forms that come out perfectly on the paper with no need to word count, time watching or anything else. It is true creative flow. The way one writes cannot be separated from the way one lives. If that is so ask yourself a question ‘How do I live my life?’ How do I value myself, my time, what gives me meaning, etc. The list of questions is endless and can be attended to consciously and continuously if things are called for change.

One thing that we must understand is this. There is absolutely nothing bad in an expression, nothing. We cannot continue labelling our writing as good or bad. It is not this or that. It just IS. Whatever is being expressed by an individual cannot simply be labelled bad. We do it to ourselves fearing that if we don’t others will. Detach from what is a label, construct that one must struggle to create something good. It is just an illusion. All that matters is an experience of writing, an experience of a creative expression and, therefore, life itself. When you create you tap into life literary, therefore it can never be bad. How can it be bad? Labels are an intrinsic part of the programme that somehow values and focuses lack, unworthiness, suffering on purpose almost and so on. Sounds like we all have a choice, the thing is we always had a choice even though we didn’t think we did and, perhaps, as children we don’t have depending on the family we came into, but as adults we certainly do have a choice and a right to change things to what feels good to us. Writing is a unique expression, just like paining, playing music, crafting or anything that requires a different type of flow to how we are told the flow should be. There are no should or musts. All you have to do is recognise that this way of writing is what prevents the flow in the first place, what stops from your own voice being heard and blocks enjoyment of the whole process. Drop it all, create an anomaly in life and in your writing and go with that with deep belief that anything is possible when expressed without having to attach to labels, external opinions or anything else that creates a friction within us when we do it. We all felt that often.

What if we saw it for what it is…

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Mental health issues are the result of the affliction of the soul, my belief still stands to this day, something I always knew since birth. For how long the lack of soul diving can sustain itself? It can live in suffering for a life-time, but then it is not a life, it is a compliance with what is structured and enforced, no more and no less. To me going against your soul is a crime, perhaps, the only real crime in this life-time. When going against your will and soul’s calling repeatedly a multitude of mental health problems occur. The good news, it can be changed once awareness is brought forward continuously, daily, with unwavering degree of dedication and commitment. It is an excavation work with of the highest order.

Imagine we as divine and unique beings that came here to manifest our gifts and express our essence instead got hijacked, plugged in and fed through a tube of enforced ideas and believes. Imagine we were given a life-script, which resembled almost word-by-word all the other scripts ever invented. Oh wait, there is only one script for all. We don’t need to imagine, do we? We comply and comply and try to implement a plan designed via this universally accepted script yet many fail and not just that but through trying so hard to cope with our own compliance our mental and physical health collapses, for some slowly for others quickly and dramatically. It is very simple and clear why that occurs, so you see?

We are not designed to be put in a box of what doesn’t feel good. In fact feelings are bad and simply of no significance or use and just nonsense according to this script, so forget feelings and just follow the script and that will be your life. Who are you to argue there’s something else out there? How dare you to consider anything else? What do you want to know yourself for when it is all laid out in front of you?

Issues arise when through suppression of our nature, urge, desire of the heart, creativity, freedom to speak and choose, living in a construct that suffocates most of us happen and it has been happening since the beginning of time. What if we fed our souls instead, what if we saw the truth of existence and the purpose of self-expression through life? All we need is to see, really see it all for what it is. There’s nothing to fear as your inner power had always outweighed any other power million times over. See into the external as if it was a film playing on the screen. How many times you’ve seen it before? Why is it on a loop? Try switching it off and tune into your inner story. There, that is new, interesting, vibrant waiting to be told. Extract the voice from within no matter what it takes as long as you hear it again after all this time. Tell your own original story to yourself quietly and savour every word. Let it come alive through words you speak and rejoice in its own narrative. How and why we forgot it? We know how and why; now we can see. We all fell for it as our parents did and their parents before them. We kept on falling until our knees didn’t bleed anymore, until there was no signs of any fall at all; out falling became automatic and invisible. ‘Just the way it is, just the way it is’, you hear parents say to a child when they ask a question why? Remember those whys and don’t want tos? We all heard in reply ‘because I said so, because it is just how it is, just something we always did and all we know’. Do you see the repetition in the cycle of deafness and blindness to our inner and giving out to the outer every time? We expect to be told what is what just like watching TV for instructors from government. Ask yourself who and what is government? The answer is staring us all in the face and always have done. We are a herd following the words of the so-called leaders, who are no more aware than we are. We are all just going in circles, afraid to get off the runaway train in case we fall and that time will notice the grazes, the blood. It is the blood that’s needed, a life released through feeling the pain accumulated within. All of us highly functioning individuals on depression and anxiety with coping mechanics so ingrained that we don’t think about it. We carry on regardless when all the time our souls scream in this hell that has been created for us and lured us in like blind into a place of suppressive deafness and mute submission.

What happens to all suppressed material it gets accumulated in our psyches like thick stagnated matter. It brews into dark manifestations and penetrates the unconscious; both collective and individual. What was once gifts turns into ‘demons’ we begin to see as enemies; something we need to go to war with. They erupt in violence, unspeakable acts against others and ourselves and others one by one join us in the war against our own goodness, our own awareness wanting to be known. We lose, we get even sicker, even madder, even more broken and so it goes on with more children born into this script, into this story of life that is death, devoid of soul speaking through us, into silence of what is to come.

Rise up from within, at least try. There is everything to gain if life is to feel content, balanced and our hearts soft and simply okay with whatever is here for us. We don’t surrender to external once we see it for what it is. It is follow and empty, it is grey and pointless. Why would we give any of our essence to that?

‘De-railing’ effect in the collective

Do you feel like:

You are unable to ground whatever you try

Feeling lost, disconnected and disintegrated

In doubt of what you need and want

Seeking something constantly

Unable to find anything that helps

Values, believes and morals are being questioned in a big way

Death anxiety

Feeling anxious and vulnerable all the time

Inner child in distress or near-death situation

Unable to cope

Feeling restless and can’t focus on any one thing

Frantic feeling in the body, wanting to escape

Depressed and low

Persistent nightmares

And much more…

I have been feeling all of the above for the last two month since January began and what a shock? It feels merciless, confusing, unsettling and just unmanageable. I have been doing things I don’t normally do and on reflection it’s really striking the influence of these energies. If you are worried about this like I have been it is worth noting that these are energies, that even though expected 2019 signature, are playing out in the collective right now in a big way and it is not over yet. This year is going to be a tough one, but like all best lessons, this year’s ones will be most valuable in aiding us to move forward. Hold on tight

The hardest and incredibly strong pull and push is particularly around your realities and your spiritual or religious beliefs. If nothing else watch what happens there. Fascinating and can lead to all sorts of ‘deceiving’ outcomes.

Stay safe and well!

Descending into darkness with joy

descend into underworld

The excitement within me rising this Mabon in anticipation of the descent journey that is starting. This part of the year is not going to change for me, I feel, as I adore the darker part of the year and get truly excited about the journey within. I love shorter days and the fact that days do end and we can go to sleep (in more ways than literally) and wake up with new perspectives, tapping into our treasures offered by dreaming and journeying in the dark.

As mourning for the summer is apparent I am happy to put that to rest to move on. There is a clear flowing movement within me that taps into places deeply intuitive, magical, wise and feminine within me. Observation of the decline in nature is beautiful to me, as I am aware of just how much lies within the idea of dying and living, dying and being born again, of the potential that is held safely within nature and all of us. The journey of going within and descending into all the corners, even the darkest ones of our psyche is incredibly exciting and I am fully aligned with the wonder of the gifts that it holds. Only through going down we are able to come up. There is again no light within darkness and that is the nature of things. It is how life is, nature is, weather is, cycles are and embracing the beauty of constant regeneration and transformation will offer a lot of wisdom and insight into how we are in the world, our ways of relating, giving and receiving.

Energy begins to bubble within me at this point in autumn that is nicely contained and deeply nourishing to the soul. My dreams begin to take me places I am yet to visit or had already visited before, reminding me of possibilities of paths one can take spiritually or in the physical reality. Dream world presents richer and fuller with imagery, colours, motifs and themes that tend to repeat themselves. Faces are clear, sensations are felt fully, voices are clear and directional and my steps are steadier and more in line with my purpose than ever. I look forward to going to bed, I notice that more clearly. I like darkness.

I wish you all a blessed descent this quarter and if you never thought about it or felt like attempting it, do it consciously and with no fear. You will not regret what you can potentially discover on the other side and as spring comes again a renewed psyche will propel you into new dimensions and ways of being you never thought possible. It all begins with the darkness and that is why the dark part of the year is so needed and important, so when light returns it shines brighter and more conscious than ever in areas that will lead it to the meaningful and purposeful ways of relating, being, thinking and feeling.

Many blessings!

Madness of the World

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It’s been an incredibly emotional and painful month both on a personal and external levels. Today I literally feel the ‘madness’ of the world like it is sitting in my front room screwed up in pain and desperation. It is potent and it smells bad. There is disintegration that is happening within its consciousness that feels like madness and when madness occurs all boundaries are blurred and that is when it becomes dangerous, out of control. It has no longer anything more to lose, so it is released into its own destruction. I never felt it this strong before and its presence is felt in my body everywhere. I want to cry, I want to run, I want to stay and cry some more. Conflicting, overwhelming emotions running through every cell.

Today I suddenly understand my father’s struggle with the world, his anger and disappointment with the way things are. I understand it through feeling it all over my emotional body. He, however, chooses to fight it with anger, anger and more anger. He appears to have become almost addicted to the feeling of rage and violence of the world. He is not able to reach that place of love and peace, it is very far removed at this point and that’s how many are feeling when faced with the desperation of the world. Read More