It’s been an incredibly emotional and painful month both on a personal and external levels. Today I literally feel the ‘madness’ of the world like it is sitting in my front room screwed up in pain and desperation. It is potent and it smells bad. There is disintegration that is happening within its consciousness that feels like madness and when madness occurs all boundaries are blurred and that is when it becomes dangerous, out of control. It has no longer anything more to lose, so it is released into its own destruction. I never felt it this strong before and its presence is felt in my body everywhere. I want to cry, I want to run, I want to stay and cry some more. Conflicting, overwhelming emotions running through every cell.

Today I suddenly understand my father’s struggle with the world, his anger and disappointment with the way things are. I understand it through feeling it all over my emotional body. He, however, chooses to fight it with anger, anger and more anger. He appears to have become almost addicted to the feeling of rage and violence of the world. He is not able to reach that place of love and peace, it is very far removed at this point and that’s how many are feeling when faced with the desperation of the world. Read More