A dream…

Oh how I just want to go and not return

As I would be home at last and forever

This separation seems more and more pointless like waiting for nothing and everything

It is right there. I can feel the land’s beating heart within my own

Yet like chains otherness holds me and it feels like a rope round my neck yet necessary, almost pretending to be a gift

Love is a strange thing. The strangest

It pulls and pushes and one never really knows how to be with it as often there is no reason or explanation. It just is…

Its powerful curse of surrender though can either make you or break you but what’s the worse is not having ever felt it or being fulfilled by it

Damn you, I say in one breath and in another I take in the soul of my child smiling at me

I am walking away one day and another I am asked to stay by warm presence of another

Land or man, wild or contained, soulful or dutiful it is all entwined in the existence of today

I closed my eyes in my sleep earlier today and saw a cottage with Gaelic words above the door. I was speaking the words as if I knew the tongue naturally, but I struggled to make meaning. There was two versions of the wording, I remember that clearly. Walking into the cottage and crouching down due to a low entrance ceiling I was carrying an old water pale. It felt calming, like home, like where I want to be. So clear a vision, a dream

I know you…

I fell in love on the day the sun stood still in the sky and a breathe in the land’s air touched places in me I never knew existed

I fell to my knees struck breathless not knowing what I was or where

Yet deep inside my soul the knowing was strong as if an old tale I had heard a million times was unfolding in front of me

I fell in love just like that first time as if I had always known you

It is here I belong and only here the land speaks through me in language we both understand

In the silence of land’s dreaming I feel my blood streaming through it’s valleys, my tears part of its ocean and every cell within me matches hers

A trip that freed me

Here are some pictures from my trip to Perthshire, Scottish Highlands this past October just before Samhain. This was a long anticipated trip, not because it haven’t been before, I have, but because I made it there on my own after talking and planning for years. I finally did it and something in me changed forever now, solidified in knowing this is it. This is the place I first came years ago and where my love affair and deep spiritual connection with the land began. The trip that I took was a journey down memory lane and my love is just as strong, if not stronger. It was an absolutely perfect end to a wonderful year where all the through I have been committed to doing things differently  and have succeeded. Enjoy Scotland pics in Autumn.

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My wild place

Fairy Pools, Isle of Skye, Scotland

My heart can not hold itself in my chest when it tumbles with such ache and yearning for the wild place my soul calls home.

I can’t breathe, I can’t see clearly, the spirit wants to rip my chest open with a scream of joy and deep deep missing for the place.

Rugged, wild, untouched, unspoilt, pure, magical and stunningly beautiful like nowhere on Earth. There are not enough adjectives to describe what my soul is experiencing when I think of my wild place. I dream of it, I crave it, I cry hard every time I think of it. Tears are of the distance, separation and also joy of knowing it, feeling it deeply in every cell of my physical body as well as being the main accord of every emotion within my emotional body. I hope and wait for a reunion every year.

It is a place I want to live and die in. I want to climb the rocks, wonder through moors, luxuriate in the greenest grassy beds aromatic with heather and buttercups and swim in the land’s lochs pure, deep, cooling and renewing to my cells.

Loch Ness, Scotland

I dream the dream in the hope that one day my soul will reunite with the land it calls home.

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2015 UK Travel Diary

October 2015 – The Peak District, UK

July 2015 – Isle of Skye, Scotland

June 2015 – Summer Solstice, Stonehenge, UK

April 2015 – North Wales, Snowdonia