By going outside one goes deeper within whether it is outside in nature or outside of your comfort zone or out out into a company of people that you might never do.
Sometimes we have to challenge ourselves to ‘step out’ to come back to the core of things that matter. I took a trip recently that reaffirmed me further into myself, what I am, what I want and don’t want and most importantly what my soul needs. Solitude and quiet have become essential parts to my everyday everything. I almost feel I will not be able to survive and certainly won’t thrive in conditions other than what my soul needs. My body talks loudly to me now as over the years through a lot of work we have finally made friends and my body and soul are good pals too these days. Mind is a useful companion but it also knows when not to interfere with a voice that is always louder being it my body or my soul.
I feel I am becoming more and more inward-looking and my preferences are always away from noise, crowds and rush that happens everywhere. I feel my whole body constricts to a point I can no longer tolerate and before I could but at a high price. Switching off amidst chaos is a tough gig as everything in me absorbs things instantly and getting rid of it takes time, so I aim for minimum exposure.
Being on this trip I felt like I froze and now understand it as a defence that drowns the noise and protects my shell from being penetrated. It is protective. There’s a lot of energy and vitality on the inside yet i found this time it didn’t get affected and I became more of an observer than a participatory partner in it all. I don’t mind observer, it is my other state that somewhat helps me keep calm within, but curious on the outside. Observer state can teach us so much about ourselves, others and how we all fit. I noticed things I never had before and that’s been wonderful.
It has been a year of settling back into yourself but on a much deeper level or one might say yet another spiral downwards got revealed and reaffirmed. There are many cycles or spirals on our journeys towards what we seek. It has not been without challenges but one thing for sure is that it is much harder to know what’s really desired without it being challenged. I find the work interesting as once you know what you don’t like you immediately know what you do like very often.
I enjoyed spring this year immensely and through the years of building a relationship with the seasons I can now say it is my favourite season starting from very early spring to the end of May and beginning of heat. Now as we are building up towards Summer Solstice my retrieval into myself (more than usual) feels like an intentional preparation for my seclusion for summer, which is my least favourite season. It makes sense. I go into hiding, so to speak when the sun rises high and peaks at Litha. I learnt not to rage against it, which I had done for years but to soften instead and focus within giving myself exactly what is needed. I concentrate on early mornings and watering my plants. Enjoying bike rides in the cool evening air when the sun goes to rest. I learn to use water element when fire rises just like in nature. Nurture and compassion instead of rage and harshness, coolness instead of heat. Rather than ‘instead’, perhaps we go for ‘in addition to’ or ‘in compliment to’, as we always aim to balance elements out rather than dominate one over another. I have created a set routine for myself, it seems that neither judges or forces, but flows instead and here I am staying for now watching the year unfold further.
Here are some pictures from my trip to Perthshire, Scottish Highlands this past October just before Samhain. This was a long anticipated trip, not because it haven’t been before, I have, but because I made it there on my own after talking and planning for years. I finally did it and something in me changed forever now, solidified in knowing this is it. This is the place I first came years ago and where my love affair and deep spiritual connection with the land began. The trip that I took was a journey down memory lane and my love is just as strong, if not stronger. It was an absolutely perfect end to a wonderful year where all the through I have been committed to doing things differently and have succeeded. Enjoy Scotland pics in Autumn.
I am back in paradise and there is no despair, turmoil or overwhelm this time…
This year I only feel joy, pleasure and gratitude for being here. I am being very vocal in expressing my appreciation of the land. I admire a very full in red heavy berries rowan by the side of a lake and revel in beauty of purple flowers. Simple yet so exquisite in its perfection against the very green that is everywhere. Everything seems so much riper, bigger and more beautiful in comparison to other places. It reminds me of my birth place in many respects where nature had also been very rich in its presentation and a way of being. I look at the mountains and I feel still and content rather than torn and in deep yearning, which I could never explain. The smell of the land, that particular scent I can always summon wherever I am, is still here, it hasn’t changed and I am glad of that. I take pleasure in observing every little house, weed, animal, tree and wonder how people live here with curiosity. I do feel jealousy quite sharply this time for the life that I imagine goes on here in this place of beauty and such peace and quiet. Stillness of the land is intoxicating and, I believe, it is exactly this energy that I align with the most, this is what I crave. Peace, quiet, beauty and isolation.
Walking through a Celtic rainforest earlier today I can feel myself melting into its freshness and moulding into its trees’ bark, inhaling the air of the forest, breathing with it as one. Rain gently washing my face and hair brushed back I feel free. Assured, grounded and humbled, very grateful for being able to feel the way that I do when I am here in this land and in touch with all the elements. It is a true blessing in my life here on Earth.
As another day comes to an end here in paradise I am content, calm, pleasantly tired and completely in love with everything this land is and everything that is in and around me today.
My process of diving deep, my journey through dreams and conscious expansion and alchemical transformation took place here this year, on the Isle of Skye, Scotland.
The land lies still in the deep knowing of its majesty. It is rough, wise, ragged, stunningly beautiful, wild, unapologetically powerful, mystical and one with the Universe, one that is a direct reflection of the source consciousness. It is the Universe itself – glorious land, sea, mountains with sky everywhere hanging very low across the island. It knows deeply, it presents openly, it behaves in ways we get inspired by, freely, flowing, expressing all that one needs to know and expressing in the moment.
The land has this eternal quality to it. Apart from the fact that it is very old and it has seen so much in its existence, it gives an impression of being always and forever present in its vibrancy and such peace. If one is to settle on this land, one is to submit, to merge with it, to flow with its scenery and landscape and vow to become as one. It is a true commitment to its own expansion and liberty.
This was like nothing I experienced before. For a few days I felt very uncontained, confused and a bit lost. My dreams threw me into a spiral of emotional and mental turmoil on the very first night here. It was fierce as if I was thrown into my own potential and was shown things I didn’t yet know about myself and it was huge. I was unprepared. The land does not wait for anyone, one has to be brave, open-hearted and present. That was the first lesson I understood within a day or two. Once I understood the purpose of the powerful upgrades that started coming in and realised there was more to come my heart literally exploded into a huge opening. I was entering another level of consciousness expansion.
Isle of Skye land’s energy is cosmic and endless. I contrasted it with the energy, which is more familiar to me, that of forests and trees. This here was something very new. A lot bigger, a lot wilder, a lot more unfamiliar and my resistance was obvious and striking. The lesson here is to embrace the unfamiliar and whatever emotional state land energy throws you into listen carefully, flow with whatever is, as the land has a plan for us to upgrade, the universe works through the land to let us know who we are and what we are capable of. I became too safe, too contained in my practice and on my path, taking the same road again and again. Now is the time to expand my view and take a different road.
Elemental energies on the island were very representative of qualities I needed to pay attention to. Water and Air. Several times while being there I refused to go on a boat. I stated I felt safer on the Earth. Well, of course, I would and there is nothing wrong with the familiar and comfortable, yet it was obvious later on the clear invitation to ‘expand’, to dare try something that could stretch my soul’s arms even further.
Climbing hills and mountains was harder than usual and in my experience I found how self-critical and defeating I have recently become and it didn’t serve me. I almost saw the opposite in my dreams and I knew deep down the being within was crying for being released. Enough with meek and limited view of myself. I did not realise that this was happening in the last couple of months and what a wake-up call. Air element was very telling and representative of how ‘holding my breath’ I have become lately, that’s where my fear lived as well, not in an expansive state of open heart and chest, but in a state of constriction and limitation yet again. Ever since I got back I encountered a few people with the element ‘Water’ messages coming through inviting and encouraging me to explore the deep secrets of being on water and under water and its hidden treasures. I have heard about deep-sea diving, fishing, swimming afar, amongst other invitations of the Universe and have I considered them? Yes, I have, as they are clearly signs of further possibilities for expanding my inner divine.
Notes from the dream diary: ‘I feel I am in some sort of crisis, like I want to open up and feel fully, but I can’t. I want to breathe, but I end up holding my breath. I feel very clearly I am not fully open, I am conscious of my own restrictions. I am tense and holding back’. The purpose of my dreams and me being in that place was to expand my consciousness in order for me to embrace the potential within me unexplored or suppressed. Because of the intense energy of these upgrades my resistance grew and fear came in, doubt crept in. ‘I feel a bit disinterested, detached, wanting something else, not knowing what… wanting to be somewhere else, not feeling much.’
The most intense, emotionally shaking, trauma activating dreams here for me, every night. I found myself on a journey again while in Scotland only this time there was no warning, no preparation, the dreams’ material came with a booming presence and did not leave till it was done. I was receiving upgrades through diving deep into the dark night of the soul. Synchronicity of that experience included me reading this book, which I just picked up from the list on my kindle and that helped me navigate my experience well. I recommend it ‘The dark nights of the soul’.
I went through the process of death and rebirth in an intense representation of my abilities and powers. It was showing me what I could truly do if I was to embrace it and truly take all of my power back. From performing magic knowingly and loving it, to understand what love is, to consciously expanding my awareness of the universe within me – it was
Symbols, which stood out for me were the Burning sacred star, which connected me to the universe with such love; stairs; blood; colours, doors, gates, windows, keys were present in each dream, packing suitcases, number 4 featured heavily
The burning star symbol was the highlight of my whole experience. It was pure magic and emotions that ran through me were powerfully shaking and I felt it in every inch and cell of my physical body. It literally threw me out of my bed with screams and tears.
The Star symbol, Pentagram, Pentacle – there is rich history and representation to this symbol. Some representations are – universal consciousness; wholeness; a symbol of divine perfection; the four elements with the overarching presence of the spirit as the fifth point; our divine purpose in the universe and many more.
Messages: ‘putting all eggs in one basket’ – limiting myself, which does not serve me and suppresses my powers.
Being ashamed of my appearance, which does not fit with the usual ‘tidy’ image of ‘conditioned’ existence. Embracing the many clothes I was wearing rather than looking clean, tidy and presentable. Dreams containing fears and running late represented my choices, my ways of choosing to be and ultimately confirming that no one controls my choices, I am fully conscious to make them and live them out.
At the end of my dream journey on Skye I was flying in a helicopter over the land, taking it all in unafraid (I have a fear of heights), the colour green everywhere, my heart truly open. I was taking in the land and saw everything in an overview. Relieved and overjoyed.
I left the land reborn and truly facing the being that I am. My heart is full open with gratitude, pride and courage that whatever is ahead I will embrace it with no limitation or fears. I can do whatever I set my mind to. Magic runs through my veins and the power of wisdom and knowing is a natural flow of my soul. Compassionate heart and truly understanding universal love will keep me safe and encourage me not to be afraid to be me, to be of service, to fly free over the Land of consciousness.
Thank you Skye for the experience. I can’t wait to visit again and take you into my embrace of love and understanding.
