What’s behind Beltane story?

radically different Beltane

What if the Maiden May Queen didn’t want to join the Green Man, get pregnant and give birth? What then? What if the story of Beltane was a different story? Would the earth not continue thriving in its cycles? Does it always require a union? These questions seem important to ask and I was thrown a different image this year of what it might mean in the overall presentation of life, this earthly dimension specifically. It feels important to bring this download into awareness of whoever is going to stumble upon this. Perhaps, you feel the same? Perhaps this Beltane is meant to be radically different? What would it look like in your magical world?

Tradition lies deep within our stories that had been told for millions of years over and over and I hear it sneaking into the earth story too. It is almost like I didn’t see it before, but right now it asks of me to go through its narrative and ask the important questions. Can nature exist and have its magic sovereignty without mixing in the union of the Maiden and the Green man? We all know what happens after, the power of the Sun takes over and one king replaces another, while the Queen is heavily pregnant. Beltane has always been triggering time for me over the years although I have come to a place of peace with the timing and historical manifestation of events, but I wonder what if a different story was attached to this time of year. Did it attach to May for a reason only to let me see later on what really happened collectively through the generations, not just my own, but globally.

There is still an exchange of power, one submitting to another (however willingly and mutual it is portrayed) and one giving birth while the other rules over the planets and the earth while the Maiden/Mother is in its most blooming state. Who has really got the most power here if you look at manifestations of nature?

I hear the critical parent/the punisher/the demon/the judge and the finger-pointer for sin, for heresy and how dare I even consider re-writing the story as old as time itself. This does include all religions whatever orientations. It is exactly the point to bring it out into the light. It can no longer stay where it’s been for so long. We all have to give ourselves permission to ask questions, to find what feels good to us and meet our needs in the cycle of life. Following something without a question is a loss of sovereignty that cuts down the roots of our inner wisdom and knowing.

I first received an inkling of this message in early April this year about this forthcoming Beltane and how there is another way of looking at it or rather why haven’t we until now? The sleep that we have been in and will continue to be in is deep. The joining of the Goddess and the God in a dance of fertility is wonderful and all good, but what if she didn’t want to join him or he didn’t want to join her come to that? The question of complete recognition and acknowledgement of their own sovereignty is paramount here. May be that aspect is laced with assumption from another story that underlines all other stories. She submits and he rules? Sounds quite superficial and made-up now that I say it out loud. Do you hear it? Perhaps, this act of joining needs to be redefined. What are their motivations, perhaps, they share the power, the process of growth, giving and receiving? Perhaps, they caretake the earth together? What I feel the strongest during this time, I suppose, is a possibility of polarization of these masculine and feminine energies and it is not surprising having looked at the history of the union and how it is looked upon by the story of this society. What we need to have in place is a self-reliance and allow ourselves to hear, see and speak a different story should we need to. It is ok not to agree and take charge of your own storytelling. I can’t deny I do feel sad having seen a different picture and heard a different story and realising stories are there often to create an illusion, not just to transmit wisdom. Not all the time clearly. Just think of what collective calls ‘the greatest story ever told’. Do you feel it now? It is during Beltane that any wounding around relationships would come up, but it is also time when we have the best chance to come to terms with what ailed us for so long and redefine a new path into the rest of the year.

Nature will continue with its cycles, which are a constant reminder of transitions and change and we must find comfort in that knowledge that there is always an opportunity to move on, to retell a different story and join the forces or not, whatever feels good to us. That IS ok.

Image: https://www.learnreligions.com/the-legend-of-the-may-queen-2561660

To Love, Friendship and Unity

Beltain

After two hours of working the plot and communing with the soil I felt compelled to relay the energies of today. It is all very new, fresh and to many it will be unknown, but do go with it, embrace it and lessons will be great.

Beltain 2019 is upon us and today is a portal day, which feels like a new opening, a true shift, a push into a slot previously unoccupied. I could feel it at the back of my head and my fingers this morning and it felt good. It was not explosive or buzzing with noise, but subtle and strong like a regular heart beat one might say. The words that I heard were ‘Love, Friendship and Unity in all things’. The spiritual today does seek peace and surrender to a place softer and brighter. It wants connection and true relating for everything and everyone. Even amidst the world’s darkness, fears and wounds today it felt like there is still an invitation to step into your own ‘new’, take a path you haven’t travelled before. The message also was that whatever one chooses to do it doesn’t even have to be big, small steps remaining curious all the way.

Beltain is traditionally a Fire festival of the two joining together and energies rising to bless a forthcoming bounty of the earth and pray for its gifts yet to come. It is the night of dancing, laughter and dropping inhibitions, things that no longer lit our spark and had gone dull. I felt the element of today, however, was Air. Interesting how things shift without having to explain themselves, something we can all take away as a lesson. Hence my altar naturally did not have any candles on this morning or flowers and only incense representing ‘airing things out’ of a space, life, consciousness, etc. It always makes sense to me. However, what I feel will happen later on this week the effect of this year’s Beltain will grow stronger and that is where Fire element will come in, more towards the weekend. I do plan a Fire celebration with friends and family to show love and embrace good, genuine friendships and allow myself be united with everything that this earthly realm can offer. Most of all unity within is an important aspect. Why do we often fight ourselves, hate on ourselves, blame and criticise ourselves – that has to go, as those are obvious blockers to what is possible. Meet your needs, apply self-compassion daily, rest your mind and soul and nourish your body.

Hope everyone has a beautiful Beltain full of renewal energy.

Many blessings!

From wounded to confident – journey continues…

Maiden on Beltane No other month, I find, triggers me into sorrow and anger more than May and I have been coming into awareness why over the last two years. Beltane is always a trigger. I have been working with balancing feminine and masculine for the last few years. Bringing the feminine forth and learning how to be that and balancing the deeply distorted masculine, which lived within for so long, but didn’t work within my ‘female’ soft being. I now connect well to the feminine, strong, soft and vulnerable, wise and compassionate, yet masculine, although missing violent, aggressive and abusive side, is yet to be redefined within me. This is one of the posts that I suspect I am yet to write about the process of connecting with the Divine feminine and masculine.

This year my Maiden appears different. I suspect it happened as a result of me coming into the energy more and way deeper than before. Maiden within has been going through a transformation quietly, but with strong assured energy of knowing what was needed. I realised it has been happening deeply in the under-layers without displaying, like a worker bee or a spider patiently weaving their webs or trees waiting for the blooms to come through winter. My Maiden has a strong work ethic and patience – what a revelation. From a Firy (distorted masculine traits), wounded, screaming deity with a tinge of someone being spoilt to a studious, steady and confident.

Dance to my beat – the Green Man said

She stepped slowly into the circle adjusting her flowing skirts and made her first move

He stood mesmerised by her confident posture and playful glint in her eye

He joined her in a dance of teasing and their clothes gently brushed together

He watched and waited without force or invitation

She grew in confidence with every step she took and walked over to him

Take me into your arms and spin me faster and faster – she said

He obligingly swept her into a sweet embrace and lifted her off the ground  into a joyful spin

Oh how they laughed and held each other in love and sweet union

Oh how they danced all night into the hours of dawn

This is all good and well, all that dancing and the season is all wonderfully joyful, but for the last few years Beltane had been a festival, which triggered me into old wounds of loneliness and betrayal. All energies masculine were seen as negative, abusive and disloyal. I usually spend the day sick in bed and wanting to hide. This year is not that different, as I am not willing to connect to the masculine as, perhaps, expected by the festival.

Well, it sort of crept up on me this year and even though again I am not feeling great within my body, which serves as a reminder of that old pattern, I am also feeling shifts in feminine energies. I spent the last part of 2016 and the beginning of this working on healing the masculine within. It has been a hard road and difficult wounding to transform and I am not there yet, but I know I am on the right track. I feel I have been gently led into Beltane this year. My Maiden feels confident right now and knows exactly what she wants. I also wrote this post about redefining my Beltaine, or rather focusing on other aspects of the festival. I notice how I spell the word differently in my post too HERE 

This month’s insights go even deeper and questions come up in relation to feminine and masculine deities. I struggle to connect with a masculine energy still. It seems to have no voice, substance or even a face or form in my awareness. It is empty at the moment. I begin to think about relationships between Gods and Goddesses, what does that look like? Beltane is about sex, love, marriage and relating yet what I experience is a separation on some level and I really feel it.  I am still unable to see qualities of the Green Man other than his function to connect with the Maiden. I wonder if the Maiden even wants that connection? I suspect she does, but, perhaps, on her terms and more in balance rather than a forced assumed position of what her purpose must be and what expectation of the season is. She’s got to have consent. I wonder what would be should she choose not to marry and get pregnant… what would happen if she rebelled? I suspect it is again about finding a balance, a compromise and not involve extreme ways of going about things.

I suspect this won’t be the last post exploring masculine and feminine and I intend continuing my research and experiences in this area.

 

Beltane 2017 re-defined

altar

This year is all about transformation on a level unheard of before. It is about renewing in ways completely fresh and bold, something that had never manifested in our lives. We are born in an energy of a great opportunity to change things radically, to look at ourselves with no excuses or hiding behind what is familiar. In many ways there is nowhere to hide and neither does it make sense any more. Masks and personas are becoming extinct and the spirit calls for us to embrace ourselves in what we have always meant to be.

Over the last few years May Day for me had been a sad time of hiding and illness, falling into a trap of a script playing out during that time over and over. Within a fail before or on the day there will be obstacles, emotional, mental and most of all physical that would prevent me from any kind of celebrating. A negative masculine would rear its ugly head and any kind of merging with a Green Man would become an ugly prospect. My mental state would become so bitter and angry at the masculine that a sight of a May pole would be a big ‘no, no’. This year just when I thought I was ok, having previously set my intention on not falling for the old tricks of my unhealed past, it struck again with manifestations in my internal and external life where masculine was not good to me. I fell into sadness, as predicted, but then something within me continued to fight.

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My Beltaine darkness

hawthorn-tree

Here is a revealing authentic post.  Beautiful hawthorn blossoms invite you into the lushness of the forest where the Green man is getting ready for the dance of the year with the Maiden queen. Colours are bright, senses are open in anticipation of the ritual and there is a smell of love in the air.

I am NOT feeling it and instead my whole being is enveloped into a sense of dark pain.

A week or two before Beltaine every year I find myself in emotional darkness feeling my body and soul triggered into innate trauma of loneliness and betrayal. I first became aware of this pattern a couple of years ago when I found myself wanting to hide and in ill health before and during May day celebrations, at a time when everyone is full of joy, vigour and high energy of union and vibrancy.

This year it is no different for me, but what I would like to set my intention on and realise this time round is that, perhaps, it is time to begin breaking the pattern, although part of my process had always been this year accepting and admitting that some things one just can’t get over. Interestingly that admission liberated something within me and now allowing me to look at what practices I could employ to ease the pain further.

I am a deeply wounded and scarred maiden during spring time and in no way looking for a union with the Green man or any other man. This season is bereft with loss, betrayal and heartache for me. As I write this I feel the energy within me very strongly, the energy of complete block to love, softness and utter distrust in anything remotely male.

If I was to visualize this experience I would describe it as seeing and feeling a tear in the skin, in my flesh. A wound, which would be useless to mend, it is completely torn. Mending it or, at least, attempting to mend it would inflict more pain on my being unnecessarily. What, I feel would work best here is letting it go, burring it, mourning it and focusing on the remaining flesh around. Effectively what it looks like is a place where I start from the very beginning, afresh, and create something completely new whether it is a new attitude, a way of being with the experience, a way to think about it and a way of relating. A way that would suit me and no one else. It is also a process of finding out what I can and can’t accept, whether I am able to hold a relationship from this point on and whether I actually need one and if I do, what would it look like.

Other very strong emotions associated with this time of year is love and loneliness – my major wounding places, and this innate sadness and melancholy that I carry around and especially in relation to those things. When I was hurt I was very young and the pain of that betrayal had been the worst emotional and physical pain I have experienced so far. I could physically feel my heart breaking in that moment and my innocence leaving me with my breath, which I felt was going to kill me.

It is great for me to know, accept and admit this pattern of complex interrelationships within my life and my psyche based on my experiences and begin to contemplate a way forward, building a new path for myself, which has a new flavour, colour and texture to it. I feel I need to perform a burial and witness a rebirth of something.  These awareness will translate into my creating an altar this Beltaine representing my intention for this season and the next few month. I might even do some LOVE magic for myself and generally for surrounding areas of my life including people closest to me.

Will I be making love to the Green man and integrating him, I don’t think so, not yet, as redefining my inner masculine is work in progress and I am not looking to merge with anything or anyone till I know what would serve me the best. The Green man is a figure for me to explore more, for sure, as interestingly enough it is quite vague and undefined for me, almost empty compared to the Goddess or other deities within the Wheel of the Year. He is not strong enough, which is my projection on the masculine in general for me generally where in my anger I labelled ‘male’ weak and unnecessary. I banished it into the shadow. Perhaps, working with that anger using Fire might ease some of the growing resentment in my flesh and psyche.

What is present also is a sense of realism, with which comes a sense of hope in the ultimate goodness of the universe and my belief that everything happens for my highest good. I walk the walk of the Goddess through the seasons with delicious awareness of the light and dark of my experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Blessings!