Pregnant Earth

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I am not a summer soul. Year after year I experience a withdrawal as days get longer and the sun gets hotter. The build up to Summer solstice is particularly difficult with doubts, uncertainties and complexities I feel lost in. It is in parallel to my feelings about the Full Moon phase when things come to a culmination and then start to fade as a waning moon. I am not good with the Full moon and withdraw every time only to come out to shine with each New moon – my favourite time.

I notice how my outings in nature become infrequent and my engagement with the earth subsides. I find working in heat difficult and the sight of weeds overwhelming. Even my blooming plot brings on a sense of helplessness as everything doubles in size and spreads across the plot. This is it, it is a feeling of overwhelm, a time when I feel u contained and my vision obscured. I begin to miss crisp autumn/winter mornings when I could go into the woods and see right through it with walking anywhere off the path without having obstructions. This is something I can’t do in the summer as overgrown paths and greenery covers all from view. It can feel suffocating and adding a heat into the mix I am powerless. It is a time of rest, sleep and seclusion for me.

Many years ago I myself was in the last weeks of my pregnancy at this time of year, ready to release, and my experience was somewhat similar to how I usually feel in my uncertainty and resistance to summer. Perhaps, that association stayed strong within me, a difficult time, something I am only now connecting with. Perhaps, summer is also a reminder of that time when I felt overwhelmed.

With Litha coming next week, a time when the sun stands still in its fullest glory and the longest day of the year is upon us, I am in anticipation, as if waiting for a relief, a time when things once again start to wind down slowly. I feel the waning from that day forward and always feel relieved and let free.
In summer I go North to landscape of mountains, lakes and space around me. I feel free in that landscape and in need to see ahead of me unconstricted by the overgrowth of forests. This year I am taking a crossing to an an Isle of Mull over the sea to experience an open road with mountains and waters shaping the landscape.

Summer and exposure

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As summer energy begins to spread through the land in its blooming attire we have an opportunity to come out, lay bare, expose.

Summer is a time for outer expression, exploring potential and examining inner and outer in its full spectrum. As nature steps into its blooming coat, so do we seek opening up and exploring. This is a ‘Full Moon time’ in its energetic signature, if you like, where things have built up within and without and it is time to show ourselves to the world and to ourselves, warts and all.

My trip to the island of Skomer on the Pembrokeshire coast in Wales made me see parallels between how nature comes into its full potential and how it is an opportunity for us to expose all that had been hidden, open up to a more authentic way of being. The insight came through my own experience of fully exposing parts of myself that might not seem favourable, ugly even, yet while in nature I felt it almost necessary to go with whatever was manifesting within and it felt safe. This experience was new and I suspect there will now be more chances for me to ‘show myself’ fully. I have been in ‘hiding’ during summer months for as long as I remember, yet, perhaps, the time has come to make changes in ways of expression and authenticity.

With exposure comes acceptance and an integration follows, which is an important part to bringing us back to whole, back to ourselves. Was I scared I won’t be accepted or be judged? In the moment I didn’t think, I simply was in a state I was in. I did and didn’t enjoy it, as one would expect, but with exposure and real experience comes such clarity and awareness, which is so useful. On reflection when an opportunity comes for an exposure so does fear for not being accepted for who we are. As a society certain traits and behaviours might be looked down on, but there is also a chance that people that you surround yourself with will sit through that ‘exposure’ with you and become curious about sides of you they might not have seen before. If they manage to hold the experience and still feel the same those are the people that are meant to be around you, furthermore it gives others an opportunity to do the same, i.e. becoming more ‘exposing’ of themselves, accepting of others and freer as a result. We are all dark and light, beautiful and less so, hard and soft and the ability to be present with it all makes us stronger in knowing ourselves and connecting even deeper with others. We often fear alienating others and seek to conform, hide and comply, but we all know what that feels like. Sooner or later all of our inner pieces that are yearning to be exposed will spill into an ugly mess.

I felt inspired watching nature in its most open state, in its full blooming capacity. Nature doesn’t think or waits to be exposed it just does it regardless every year. Summer is the culmination of that energy manifesting everywhere. With exposure comes danger, as beauty can be just as threatening as ugliness. On some level we are threatened not just by others’ beauty, but by our own. We often do not see or realise our own beauty and potential, so we remain hidden and silent. ‘Be brave’, summer would say, bloom anyway even when someone might step on our blooming heart or cut us down mindlessly without a second thought. The song we sing might be our last, as we take flight into the summer air, but sing anyway, the more beautiful the better. Exposure of the body, mind and spirit is so necessary and summer is a powerful time to explore ourselves in our most vulnerable, naked state. There is a potential to be fully empowered.

I learnt the only way to be authentic is just that – expose. Summer allows that space and a perfect opportunity to seek acceptance from within. If we can stand our own shadow energies, watch it unfold, manage to contain it post-exposure and still be ok, we become more whole. This process is of freeing ourselves from the thinking that is harsh and judgemental, often coming from within. Take inspiration from blooming flowers and singing birds, vulnerable, but free in knowing they are blooming even if just for a short time. Nature is accepting of itself, it is not critical, shy or seeking approval. It just is. What greater example is there of authenticity of being.

 

Transforming with the cycles of nature

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Following the cycles of nature and changing seasons of the year have brought me much awareness of myself, the world around me and how everything can be observed, healed and transformed when one is prepared to ‘stop and stare’ and become one with what is happening at any given moment.

Celebrating festivals of the year has always been at the centre of my nature-based spiritual path. It provided such strong and firm foundation for placing me within the universe and making me feel as one with everyone and everything. It brought me peace. It is the most grounding thing I have ever done. It keeps me in constant observation and analysis of what is essential and what is non-essential, what needs healing and what needs to die. Its focus is always on the balance of things and with the changing temperatures, leaves on trees and colours of the sky one becomes aware of what is out of balance within. It is so clear and so touchingly beautiful when the feeling of yourself as one with nature transforms into an understanding of the deepest psychical workings within myself.

Yesterday, as I was reading a book on Druidry (something I am currently studying) I was struck with something that clicked within. There was a clear moment of something pure, clear and light coming through me. I often get this sensation when something grounds in my awareness and resonates with my soul. This year has been a challenge in every aspect and my seasonal patterns have been reaffirmed to me again, e.g. spring is not a good time for me, filled with emotional pain and rejection, whereas with the coming of autumn all is good again. It is just one example. The biggest pattern that I identified and solidified in my awareness this year is just how much the LIGHT has been missing. I wrote about ‘My light is in the shadow’ HERE.

Well, while reading about Druid philosophy and their strong ties with the Sun and light as opposed to the Moon and darkness, which had been mentioned in several sources I have come across, I realised why Druidry is now presenting itself to me as a chosen path to follow. I need to walk towards the Sun, from within outwards. I am now ready to be in the Light. I am also on a quest to find a Patron God, a masculine deity, which can guide me. I have so far only been working with the feminine deities, although recently I began experiencing for the first time the influence of the male God. On my witchcraft path I have worked and revelled in the darkness, which I strongly resonate with, perhaps, combining it with the lighter brighter Druid Sun workings might bring balance to my practice in an even more profound way. Therefore, my plan is, which I feel a lot of excitement about is to consciously implement and integrate what I have learnt over this year and walk into the next cycle, post Yule and starting with my favourite Imbolc in 2017 focusing on introducing my psyche to the Light and the Sun, learning to love and find joy in it instead of hiding away. One way will be focusing on all those festivals I felt less resonance with previously (it is understandable), like Beltain and Summer Solstice, e.g. and being the ‘summer’. This is truly conscious transformational experience that I now seek for myself and can’t wait to see what transpires. It will be an experiment to see if more balance is actually needed, as it might not be the case at all, which means something else will come forward and allow me to see what is needed. The first step is always becoming aware and the second decide to walk towards something that calls.

June – my yearly spiritual journey begins

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June – the month of spiritual opening

I have been consciously observing my relationship with each season and Sabbatt over the last two years, as part of me growing deeper into my spirituality. Following each month with awareness of energies, shifts, difficulties, preferences  I have come to many extremely useful insights and revelations, which subsequently had an impact on my life in all areas. One of the main insights was that there are certain patterns I go through as the Wheel turns through the year.

Some of you might already know, e.g. the month of May and the festival of Beltain is a difficult time for me due to some trauma that had occurred in my past. May is closely linked to the realm of ‘relationships’ for me. This year was no different; however, as I noticed recurring themes coming in each year I also set my intention to make a conscious shift in NOT repeating certain things going forward. I received upgrades and demands of necessary clearing out of my consciousness and invitation to grow into a new way of being in relation to repeated themes. Very much like a recurring dream until a dreamer gets the message, so to speak, patterns will continue to occur with messages becoming louder and louder. Will see what happens next year in relation to that, as I make what had been unconscious conscious and heal through my material. Very excited, needless to say, to be doing this work and being on this path. It is endlessly inspiring to me to be living the life in alignment with natural cycles and nature’s wisdom.

We are now in June, post-Summer Solstice, and what I have come to realise there is another pattern, which occurs for me during this month, specifically around and post Summer Solstice. This Sabbatt is another period of transition when the Kings are changed and we are beginning our descend towards shorter days and longer nights. This year, by the way, insights have been coming in so profoundly quick, like hitting me over the head with information and ways to move forward. Terribly exciting. This one was no different. The way I came to realise something was going on was the way I was asked to ‘go to sleep’, as if to say ‘there are messages in your dreams you need to know NOW’. A couple of times and, this happened during the day, I was ‘knocked down’ literally and the only way was to my bed to sleep immediately. I found it impossible to stay awake or do anything and, of course, those dreams are proving to be extremely potent with information. During the night dreaming has also become noticably intense. A lot of death occurs for me in dreams at this time, but this is another post all together. Looking back I began to reflect and make links with the month of June and how often at this time a dream journey for the year, the biggest one, would usually begin for me. This is a series of dreams, which hold a story for my growth and development, a story I must write down and follow and go through until it is complete. This year looks no different. I looked at when my spiritual awakening happened, during the month of June around the 20th June, three years ago, and I looked at what followed, which became clear to me June is the beginning of a yearly spiritual journey for me, which would manifest in dream work, travelling to my soul land (The Highlands, Scotland), confronting some difficulties towards the end of summer and coming out the other end a new person at the beginning of Autumn. So, here I am again feeling a particular way about this forthcoming journey I am about to go on. I am excited, nervous and looking forward to it. It usually begins at this time and continues till the end of summer. Watch the space. I will be posting updates on what comes in and happens in hope someone can relate to this process and get inspired by my journey through the seasons and months of the year.

 

2015 UK Travel Diary

October 2015 – The Peak District, UK

July 2015 – Isle of Skye, Scotland

June 2015 – Summer Solstice, Stonehenge, UK

April 2015 – North Wales, Snowdonia

Stonehenge experience 2015

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I am a bit late with this post, but couldn’t not share it, so here it is.

This year was the first time I visited the sacred site of Stonehenge. First I visited with my boys and it had a profound effect on me to the extent I couldn’t stay for too long due to becoming very emotional and deeply touched.

I felt like I was coming home. It was so deeply touching I held my breath and was transported into the core of nature, Earth, the sacred place of ancestors and knowing within me it was overwhelming, but this reaction precisely confirmed that my heart and soul belongs here, in this land of pure beauty and natural deliciousness.

My second visit was with my beloved during Summer Solstice, mid-summer day of Litha. I was overjoyed to come back and my experience was very different from the first time in terms of my emotions expanded into a mixture of joy, connectedness to spirits and people around me, to the light and darkness also.

The stones vibrate and the energy is very clear and constant. I felt almost electricity like currents running through me. It is not uncomfortable, but it is quite ‘shaking’, as if you are being recharged to the very core. When I touched or stood against a stone I felt as one with it, it swallows you up into its magnetic field and the energy is transmitted throughout the body in a very felt sense. You feel it strongly. It feels pure and vibrant. It is also very beautiful in a way it feels nourishing, soothing as if they say ‘don’t fear yourself, you are cherished’. What I saw a lot around the stones was a colour purple. It was everywhere and the energy when touching stones has that colour, it had for me. utterly beautiful.

Inside the circle the energy is pure beauty and the air is very different that to the outside. I felt like coming into a vault through an invisible door whichever way you come into a circle and there the air just hits you, the energy of purity spreads all around you. One can’t help but smile and the feeling of happiness instantly injected into you. You just feel like you want to dance and sing and hug the Earth like never before. It feels like love and it is everywhere in people’s faces, in friendly nods and touches and everything sort of flows in this bubble of magic and beauty.

Beating of the drums within the drum circle is very soothing, and pleasing to the ear and the body. This repetitive sound improvising and flowing up in the summer air joining all in mutual delight could not escape anyone. My husband was very engrossed in that experience and touched by what effect it had on him. He sat still listening to drumming for a long time. We both now considering getting drums. Delicious food for your spirit aligning all with the basic instinctual primal energy of a drum beat. Just wonderful.

The sunrise experience was delightful and the Sun appeared very slowly teasing and smiling at us all from behind the tress. It was taking its time and anticipation spread across the land. It was one of the most welcoming and fresh experiences, again rejuvenating to the soul. Another moment of pure beauty and joy in the heart.

Being surrounded by souls aligned with your own is such a deeply touching experience. It is unique and special as not often you are within a circle of energies perfectly understanding and accepting of your own vibration and purpose. There is something deeply trusting and comforting in that.

So, you are knowing of your own power and belonging to the Earth, come here. If you love time-travelling with other Shamans of the world and would like feel the deep connection with the pagan community, come to this sacred, immortal site. You will not be disappointed.

A Witch on the bike

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When I go on my bike I am instantly called to connect with all the elements around me, so I mount my trusted horse and fly through the woods, by the water, up and down the hill in the cool morning air.

Most of my musings come to me either on my mindful walks or my bike rides and today’s topics were of the words and symbols. I have been using the word witch recently more often than before. I really like it. There is energy in every word that we utter, in the tone that we use and the feeling that follows. The word derives from the Old English nouns wicca ‘sorcerer, male witch’ and wicce ‘sorceress, female witch’. The word also has some Old English and Germanic roots, which connects with the word we use today ‘hag’, which is what I associate with the most.

A hag to me is an old soul. It is not necessarily an old woman with white hair, as one might imagine. It can be a woman of any age, even a child. To me it is more about her energetic, intuitive sense and her understanding of magical ways ‘make-up’ that makes her ‘old’. The old energy is knowing and directive, feeling at ease with the knowledge of the deeper magic of the world and all experiences around us. It has an ancestral flavour to it and such souls, I feel, have visited the Earth many times before.

Ever since I was a child my mother said I was ‘not of this world’, which being an extremely sensitive soul I always took as her misunderstanding of me, non-acceptance of some sort and even being a threat, however, my ‘adult, old soul’ side proceeded in the way that I knew was right for me and that wisdom later on allowed me understanding of what my mother meant and her ‘wonder’ of me. She also always said and still does that she never worries about me, she knows that I know what to do, when to do it and how to do it and that it will get done whatever it is I set my mind on.

Even as a young woman I always felt beyond my years and I do believe that my being in the young physical body or my association with what a young body is never mattered to me. Physical beauty has always been of less importance to me in myself and others, either male or female. I see ‘through’ people, right into the soul and that’s what always matters. That’s where true beauty lies.

I have also experienced cravings for the old age, I see a huge amount of freedom in being old. I guess this is something to observe as I walk into the middle point of my life this year. Another association and my alignment with the ‘hag’ is my huge attraction to Baba Yaga archetype and the last quarter of the year. Samhain is the most exciting and ‘homely’ time of the year for me. I was also born straight after, in November.

So, while riding my trusted companion this morning I was contemplating the use of words in our daily life. This is something that came up a lot this week in my own work with clients and with my own therapist. The way we talk to ourselves matters hugely, as words hold energies, which we often unconsciously direct into people and things, which then affect events and our behaviour in ways that are not welcomed. For example, as I was exploring with my client earlier this week her situation regarding a job, I heard her saying several times ‘I already decided I am not going to get a job even before I applied’. She then got into a state of anxiety and panic and also an expectation of the outcome being bad, but at the same time hoping it will not be.

What we align with we get back. The universe is the mirror of energies we project and intentions we send out into the world. Most of the time this process is unconscious and that is the point that needs addressing, raising our awareness of our own words and actions. We explored my client’s feelings and her thoughts on changing a lot of words that she uses in her daily life and see if vibrations within her body and around her change. If we change ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ is something that at least opens up a possibility for things to happen and even if they don’t, we would have tried with faith in ourselves, however, if we block something before it even happens, that block will prevent a flow of energy towards the outcome that you are seeking.

Magic is all about intention and manipulating energy towards the outcome that you seek or desire. Using words in the right way and with the vibration in alignment with your desired outcome is very important. I like writing my own spells, but also sometimes when I come across something written by someone else and it sounds ‘just right’ for whatever work I have in mind, I will certainly use it.

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So, on the Eve of 2015 Summer Solstice and with the forthcoming demise of the Oak king we are shifting into the next stage of the year, the Wheel is turning once again. I have felt the looming shift for the whole month, which manifested in my dreams of ‘death and rebirth’, ‘bodies and babies’, feeling energetically quite vibrant, like something is about to be ignited, something new and strong and also sensing some endings, ‘mini death’. I had two clients complete their work in the last two weeks and I am feeling a few things in my life ‘dying out’, old habits that ran its course, a change of things around in my environment and building up new structures, like my new Healing shed. All is good and all makes sense in the world to me when I am in alignment with nature and its cycles and it is so wonderful. I solidify my knowing with a bit of shapeshifting with the elements this morning.

As I fly on my ‘horse’ through fragrant with jasmine and elderflower woods I inhale the cool and pure morning air and I spread my wings like a bird flying into the new space of possibilities.

When I encounter water and yellow lilies poking their beautiful little heads from the deep I become a frog jumping from one leaf to another with my feet touching the water, comforting and healing. I feel immense gratitude.

I become a ball of Fire with vibrant flames and powerful language of the masculine, as I ride with force, drive and full focus, which exhilarates all my senses and the inner dragon delights in its power.

The old tree becomes my Earth and as a Dryad, a tree spirit of the woods, I hug the old Oak and it hugs me back and as I feel enveloped into its warm bark I feel protected and supported.

Wishing you a blessed Summer Solstice, beautiful beings! I am off to Stonehenge and I can not wait to feel at home once again, at one with the Earth, the spirits, the ancestors and with who I AM.

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