In the last two months I have found my new ‘spiritual’, ‘other than’ space through writing. I have loved every second of my passion and particularly how it feels when engaged in it. It feels otherworldly and like nothing else. For that I am immensely grateful and feel joyful knowing I can step into that ‘dimension’, yes, it feels like another sphere all together, when I want to. It is not, of course, as simple as just sitting down and write, but I love that complexity, a challenge, which stretches me intellectually, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
As Yule is approaching I can feel my energy shifting into 2020 goal setting, or a visual and sensory plan I like to envisage. I usually go about this by tuning into my energy and how I feel, which is around, rather than purely looking at physical needs and demands of the outside world, so to speak. What I am discovering is that I feel I would like to step more into my Fire energy. Again, this is not unusual for me with the season of winter, but I think I have forgotten how much I missed it having spent a lot of 2019 in a place that explored more soft, sensitive, quiet ‘me’. You see with writing both are required and I love that. In terms of going forward I would like to step into the Fire of my own inner qualities and run joyfully with that. In the last few days I have had a pep talk with myself, got angry with myself (in a good way) and said ‘enough is enough’ in relation to many things in my life. It felt like an existential shift where I have come to more acceptance of belonging to this earthly world, whether I want to or not, and that I don’t always have choices and neither I should have. There is less discussion, introspection and analysis needed for me at this time and more being present in the physical that I need to manifest. Winter is the perfect time for me to do that, as every year my energy escalates, my mind clears and I become very productive and active. I love it.
In terms of my spiritual practice I would like to implement the elements I am referring to above, e.g. creating more of a routine, consistency and commitment to things I need to be doing. Arriving at what that might be will, of course, be done intuitively, as it is my most natural way of discerning things. The rest will be done in a clean, precise, organised manner. At least I would like to try. Many things have sort of disappeared into the background in terms of practice and I would like raise my awareness more and bring things back into practice, but with a new vigour, in a new way.
My plans are a lot about writing in 2020. That includes literary fiction and poetry and non-fiction on subjects related to earth-based spirituality. I feel excited to have a few projects in the pipe-line. My poetry book ‘Soul Land’ is coming out next year and I am extremely touched and passionate about that collection and in awe of how it came about all together. It was meant to be, the only way I can describe it.
My first step on the way to reawakening traditions will be searching for my Yule log and decorating it for the 21st December celebrations. I love Yule and I love darkness, which always feels super nourishing and comforting to my soul and my body adores cold temperatures. I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating Nature and all her beautiful gifts.
Sometimes what once was the centre of your world becomes exhausting, murky and isolating. This year I have opened my eyes to others’ perspectives on that very important thing I had only looked at from my own heart’s perspective. It can be hard to separate heart and mind when the love one feels is all consuming. It is very true what they say about love being blind. Grateful I am for insights and clarity on a picture, which had only ever had one presentation, nothing else compared and something I fiercely and unconditionally protected shutting eyes and ears to anything else in the process. It nearly cost me dearly and took me away in a direction I knew nothing about however much I convinced myself that I did.
Today I looked at that same picture and saw a gloomy, lonely, unwell landscape what before seemed like haven on earth, the only place to live and die. Strikingly it looked back at me as there we both were as if seeing each other for the first time. What an eye-opening experience this summer. I finally admitted and accepted that suffering does not equate eternal bliss, they are polar opposites, yet my attachment to pain, an old pattern, slowly sneaked up into this experience. Being blind was part of the game, part of the lure into a place dark and lonely. Love is a funny thing and that, I understand, relates to all sorts of love, be it for a person, behaviour, place or a certain feeling. We often get blind-sided by what we are not willing to see for the sake of preserving what we think will ultimately bring us joy. When we get out of our heads and step away from this one perspective we can see all the blind spots. The words of others would ring in our ears all at once and suddenly, for the first time, we hear their voices and see their perspective. Being trapped in a love that is projected, idealised can be dangerous, I know it now, as that kind of love will ask you to give up many things and people, who are actually meant to be in your life. Others are like mirrors into our experience, they are there to point out where we are going wrong and take us back into their arms no matter how far we might have strayed. This is a blessing, as what would happen if there was no way back, no one there to welcome us back to a safe shore?
It has been a difficult summer in particular. I found my allies in places I didn’t expect and returning to a home I long forgot provided me with much needed foundation to start rebuilding my experience, anew, in a different way, more kind and compassionate to the whole of myself, not just an isolated part.
Relationships, however, weak, strong, distant or unnoticed are valuable for us all and should be cultivated and cherished even if only for a while, but the most important thing is to notice, to hear, to allow for that hand of help stretch towards us when we don’t know what is good for us. Living in the earthly is fundamental for the spiritual to feel safe – that much is clear. One without the other is limited and it is also the most difficult integration and manifestation there is, the hardest lesson to learn while we remain in this time space reality.
Summer always feels unsafe to me with its unforgiving, merciless sun and the overwhelm of all senses with dense, unpenetrable forests’ paths. I get lost, confused and on edge all of the time, which makes me vulnerable to all sorts of experiences. They hit all at once, relentless dreams, mental states confusion, anxiety, body shutting down its communication. I don’t feel healthy or well during summer and by the end of it I am always exhausted and in a break-down mode in every way. Now with autumn coming, I am finally coming back to myself., back to safety. Relieved I can begin to breathe again. A process of recovery and reconstruction starts all over again, as it does every year. I am yet to figure out a way of working with summer, something, I suspect, is meant to be that exact way, although difficult to tolerate.
Photo: Arielle Vey ariellevey.com
There are many sides to each and every one of you. Very often we get stuck in the earthly and conditioning so much that we had not been able to see or know who we truly are. That always comes from such messages as ‘you should be this… or this is not acceptable… or this is a good thing to do… are you sure you know what you are doing…’, imposed expectations and conditions from the external environment, family dynamics and ancestral roots. We grow up hearing, seeing and internalising those messages and voices of the external and with that what we truly are gets simply left behind, rejected or forgotten.
In my work I am primarily concerned with and interested in who a person connecting with me in sacred work is. Who is a person without the pain, without the burden of obligation or duty? Who are you? This is exciting and fundamental work for a personal transformation and a fulfilling life. Through intuitive work/intuitive reading you can discover and connect to your sacred parts of the whole. The work goes in cycles and with each cycle a person goes deeper into their layers and discovering more of themselves. This is transformational work I feel very passionate about. As long as we don’t force to be one way or another, put ourselves in a box, trying to either be it all at once or just one as a dominant force, exactly like it has been done to us from the external before, through this work we can reach the depth of inner knowing that will propel us into life in a completely different way. True parts of you cannot be rushed or told what to do. They will come when they are most needed and what’s expected of us is to get to know each of them intimately and know when to call upon one energy/archetype or another. They are a team working together within your psyche and have your best interest at heart only if you give them full understanding, acceptance and unconditional regard and love. They want to be allowed to be and this is very important.
I will share with you examples from my own journey. There are several parts that I know well within me and have built or am building a relationship with. Seasons of the year, the wheel of the year and four seasons of the soul have played a huge part in my journey and you can connect a lot of it with what is going on in nature. My intuitive practice and spell casting are interlinked closely with working in nature. This is part of who I am, something I was born with that can never be lost.
The Nature Spirit – this is my biggest, all-inclusive part that includes The Inner Mother, The Goddess (a few of them depending on where we are in the wheel of the year), The Healer (working with plants predominantly), The Magician (solitary practitioner that seeks solitude and quiet to bring about a change), The Green man (a position masculine energy), The Five Elements, fairy folk, spirits of the woods and many more archetypes. It is the most alive and vibrant energy within me, something I feel I knew even before I was born and is inseparable from the core of who I am.
The Witch – this part is the most connected to underworld/unconscious/the Moon/darkness. It usually comes forth several times a year and the way I recognise it or know it comes into my body is through my hands. Magic energy starts pulsating and buzzing in my hands and goes into my fingers that I can feel it very clearly. What I do with that depends on what intuition tells me at the time and what is going on around me or within me at the time. It can be nothing, just being with it, or doing some creative spell casting (more on that in another post) or change an altar. I always follow my intuition as an Intuitive practitioner. My magic practice is also intuitive rather than ritualistic, mainstream or fixed. The Witch is unsuprisingly fond of autumn time and comes up close to Samhain, and my own birthday time.
Land Guardian – this part is the most connected to my soul, but different from a Nature spirit. This one is all about a deep sacred relationship with the land. It is an expression of the most beautiful love that I know. It is a source of my inspiration, my deepest emotions. This part of me reads various locations naturally, it picks up on land signatures and knows what needs to be healed or how we can be healed by relating to the land.
Wolf – this part is connected to the body. Leezil is a female wolf. It is wild and instinctual and a source of sexual energy. This one feels incredibly freeing and empowering when it is present and makes me feel invincible. It also has the most profound quality of honour and loyalty – my primary life values.
Intuitive self – this part of me is connected to Spirit. It receives messages from the Source for myself or others and it is the most knowing part of me that taught me a lot about living a fully intuitive life. Nowadays I don’t know any other way to live.
Inner child – this part is connected to freedom and joy. I have been working on this part for many years (my inner child was lost for what felt like an eternity and was not reachable for many years. It took a long time and effort to bring it back. I am still working on it discovering more with each inner work cycle. The most recent discovery earlier this year was that there are, in fact, two inner children within me.
These are just some parts and there are many more, of what I see as many parts of the whole and when I sit with a client, who had been ‘in a box’ for many years, it is always the most hopeful thing for them to hear that they are not just THAT, they are many beautiful manifestations of the Spirit. The journey of discovery of these lost parts of yourself that need to be called home and collected into one whole piece is the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed within myself and in working with other people. It is a true privilege to see someone arrive where they had always meant to be.
Image source/Credit to: https://blaqkdiamondgroup.com/green-diamond/issue1/
As a battalion of horsemen charged into my awareness I realised just how much in need we are of the masculine energy, the feminine needs the other half and the earth calls for its active involvement. More than ever the planet needs protection, service, loyalty and hard work of the body, mind and spirit. Sacred masculine, healthy Fire energy, is indispensable for us all in the collective and individually right now and it can be utterly stunning and powerful.
As last year it was predominantly about beautiful qualities of soft, calm, gentle and pure, this year we are going into more of a ‘battle’ from within out. I am being asked to call upon my inner masculine to resolve things that, perhaps, only that energy is able to do in the way that is needed. My masculine is protective, assertive, just, immensely grounding, rational and objective and I have found those qualities a life-saving dynamic when feminine was drowning in chaos and confusion. It holds, it contains just as well as feminine does, but yet so very differently and it is that ‘otherness’ yet warm in its essence that I need right now. The energy of Fire within me is a healthy one and the vibrancy of it had been able to break through walls literary in the past. It is the energy that keeps us moving, it invites productive and authentic action into what needs to be done. Water element/feminine can stagnate and get stuck within us all for reasons of exhaustion and helplessness and that is when Fire is required to come in with intent and passion to catch the feminine mid-fall or pull it out of grey shallow water. There isn’t a lot of negotiation. We need a decision-making that is strong and assertive and fairly quick. As I write this I understand the relevance of this energy now in the collective and things that are happening in societies and in nature. The heartbreak of the feminine, the Earth and her screams and outburst of pain, which manifest in floods, winds and earthquakes is being heard by the masculine. Please do hear her! She often cries in silence that can be breathtakingly beautiful and otherworldly, but also that deep sorrow of the feminine seeks containment and support of the good masculine. It is time we engaged with it and went into a battle on all fronts for the good of the collective, nature and each and every one of us individually.
I can’t tell you how helpful and transformative it can be to summon certain energies from within to aid us in life. Exploration of your masculine and feminine is an absolute must on the road to full awareness and integration, as those two are incredible resources residing within us all and something we can actively use and embody when needed.
In time of spring it is unusual to call upon the masculine, but what is being observed is extra vulnerability of the feminine right now and during this time of year. It is a period of uncertainly and doubt of whether growth will come, if the birth will be successful. I also feel feminine is weakened emotionally this year in particular and needs a helping hand of reassurance. As I watch a silver birch outside my window I hear the call of the masculine, the warmth of the Fire and rejuvenation that is needed.
I bow in front of them both, in front of my own ability to discern what is needed at any given moment and without hesitation or doubt give it to myself and others from within myself. It is not easy, but it is not impossible either once you get to know the energies that live and breathe within us always. Direct it towards doing good and small things grow into manifestations of utter beauty and power for everyone. The world becomes not as scary and ugly, but a place that deserves protection and loyalty, a real place of authentic engagement.
(credit ytube Anime Hardstyle Published on Nov 14, 2013, see the channel for further authorship details)
The first time I knew you my breath was out to abandonment
My knees touched the greenness of your body and in awe I stood amidst a stone circle feeling protected and contained
I lowered myself into your cooling stream imagining I wash myself anew
I knew then I never wanted to be anywhere else
I knew then my love will last a life time
Do you believe in such beauty that delicately transforms your being into something so light and peaceful that is unimaginable in the world like this
I now do believe and the breath leaves me every time I lay my eyes on a silvery Loch in early evening
How can something be in such calmness among such horrors and unthinkable acts
How can something be so soothing to the soul you know there’s no other home for you, for me, for anyone who dares to love
Words are easily overtaken by feelings and it is experience so profound that saying nothing carries the most weight
I’ve been here again and again and without fail my heart remains faithful to the utter bliss you give me so generously, so unconditionally
Worship… not the word, inspiration may be, most of all it is love like the one been and lost, like the one before I was a grown up, when enchantment, wonder and heart laid bare
Like it sprinkled gold on me permanently that can’t be rub off
It shines on the inside like a fire that’s being kept alive eternally
Don’t you find peace in the love once known? Can you name a more welcomed imprint? It lives on
I know it again, here, in this land
It lives on in its glorious clothing of each season with such beauty that spirit rejoices in simply being