Oh how I just want to go and not return

As I would be home at last and forever

This separation seems more and more pointless like waiting for nothing and everything

It is right there. I can feel the land’s beating heart within my own

Yet like chains otherness holds me and it feels like a rope round my neck yet necessary, almost pretending to be a gift

Love is a strange thing. The strangest

It pulls and pushes and one never really knows how to be with it as often there is no reason or explanation. It just is…

Its powerful curse of surrender though can either make you or break you but what’s the worse is not having ever felt it or being fulfilled by it

Damn you, I say in one breath and in another I take in the soul of my child smiling at me

I am walking away one day and another I am asked to stay by warm presence of another

Land or man, wild or contained, soulful or dutiful it is all entwined in the existence of today

I closed my eyes in my sleep earlier today and saw a cottage with Gaelic words above the door. I was speaking the words as if I knew the tongue naturally, but I struggled to make meaning. There was two versions of the wording, I remember that clearly. Walking into the cottage and crouching down due to a low entrance ceiling I was carrying an old water pale. It felt calming, like home, like where I want to be. So clear a vision, a dream