To Love, Friendship and Unity

Beltain

After two hours of working the plot and communing with the soil I felt compelled to relay the energies of today. It is all very new, fresh and to many it will be unknown, but do go with it, embrace it and lessons will be great.

Beltain 2019 is upon us and today is a portal day, which feels like a new opening, a true shift, a push into a slot previously unoccupied. I could feel it at the back of my head and my fingers this morning and it felt good. It was not explosive or buzzing with noise, but subtle and strong like a regular heart beat one might say. The words that I heard were ‘Love, Friendship and Unity in all things’. The spiritual today does seek peace and surrender to a place softer and brighter. It wants connection and true relating for everything and everyone. Even amidst the world’s darkness, fears and wounds today it felt like there is still an invitation to step into your own ‘new’, take a path you haven’t travelled before. The message also was that whatever one chooses to do it doesn’t even have to be big, small steps remaining curious all the way.

Beltain is traditionally a Fire festival of the two joining together and energies rising to bless a forthcoming bounty of the earth and pray for its gifts yet to come. It is the night of dancing, laughter and dropping inhibitions, things that no longer lit our spark and had gone dull. I felt the element of today, however, was Air. Interesting how things shift without having to explain themselves, something we can all take away as a lesson. Hence my altar naturally did not have any candles on this morning or flowers and only incense representing ‘airing things out’ of a space, life, consciousness, etc. It always makes sense to me. However, what I feel will happen later on this week the effect of this year’s Beltain will grow stronger and that is where Fire element will come in, more towards the weekend. I do plan a Fire celebration with friends and family to show love and embrace good, genuine friendships and allow myself be united with everything that this earthly realm can offer. Most of all unity within is an important aspect. Why do we often fight ourselves, hate on ourselves, blame and criticise ourselves – that has to go, as those are obvious blockers to what is possible. Meet your needs, apply self-compassion daily, rest your mind and soul and nourish your body.

Hope everyone has a beautiful Beltain full of renewal energy.

Many blessings!

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Return of the masculine

a call for masculine

As a battalion of horsemen charged into my awareness I realised just how much in need we are of the masculine energy, the feminine needs the other half and the earth calls for its active involvement. More than ever the planet needs protection, service, loyalty and hard work of the body, mind and spirit. Sacred masculine, healthy Fire energy, is indispensable for us all in the collective and individually right now and it can be utterly stunning and powerful.

As last year it was predominantly about beautiful qualities of soft, calm, gentle and pure, this year we are going into more of a ‘battle’ from within out. I am being asked to call upon my inner masculine to resolve things that, perhaps, only that energy is able to do in the way that is needed. My masculine is protective, assertive, just, immensely grounding, rational and objective and I have found those qualities a life-saving dynamic when feminine was drowning in chaos and confusion. It holds, it contains just as well as feminine does, but yet so very differently  and it is that ‘otherness’ yet warm in its essence that I need right now. The energy of Fire within me is a healthy one and the vibrancy of it had been able to break through walls literary in the past. It is the energy that keeps us moving, it invites productive and authentic action into what needs to be done. Water element/feminine can stagnate and get stuck within us all for reasons of exhaustion and helplessness and that is when Fire is required to come in with intent and passion to catch the feminine mid-fall or pull it out of grey shallow water. There isn’t a lot of negotiation. We need a decision-making that is strong and assertive and fairly quick. As I write this I understand the relevance of this energy now in the collective and things that are happening in societies and in nature. The heartbreak of the feminine, the Earth and her screams and outburst of pain, which manifest in floods, winds and earthquakes is being heard by the masculine. Please do hear her! She often cries in silence that can be breathtakingly beautiful and otherworldly, but also that deep sorrow of the feminine seeks containment and support of the good masculine. It is time we engaged with it and went into a battle on all fronts for the good of the collective, nature and each and every one of us individually.

I can’t tell you how helpful and transformative it can be to summon certain energies from within to aid us in life. Exploration of your masculine and feminine is an absolute must on the road to full awareness and integration, as those two are incredible resources residing within us all and something we can actively use and embody when needed.

In time of spring it is unusual to call upon the masculine, but what is being observed is extra vulnerability of the feminine right now and during this time of year. It is a period of uncertainly and doubt of whether growth will come, if the birth will be successful. I also feel feminine is weakened emotionally this year in particular and needs a helping hand of reassurance. As I watch a silver birch outside my window I hear the call of the masculine, the warmth of the Fire and rejuvenation that is needed.

I bow in front of them both, in front of my own ability to discern what is needed at any given moment and without hesitation or doubt give it to myself and others from within myself. It is not easy, but it is not impossible either once you get to know the energies that live and breathe within us always. Direct it towards doing good and small things grow into manifestations of utter beauty and power for everyone. The world becomes not as scary and ugly, but a place that deserves protection and loyalty, a real place of authentic engagement.

(credit ytube Anime Hardstyle Published on Nov 14, 2013, see the channel for further authorship details)

Energy before Litha

summer solstice 2018

There is a clear, thick, tangible build-up of energy that happens around end of June, as we approach the longest day of the year. The feeling is parallel to gathering our strength and resources ready for a release or a metaphorical battle of some sort. You might notice at this time that feelings of anger can start to manifest all around you and I begin to notice it within myself and others. There is a degree of dissatisfaction and frustration. However, there is a good texture and taste to it. It is not a sort of anger that festers quietly and then explodes, but more of a conscious brewing that is slowly waiting to be released.

When we look at the cycles of nature and the time around Summer Solstice the two kings, Holly and Oak, are about to go into a fight for their reign of power over the season. It is a thing of balance between light and dark and who is going to rule what at what time. This can’t happen without a certain degree of tension, as we can imagine, which is felt all around us during this time, but there is also a degree of understanding and agreement that things must progress the way they always do. I never feel unbalanced before Litha, as I would be in other times of year, e.g. as summer is very grounded in the wisdom and glory of all life and we instinctively know what is going to happen and why. Trust that feeling. It a similar sort of fight, as with Cailleach and Brigit when spring arrives and the old hag finds it difficult to hand over the land to light and warmth, but with spring things are still uncertain, the most wobbly time for me usually. Summer holds a different vibration.

Summer is a Fire element season and as well as the two kings fighting over the throne of the season, the Green man and the Maiden are now in union and she is carrying a seed of harvest within. It is a blessed time and a balance between masculine and feminine is needed. Following the Summer Solstice I normally feel that balance coming into play more prominently. There is always a release after the festival and a clear felt beginning of a new cycle. Things also begin to calm down and inner and outer feels more settled and less turbulent. For now if anger is around and within you, seek to work with it as a tool of transformation. Direct it into assertive, passionate conversations with your loved one or a friend/colleague. Bring things out into the open, something you have always wanted to address, but haven’t yet done so. Put that inner Fire to good use and use the time to start and complete a project. Fire is the element of enthusiasm, dynamic masculine energy and commitment to the cause. It is also a good time for us to commit to a good undertaking and make some promises to ourselves, which we can continue to honour for the rest of the year.

Blessed Solstice!

Renewed signature of Beltain 2018

fire-3

Beltain this year has been anticipated, which is very in contrast to my usually triggered time associated with the festival. This year everything is newly born, all is different and surrounded and supported by an overarching signature of love and devotion. It has been a truly beautiful energy to immerse in and integrate it as a permanent knowing of what is possible. My usual rejection of the masculine instead turned into curiosity, invitation, some risk taking even and exploration this year.

In my dream the other night multiple memories popped up around various encounters that span throughout my life and I have seen a side of myself, which had long been buried, suppressed, yet this year it is all coming out around this divine timing. I was equally shocked, revived and marvelled at material that jumped out of my unconscious – a wild, fearless, playful, seductive and very relation part of myself stood right in front of me in a kaleidoscope of engagements with the masculine. My sense is now that once again she feels safe in the current union and secure in herself to come out in the open. I also know that the male would very much welcome her in a dance of a deep and passionate connection. She does have passion in buckets.

Love, sex, passion, commitment, tenderness, togetherness, attentive engagement and deeper understanding. Receiving, not rejecting. Compassionate, not cruel. Silently wise, not abusive and loud. Showing and guiding, not expecting. These are vibrations that are present in the current feminine signature of today’s Beltain for me.

In the whole elemental confusion and sorting there is clarify. In recent weeks a lot happened that led me to an even deeper connection to the masculine in my life. I used to say I’d take my soul connection to the land over my commitment to a man. I felt disconnected, resentful, in a place of my wounded Maiden, my scarred May queen. But when the ring I used in ‘a descent to the underworld’ ceremony a few year ago when I ‘married’ the land of my soul, got ruined in water (profound), it felt significant and worth noticing.

When away in Cornwall early last month and not feeling in alignment with the place I also clearly saw my man’s connection to it and it made me re-think both, my commitment to the land of my soul and to him. For the first time in years he came first. I felt and knew it. What I came to realise that letting him be is something unquestionable and all I can do is find another way to say in connection to the land and get that rooted nourishment I crave so often, but not sacrificing what I have in other areas. This lessons had been a long time coming and now it is grounded.

My engagement ring went back on my finger today, before Beltain fires are lit and it now feels right once again. Looking at the ring it is as if seeing it for the first time with a renewed wisdom of its meaning. It has four corners, complete and simple, it signifies my renewed union.

In your Beltain dance of Firy love and passion tonight let things unfold and be. Set yourself and your man free and, perhaps, through releasing and letting things ‘grow and germinate naturally’ a flow of something else will join the river of what is life as it is right now for your both, forever open and inviting to the energies of nature. As above, so below, as within so is out!

Blessed Beltain!

previous years’ posts

My Beltaine darkness

Beltaine 2016 

 

Happy Winter Solstice 2017

winter-solstice

Blessings to all this Winter Solstice! Let there be light again.

Gratitude and appreciation for all support for RawPagan blog. Look forward to more sharing and connection in 2018.

Natalia

From wounded to confident – journey continues…

Maiden on Beltane No other month, I find, triggers me into sorrow and anger more than May and I have been coming into awareness why over the last two years. Beltane is always a trigger. I have been working with balancing feminine and masculine for the last few years. Bringing the feminine forth and learning how to be that and balancing the deeply distorted masculine, which lived within for so long, but didn’t work within my ‘female’ soft being. I now connect well to the feminine, strong, soft and vulnerable, wise and compassionate, yet masculine, although missing violent, aggressive and abusive side, is yet to be redefined within me. This is one of the posts that I suspect I am yet to write about the process of connecting with the Divine feminine and masculine.

This year my Maiden appears different. I suspect it happened as a result of me coming into the energy more and way deeper than before. Maiden within has been going through a transformation quietly, but with strong assured energy of knowing what was needed. I realised it has been happening deeply in the under-layers without displaying, like a worker bee or a spider patiently weaving their webs or trees waiting for the blooms to come through winter. My Maiden has a strong work ethic and patience – what a revelation. From a Firy (distorted masculine traits), wounded, screaming deity with a tinge of someone being spoilt to a studious, steady and confident.

Dance to my beat – the Green Man said

She stepped slowly into the circle adjusting her flowing skirts and made her first move

He stood mesmerised by her confident posture and playful glint in her eye

He joined her in a dance of teasing and their clothes gently brushed together

He watched and waited without force or invitation

She grew in confidence with every step she took and walked over to him

Take me into your arms and spin me faster and faster – she said

He obligingly swept her into a sweet embrace and lifted her off the ground  into a joyful spin

Oh how they laughed and held each other in love and sweet union

Oh how they danced all night into the hours of dawn

This is all good and well, all that dancing and the season is all wonderfully joyful, but for the last few years Beltane had been a festival, which triggered me into old wounds of loneliness and betrayal. All energies masculine were seen as negative, abusive and disloyal. I usually spend the day sick in bed and wanting to hide. This year is not that different, as I am not willing to connect to the masculine as, perhaps, expected by the festival.

Well, it sort of crept up on me this year and even though again I am not feeling great within my body, which serves as a reminder of that old pattern, I am also feeling shifts in feminine energies. I spent the last part of 2016 and the beginning of this working on healing the masculine within. It has been a hard road and difficult wounding to transform and I am not there yet, but I know I am on the right track. I feel I have been gently led into Beltane this year. My Maiden feels confident right now and knows exactly what she wants. I also wrote this post about redefining my Beltaine, or rather focusing on other aspects of the festival. I notice how I spell the word differently in my post too HERE 

This month’s insights go even deeper and questions come up in relation to feminine and masculine deities. I struggle to connect with a masculine energy still. It seems to have no voice, substance or even a face or form in my awareness. It is empty at the moment. I begin to think about relationships between Gods and Goddesses, what does that look like? Beltane is about sex, love, marriage and relating yet what I experience is a separation on some level and I really feel it.  I am still unable to see qualities of the Green Man other than his function to connect with the Maiden. I wonder if the Maiden even wants that connection? I suspect she does, but, perhaps, on her terms and more in balance rather than a forced assumed position of what her purpose must be and what expectation of the season is. She’s got to have consent. I wonder what would be should she choose not to marry and get pregnant… what would happen if she rebelled? I suspect it is again about finding a balance, a compromise and not involve extreme ways of going about things.

I suspect this won’t be the last post exploring masculine and feminine and I intend continuing my research and experiences in this area.

 

FIRE element and productivity

Fire_EyeHow to become more focused, driven, motivated and goal-oriented for whatever task you are seeking to engage with and complete?

It is often quite a difficult alchemical process for so many of us to access that ‘get go’ feeling, to motivate yourself into doing something productive, necessary, exciting and important. We procrastinate, we distract ourselves, we kid ourselves that it will come and somehow miraculously it will get done. We deny ourselves a chance to explore what is underneath our postponement of life essentially.

Exploration is one way of accessing the layers unseen preventing us from propelling into a flowing life of action, feeling, engagement and fulfilment. This can apply to all life tasks from doing the dishes to writing, from fixing something to starting a big project. Some of these things seem out of reach and they forever remain in our fantasy of ‘oh, perhaps, tomorrow’, other things are ever so much more pressing, necessary tasks to be performed for a fully functioning life.

What do we achieve by digging deeper? We, first of all, allow ourselves a chance to find something out. We also allow ourselves to feel whatever needs to be felt. We put ourselves under a microscope and really see ourselves in that moment. That is priceless. Often just that one act of allowing and questioning yourself when something isn’t working can begin a process of unfolding and lead to some revelations followed by a change in behaviour. If we did this with all our hang-ups, triggers, things that stop us in our tracks and honestly just bring a mirror close to it to see what is behind that feeling that is blocking the life flow. Powerful process.

With productivity in particular Fire element is important. It is a manifestation of our driving force and inner courage to be in the dark but constantly driving towards light. It is about not giving up, but walking through obstacles and dealing with it one by one with understanding and acceptance. It is about honour and integrity and love for all that supports us.

What helps me to get in touch with that Fire of productivity when I have a project I must get on with, a deadline I must meet, a report I have to produce, etc. I visualise myself stepping into Fire in my creative imagination and witnessing myself burn, but with strength and power, enjoyment of transforming into something so bright that nothing can overshadow it. I become Fire, I fling my arms up and down in it, I feel the heat, I embrace the discomfort of doing something I might not want to do, but with a deep knowing that not only I can do it, I can do it damn well. I do not allow myself to lose focus.

On my desk I light a red candle to my right and I let it burn as I write. I feel such support and comfort in the flame burning next to me like a torch, which is constant amidst all of my resistance. I stay firmly in my chair and I focus. Through staying in that state, I begin to enjoy that powerful drive produced by the Fire qualities within me and I find myself speeding up, focusing even more and soon enough I am at the finish line.

Invoke Fire when you need to feel driven, focused, and passionate about something and concentrate on the end goal without an option of giving up until it is done.