What Am I For?

dawn_dusk_evening_fog_landscape_mist_moon_morning_604253

 

A bird, a tree, a rock; they know what they are for, what freedom is

Simplicity of it pierces through me breaking my heart for I can’t reach that state of knowing

Human…

I am misplaced, shapeshifted here and there, but nowhere I know what I am for

I do it all and do it well, as there’s nothing else to be done, yet there is always a bodily grumble, a jerk and a sting in the tongue, as joy is lost and never there

What am I for? I do not know

In constant searching I tire desiring for extinction, yet if not searching then what?

Grabbing onto something, anything, somewhere, but nothing stays, as it should or should it not be that way?

Is being misplaced a ‘what for’ in itself?

The non-human calls me, as it knows what is what, it had always known and for that I love it so

Thrown into this life one more time I swam and walked straight off with confidence, but devoid of knowing what am I for?

Was I for something, but no more? Seem to have had and lost too early, known too soon, aged ahead of time. Is that it? Neither a witch nor a monk, but both

I seem to know a lot of parts

A bit of everything, but no one thing and I want to be one thing

Past love returns through dreams to remind me of the loss and the feeling that burns with such purity and light

It hurts, but the pain is sweet, the pain is deadly, yet alive. Is love what I was for, but no longer?

I drop it all now and again, empty out the way for something to take shape, to become once more

It comes, it stays, and it fuels, but not for long before the craving rises up again for

What am I for?

Now and again I grab hold of the golden thread and cherish it for a time

Before it slips out of my hand once again to become something or anything, but not mine

Am I a shapeshifting entity adapting to what is? Is that enough? Is that worthy of staying, being?

Perhaps it’s always been with nothing solid or constant needed

Perhaps the flow is where it’s at, for I speak of the flow often

Why does the yearning not stop and bitterness grows at times?

Why the peace alludes me and tears always stand on ready

Perhaps, it is a part of a crying body, dark texture of a human that also wants to be

And I am a carrier of its skin and depth

Perhaps, that is just so and what if that is not me, or one or constant

Perhaps, I am the ever-changing sketch of all things life, all voices of the unknown

In times of tiredness I crave the knowledge of the way of trees, rocks and birds

It comes over and over, but a shapeshifter needs rest, space, and formlessness

Hence emptiness is a necessary part of life too

What am I for? A lifetime spent asking questions is a life worth having

Perhaps…

@copyrightNC2020

A new book announcement

final cover

Excited to announce the final cover for my forthcoming book from Moon Books. To be published in April 2021

A guide and companion on an individual journey to true self-empowerment through reclaiming the power of intuition, this book celebrates who you are, utilizes intuition, nature principles and elements and puts YOU and your magical practice at the centre. Aimed at beginners, / Pagan Portals – Intuitive Magic Practice/ is easy to follow and will help you discover techniques, methods and practices you can adapt for your own magical practice

“Great book! Trusting in your intuition is, I believe, key to working good magic. Learning how to trust it can be difficult. Natalia Clarke leads you through the process step by step with information, personal experience and exercises. Everything you need to take you on your own intuition discovery journey.” Rachel Patterson, author of several Witchcraft books including /Witchcraft into the Wilds/, /Grimoire of a Kitchen Witch/ and the /Kitchen Witchcraft/ series.

Winter stories

The darkest night, oh how rich and comforting your gifts

Like the darkest depth of the earth it contains our sorrows and joys

Care taking all potential

It keeps it, churns it and later

We emerge as new towards the light

We stretch into the sun seeking transformation

~RawNatureSpirit~

Landscapes and emotions

The first thing to do when we are overwhelmed is to recognise and acknowledge it’s there. Stop being brave and seek to suppress or control, just step into the chaos. It can be a scary concept and counterintuitive but what if we tried, as fighting it is futile.

We must admit something or someone overwhelms us in a way we are no longer in control. We are being swallowed whole by this force larger than ourselves.

I experience it with nature more and more and with particular landscapes. It has been a useful realisation as I continue on my journey of relationship with nature. Overwhelm in particular places reflect parts of myself that are extremely wild and raw, out of control, even damaging. Very damaging. Like an untameable beast it awakens ready to devour when I am in contact with places remote, derelict and moody. I always fear I won’t come back from it yet unable to stay away until this time I looked it straight in the face and admitted defeat, so to speak.

If some landscapes evoke that energy within me that don’t feel safe, sustainable or ‘in life’, there has to be other lands that tap into a gentler, softer parts that are also there. This is what I’d like to explore for the rest of this year and next. As we approach the end of the year I can already see a particular signature emerging for the collective to explore. Kindness, gentle way of being, softer voice and touch and compassion towards everything around us.

In terms of elements I am craving more earth, more sustainability, connection, rational, solid and secure. Leaving the fire season behind feels soothing to my body and soul and I realise the tiredness of fight and anxiety the wild beast awakens in me. I almost wish to be covered up, all cosy and warm in the Earth under leaves, amidst twigs and moisture of its body. I will go on a search of places that will help me connect with other sides through the body rather than a spiritual understanding of particular landscapes. I need to go in and down rather than up and outwards. In this exploration I would like to find further deeper connections with seasons and elements and what it all means in the overall relationship I continue to cultivate with nature.

Sacred parts of the WHOLE

intuitive readings

There are many sides to each and every one of you. Very often we get stuck in the earthly and conditioning so much that we had not been able to see or know who we truly are. That always comes from such messages as ‘you should be this… or this is not acceptable… or this is a good thing to do… are you sure you know what you are doing…’, imposed expectations and conditions from the external environment, family dynamics and ancestral roots. We grow up hearing, seeing and internalising those messages and voices of the external and with that what we truly are gets simply left behind, rejected or forgotten.

In my work I am primarily concerned with and interested in who a person connecting with me in sacred work is. Who is a person without the pain, without the burden of obligation or duty? Who are you? This is exciting and fundamental work for a personal transformation and a fulfilling life. Through intuitive work/intuitive reading you can discover and connect to your sacred parts of the whole. The work goes in cycles and with each cycle a person goes deeper into their layers and discovering more of themselves. This is transformational work I feel very passionate about.  As long as we don’t force to be one way or another, put ourselves in a box, trying to either be it all at once or just one as a dominant force, exactly like it has been done to us from the external before, through this work we can reach the depth of inner knowing that will propel us into life in a completely different way. True parts of you cannot be rushed or told what to do. They will come when they are most needed and what’s expected of us is to get to know each of them intimately and know when to call upon one energy/archetype or another. They are a team working together within your psyche and have your best interest at heart only if you give them full understanding, acceptance and unconditional regard and love. They want to be allowed to be and this is very important.

I will share with you examples from my own journey. There are several parts that I know well within me and have built or am building a relationship with. Seasons of the year, the wheel of the year and four seasons of the soul have played a huge part in my journey and you can connect a lot of it with what is going on in nature. My intuitive practice and spell casting are interlinked closely with working in nature. This is part of who I am, something I was born with that can never be lost.

The Nature Spirit – this is my biggest, all-inclusive part that includes The Inner Mother, The Goddess (a few of them depending on where we are in the wheel of the year), The Healer (working with plants predominantly), The Magician (solitary practitioner that seeks solitude and quiet to bring about a change), The Green man (a position masculine energy), The Five Elements, fairy folk, spirits of the woods and many more archetypes. It is the most alive and vibrant energy within me, something I feel I knew even before I was born and is inseparable from the core of who I am.

The Witch – this part is the most connected to underworld/unconscious/the Moon/darkness. It usually comes forth several times a year and the way I recognise it or know it comes into my body is through my hands. Magic energy starts pulsating and buzzing in my hands and goes into my fingers that I can feel it very clearly. What I do with that depends on what intuition tells me at the time and what is going on around me or within me at the time. It can be nothing, just being with it, or doing some creative spell casting (more on that in another post) or change an altar. I always follow my intuition as an Intuitive practitioner. My magic practice is also intuitive rather than ritualistic, mainstream or fixed. The Witch is unsuprisingly fond of autumn time and comes up close to Samhain, and my own birthday time.

Land Guardian – this part is the most connected to my soul, but different from a Nature spirit. This one is all about a deep sacred relationship with the land. It is an expression of the most beautiful love that I know. It is a source of my inspiration, my deepest emotions. This part of me reads various locations naturally, it picks up on land signatures and knows what needs to be healed or how we can be healed by relating to the land.

Wolf – this part is connected to the body. Leezil is a female wolf. It is wild and instinctual and a source of sexual energy. This one feels incredibly freeing and empowering when it is present and makes me feel invincible. It also has the most profound quality of honour and loyalty – my primary life values.

Intuitive self – this part of me is connected to Spirit. It receives messages from the Source for myself or others and it is the most knowing part of me that taught me a lot about living a fully intuitive life. Nowadays I don’t know any other way to live.

Inner child – this part is connected to freedom and joy. I have been working on this part for many years (my inner child was lost for what felt like an eternity and was not reachable for many years. It took a long time and effort to bring it back. I am still working on it discovering more with each inner work cycle. The most recent discovery earlier this year was that there are, in fact, two inner children within me.

These are just some parts and there are many more, of what I see as many parts of the whole and when I sit with a client, who had been ‘in a box’ for many years, it is always the most hopeful thing for them to hear that they are not just THAT, they are many beautiful manifestations of the Spirit. The journey of discovery of these lost parts of yourself that need to be called home and collected into one whole piece is the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed within myself and in working with other people. It is a true privilege to see someone arrive where they had always meant to be.

Work with me

Many blessings!

Image source/Credit to: https://blaqkdiamondgroup.com/green-diamond/issue1/

What if I flow…

What if I just flow…

With the wind in the wildest place

With water soft as silk the colour of silver

With green pine needles fragrant with essence

What if I become it…

The place where love is the only religion

That breathes deep nature spirit for eternity

All is well the land whispers into my soul spreading her seasons around me

Go well in my soothing presence and know your belonging in the deepest roots of all creation