I can hear her calling. Hardly there like a whisper it is carried by gentle wind. There is no force or vigour in that call, just a brush on my being making awareness known that she is waiting, she is there. There is comfort in knowing somewhere hundreds of miles away there is a place that exists and willing to accept you just as you are. It comes as a song, as the land sings in tunes that can be heard amidst its beauty. Every time I am alone in the wilderness, particularly near water, the song comes alive on my lips. It is such a natural feeling that I can’t help but pick up a tune and carry it through the land. It is an act of participation in the land’s dreaming, in its being state just as it is. I feel belonging in a way I can’t explain. It is a modest, humble way of being present; behaving in a way that does not possess, disturb or claim any rights to it and that is how the land wants it. It opens up in ways unexpected revealing the simplest, but the most stunning corners of its soul, be it in a rain drop on a blade of grass or a blanket of mist over loch in early hours. It is truly feminine on the whole, I feel, particularly in certain places. It is so on the Isle of Mull where I am going. There is no rush or anything planned, it is in the flow of any given day that the land is there for me to participate in and there is so much to discover through being with her.
It can be overwhelming so I feel nervous once again as the day of reunion approaches. It is that feeling of meeting a lover, someone utterly dear to your heart that you’ve been separated from for a while. It is the feeling we are all familiar with when we finally step into their embrace and it is both ecstatic and overwhelming and it takes time to ground in being together in the same place. I never know what to expect and try hard not to have any ideas preconceived by past experiences. My mind creates these states due to nervousness within me, which is completely natural. It is hard not to rush into feeling either and get swept away with it before the journey even begins, but again, that is also natural when going to a place that although non-human is animate to me in every sense. It has a distinct smell to me and it sounds in a particular way. Visual alone is all consuming and touching its skin being it stones, moss, heather or a surface of a loch often threatens to swallow me up through overload of emotions. It is fully alive within me and it is no surprise containing it all within little old me is difficult, but year after year I go, I participate, I learn and will continue for as long as I hear the song distant, but loud within my heart.
A bird, a tree, a rock; they know what they are for, what freedom is
Simplicity of it pierces through me breaking my heart for I can’t reach that state of knowing
I am misplaced, shapeshifted here and there, but nowhere I know what I am for
I do it all and do it well, as there’s nothing else to be done, yet there is always a bodily grumble, a jerk and a sting in the tongue, as joy is lost and never there
What am I for? I do not know
In constant searching I tire desiring for extinction, yet if not searching then what?
Grabbing onto something, anything, somewhere, but nothing stays, as it should or should it not be that way?
Is being misplaced a ‘what for’ in itself?
The non-human calls me, as it knows what is what, it had always known and for that I love it so
Thrown into this life one more time I swam and walked straight off with confidence, but devoid of knowing what am I for?
Was I for something, but no more? Seem to have had and lost too early, known too soon, aged ahead of time. Is that it? Neither a witch nor a monk, but both
I seem to know a lot of parts
A bit of everything, but no one thing and I want to be one thing
Past love returns through dreams to remind me of the loss and the feeling that burns with such purity and light
It hurts, but the pain is sweet, the pain is deadly, yet alive. Is love what I was for, but no longer?
I drop it all now and again, empty out the way for something to take shape, to become once more
It comes, it stays, and it fuels, but not for long before the craving rises up again for
What am I for?
Now and again I grab hold of the golden thread and cherish it for a time
Before it slips out of my hand once again to become something or anything, but not mine
Am I a shapeshifting entity adapting to what is? Is that enough? Is that worthy of staying, being?
Perhaps it’s always been with nothing solid or constant needed
Perhaps the flow is where it’s at, for I speak of the flow often
Why does the yearning not stop and bitterness grows at times?
Why the peace alludes me and tears always stand on ready
Perhaps, it is a part of a crying body, dark texture of a human that also wants to be
And I am a carrier of its skin and depth
Perhaps, that is just so and what if that is not me, or one or constant
Perhaps, I am the ever-changing sketch of all things life, all voices of the unknown
In times of tiredness I crave the knowledge of the way of trees, rocks and birds
It comes over and over, but a shapeshifter needs rest, space, and formlessness
Hence emptiness is a necessary part of life too
What am I for? A lifetime spent asking questions is a life worth having
Excited to announce the final cover for my forthcoming book from Moon Books. To be published in April 2021
A guide and companion on an individual journey to true self-empowerment through reclaiming the power of intuition, this book celebrates who you are, utilizes intuition, nature principles and elements and puts YOU and your magical practice at the centre. Aimed at beginners, / Pagan Portals – Intuitive Magic Practice/ is easy to follow and will help you discover techniques, methods and practices you can adapt for your own magical practice
“Great book! Trusting in your intuition is, I believe, key to working good magic. Learning how to trust it can be difficult. Natalia Clarke leads you through the process step by step with information, personal experience and exercises. Everything you need to take you on your own intuition discovery journey.” Rachel Patterson, author of several Witchcraft books including /Witchcraft into the Wilds/, /Grimoire of a Kitchen Witch/ and the /Kitchen Witchcraft/ series.
Dear Guests and Friends,
Soul Land is available at a discount and author-signed paperback copies are available directly from me. Matching e-book price, which you can find on Amazon if you prefer ebooks.
In the last two months I have found my new ‘spiritual’, ‘other than’ space through writing. I have loved every second of my passion and particularly how it feels when engaged in it. It feels otherworldly and like nothing else. For that I am immensely grateful and feel joyful knowing I can step into that ‘dimension’, yes, it feels like another sphere all together, when I want to. It is not, of course, as simple as just sitting down and write, but I love that complexity, a challenge, which stretches me intellectually, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
As Yule is approaching I can feel my energy shifting into 2020 goal setting, or a visual and sensory plan I like to envisage. I usually go about this by tuning into my energy and how I feel, which is around, rather than purely looking at physical needs and demands of the outside world, so to speak. What I am discovering is that I feel I would like to step more into my Fire energy. Again, this is not unusual for me with the season of winter, but I think I have forgotten how much I missed it having spent a lot of 2019 in a place that explored more soft, sensitive, quiet ‘me’. You see with writing both are required and I love that. In terms of going forward I would like to step into the Fire of my own inner qualities and run joyfully with that. In the last few days I have had a pep talk with myself, got angry with myself (in a good way) and said ‘enough is enough’ in relation to many things in my life. It felt like an existential shift where I have come to more acceptance of belonging to this earthly world, whether I want to or not, and that I don’t always have choices and neither I should have. There is less discussion, introspection and analysis needed for me at this time and more being present in the physical that I need to manifest. Winter is the perfect time for me to do that, as every year my energy escalates, my mind clears and I become very productive and active. I love it.
In terms of my spiritual practice I would like to implement the elements I am referring to above, e.g. creating more of a routine, consistency and commitment to things I need to be doing. Arriving at what that might be will, of course, be done intuitively, as it is my most natural way of discerning things. The rest will be done in a clean, precise, organised manner. At least I would like to try. Many things have sort of disappeared into the background in terms of practice and I would like raise my awareness more and bring things back into practice, but with a new vigour, in a new way.
My plans are a lot about writing in 2020. That includes literary fiction and poetry and non-fiction on subjects related to earth-based spirituality. I feel excited to have a few projects in the pipe-line. My poetry book ‘Soul Land’ is coming out next year and I am extremely touched and passionate about that collection and in awe of how it came about all together. It was meant to be, the only way I can describe it.
My first step on the way to reawakening traditions will be searching for my Yule log and decorating it for the 21st December celebrations. I love Yule and I love darkness, which always feels super nourishing and comforting to my soul and my body adores cold temperatures. I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating Nature and all her beautiful gifts.
The energy of Mabon is upon us and it feels immensely nourishing. The time is truly reflective of things dying off, competing projects, merging with the earth in a way that goes back to its original state, a state of emptiness and darkness. It is not about dying, but leaving the light behind and withdrawing into the darkness of all things till light returns. All must come to an end. Looking back on the year we can think of what needs to die, what we struggled with that we now must accept as the ultimate release, ending and conclusion.
For me this Mabon I am letting go of something that had proved futile after years of struggling to keep it alive. Acceptance of an end is not easy yet energies are asking me to come to terms with the door that is now closing. In fact it had been locked for many years and this autumn I am finally letting it go. We must turn around and walk away knowing we tried, fought and didn’t win. It is the time for the struggle to end, to release attachments to what is not to be, not now and possibly not ever. This time of year teaches us to come back to ourselves as if we are to be born again, not reliving old scripts, holding on to perceived desires and going against the current.
“Walk away, leave it to die completely,” it says. Release resistance to what must dissipate into dust.
Deep sadness is present during this time yet there is a promise of being free of struggles once I shed what is destined to dissipate into dust. It is important I give gratitude for the experiences that are offered to me daily, some profound and some simple. All of it is wrapped up as one gift of life, learning, pain and joy, all as one sacred experience of life and who we are. Counting your blessings at this time can work as a relief that weary souls are in need of this time of year.