All things must come to an end

autumn in Scotland, Perthshire

The energy of Mabon is upon us and it feels immensely nourishing. The time is truly reflective of things dying off, competing projects, merging with the earth in a way that goes back to its original state, a state of emptiness and darkness. It is not about dying, but leaving the light behind and withdrawing into the darkness of all things till light returns. All must come to an end. Looking back on the year we can think of what needs to die, what we struggled with that we now must accept as the ultimate release, ending and conclusion.

For me this Mabon I am letting go of something that had proved futile after years of struggling to keep it alive. Acceptance of an end is not easy yet energies are asking me to come to terms with the door that is now closing. In fact it had been locked for many years and this autumn I am finally letting it go. We must turn around and walk away knowing we tried, fought and didn’t win. It is the time for the struggle to end, to release attachments to what is not to be, not now and possibly not ever. This time of year teaches us to come back to ourselves as if we are to be born again, not reliving old scripts, holding on to perceived desires and going against the current.

“Walk away, leave it to die completely,” it says. Release resistance to what must dissipate into dust.

Deep sadness is present during this time yet there is a promise of being free of struggles once I shed what is destined to dissipate into dust. It is important I give gratitude for the experiences that are offered to me daily, some profound and some simple. All of it is wrapped up as one gift of life, learning, pain and joy, all as one sacred experience of life and who we are. Counting your blessings at this time can work as a relief that weary souls are in need of this time of year.

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Landscapes and emotions

The first thing to do when we are overwhelmed is to recognise and acknowledge it’s there. Stop being brave and seek to suppress or control, just step into the chaos. It can be a scary concept and counterintuitive but what if we tried, as fighting it is futile.

We must admit something or someone overwhelms us in a way we are no longer in control. We are being swallowed whole by this force larger than ourselves.

I experience it with nature more and more and with particular landscapes. It has been a useful realisation as I continue on my journey of relationship with nature. Overwhelm in particular places reflect parts of myself that are extremely wild and raw, out of control, even damaging. Very damaging. Like an untameable beast it awakens ready to devour when I am in contact with places remote, derelict and moody. I always fear I won’t come back from it yet unable to stay away until this time I looked it straight in the face and admitted defeat, so to speak.

If some landscapes evoke that energy within me that don’t feel safe, sustainable or ‘in life’, there has to be other lands that tap into a gentler, softer parts that are also there. This is what I’d like to explore for the rest of this year and next. As we approach the end of the year I can already see a particular signature emerging for the collective to explore. Kindness, gentle way of being, softer voice and touch and compassion towards everything around us.

In terms of elements I am craving more earth, more sustainability, connection, rational, solid and secure. Leaving the fire season behind feels soothing to my body and soul and I realise the tiredness of fight and anxiety the wild beast awakens in me. I almost wish to be covered up, all cosy and warm in the Earth under leaves, amidst twigs and moisture of its body. I will go on a search of places that will help me connect with other sides through the body rather than a spiritual understanding of particular landscapes. I need to go in and down rather than up and outwards. In this exploration I would like to find further deeper connections with seasons and elements and what it all means in the overall relationship I continue to cultivate with nature.

When love is too much

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I said good bye to the land yesterday and this time it is indefinitely. I need to rebuild myself from, what feels like, ground up, as I am completely broken and exhausted from love. Yes, that is possible and I have been here before with another previous love, a human kind. The land has always been like a living breathing entity to me. Our relationship now needs a break and I hear everything it had ever said to me clearly. I cannot go on for the time being. My edges need softening, my rage pacified and my soul needs peace. All love eventually, I believe, leads to pain after an ecstasy of experience.

Rest in knowing I have given you my all without leaving much for myself, but life needs sustaining, nourishing, building and rebuilding if all is to co-exist in balance. It is hard for me to write this, yet I recognise an immense need to release it out of my being, awareness and constant swirling of it all in my mind.

The land is wise. It knows what needs balancing and often we come to realisations through hardship, illness, losses or experiences that are confusing and painful. This time the land spat me out. Like a wild animal that did not want to be domesticated. I dreamt of walking away with ravens and black roses bleeding out of the tips of my fingers and winds howling. Like a horror movie with my heart in my mouth I felt like a curse was in place and it was about to exclude me out of its working finally, for my own benefit. Too much pain and too much love. The two old friends of mine. Intensity had become difficult to bear and I am tired. Misunderstanding, confusion has occurred in this relationship. I have come to understand the reasons behind what had happened and patterns I entangled myself in. I started experiencing loses, threats to my security, family, health, financial losses and my mental stability and peace began to suffer. Confusion, grief, sadness, intensity, apprehension and fear had all been present in me for far too long with my association that rooted in this relationship. It was a warning for my own good and on reflection I am grateful for that ‘rejection’ that really stemmed from mutual love and understanding.

For now I want to be released and something inside me has broken on this last trip, which feels completely necessary. I have also gained awareness of the outside perspective and how others had viewed the situation for many years, which I had been blind to. It is as if I gained a fresh sight and overview of what’s been happening. “Love, indeed, is blind” would be the right description here. I now crave something softer, gentler and kinder like one does coming out of a storm whether in nature or from an internal emotional one. I would like peace of a different kind where loud sharp spiritual messages come as soft whispers instead and where my body feels warm and intact rather than torn to pieces. Sometimes places call us for a reason and my work is nowhere near done, but huge lessons learnt from this deep relationship of unconditional love, destruction, transformation and personal growth. For now I am ‘kicked out’ and I am glad of it, as it is exactly what is needed.

 

 

Sacred parts of the WHOLE

intuitive readings

There are many sides to each and every one of you. Very often we get stuck in the earthly and conditioning so much that we had not been able to see or know who we truly are. That always comes from such messages as ‘you should be this… or this is not acceptable… or this is a good thing to do… are you sure you know what you are doing…’, imposed expectations and conditions from the external environment, family dynamics and ancestral roots. We grow up hearing, seeing and internalising those messages and voices of the external and with that what we truly are gets simply left behind, rejected or forgotten.

In my work I am primarily concerned with and interested in who a person connecting with me in sacred work is. Who is a person without the pain, without the burden of obligation or duty? Who are you? This is exciting and fundamental work for a personal transformation and a fulfilling life. Through intuitive work/intuitive reading you can discover and connect to your sacred parts of the whole. The work goes in cycles and with each cycle a person goes deeper into their layers and discovering more of themselves. This is transformational work I feel very passionate about.  As long as we don’t force to be one way or another, put ourselves in a box, trying to either be it all at once or just one as a dominant force, exactly like it has been done to us from the external before, through this work we can reach the depth of inner knowing that will propel us into life in a completely different way. True parts of you cannot be rushed or told what to do. They will come when they are most needed and what’s expected of us is to get to know each of them intimately and know when to call upon one energy/archetype or another. They are a team working together within your psyche and have your best interest at heart only if you give them full understanding, acceptance and unconditional regard and love. They want to be allowed to be and this is very important.

I will share with you examples from my own journey. There are several parts that I know well within me and have built or am building a relationship with. Seasons of the year, the wheel of the year and four seasons of the soul have played a huge part in my journey and you can connect a lot of it with what is going on in nature. My intuitive practice and spell casting are interlinked closely with working in nature. This is part of who I am, something I was born with that can never be lost.

The Nature Spirit – this is my biggest, all-inclusive part that includes The Inner Mother, The Goddess (a few of them depending on where we are in the wheel of the year), The Healer (working with plants predominantly), The Magician (solitary practitioner that seeks solitude and quiet to bring about a change), The Green man (a position masculine energy), The Five Elements, fairy folk, spirits of the woods and many more archetypes. It is the most alive and vibrant energy within me, something I feel I knew even before I was born and is inseparable from the core of who I am.

The Witch – this part is the most connected to underworld/unconscious/the Moon/darkness. It usually comes forth several times a year and the way I recognise it or know it comes into my body is through my hands. Magic energy starts pulsating and buzzing in my hands and goes into my fingers that I can feel it very clearly. What I do with that depends on what intuition tells me at the time and what is going on around me or within me at the time. It can be nothing, just being with it, or doing some creative spell casting (more on that in another post) or change an altar. I always follow my intuition as an Intuitive practitioner. My magic practice is also intuitive rather than ritualistic, mainstream or fixed. The Witch is unsuprisingly fond of autumn time and comes up close to Samhain, and my own birthday time.

Land Guardian – this part is the most connected to my soul, but different from a Nature spirit. This one is all about a deep sacred relationship with the land. It is an expression of the most beautiful love that I know. It is a source of my inspiration, my deepest emotions. This part of me reads various locations naturally, it picks up on land signatures and knows what needs to be healed or how we can be healed by relating to the land.

Wolf – this part is connected to the body. Leezil is a female wolf. It is wild and instinctual and a source of sexual energy. This one feels incredibly freeing and empowering when it is present and makes me feel invincible. It also has the most profound quality of honour and loyalty – my primary life values.

Intuitive self – this part of me is connected to Spirit. It receives messages from the Source for myself or others and it is the most knowing part of me that taught me a lot about living a fully intuitive life. Nowadays I don’t know any other way to live.

Inner child – this part is connected to freedom and joy. I have been working on this part for many years (my inner child was lost for what felt like an eternity and was not reachable for many years. It took a long time and effort to bring it back. I am still working on it discovering more with each inner work cycle. The most recent discovery earlier this year was that there are, in fact, two inner children within me.

These are just some parts and there are many more, of what I see as many parts of the whole and when I sit with a client, who had been ‘in a box’ for many years, it is always the most hopeful thing for them to hear that they are not just THAT, they are many beautiful manifestations of the Spirit. The journey of discovery of these lost parts of yourself that need to be called home and collected into one whole piece is the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed within myself and in working with other people. It is a true privilege to see someone arrive where they had always meant to be.

Work with me

Many blessings!

Image source/Credit to: https://blaqkdiamondgroup.com/green-diamond/issue1/

Forest bathing

spring forest

There’s a place in North Wales where forest is like no other. Gentle yet imposing, soothing yet dark. It never fails to stir the soul within me. Air so fresh it speaks of the deepest, most nourishing sturdiness and wisdom. It compares only to the most delightful embrace where I bury myself utterly in bliss. Forest bathing is by far my favourite spiritual experience where my body comes alive in completely in tune with my soul and I feel complete, at home.

One such experience earlier this spring reaffirmed my love for the forest yet again and spoke to me loudly of a place of belonging. As I walked deeper into pine kingdom covered in emerald moss I felt myself coming alive in every cell in me. Both my skin and soul screamed for exposure, immersion into what I can only describe as the light of spirit, ancient and completely perfect

Its welcoming voice whooshed through tree tops roaring me into its body and I became as one with it. Stripping layer after layer till bearing all I gently rested on its moist floor never wanting to be anywhere else ever again. Complete bliss enveloped my senses and pure peace entered my soul. I wanted to stay in that glorious house for eternity. Such feeling is rarely replicated in life. Like a mother the earth licked my exposed feet with soft caresses and I felt myself melting into the ground. It took a while to awake myself into the world again and sorrow of separation entered me as I left the forest.

forest bathing

 

Nature is the original source

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Land is a godly thing, it is of the sacred and the original. It is a being one, open one, the one that offers a choice of whether to transform or not and in no way based on doctrine, assigned attributes, it is free flowing, evolving and constant. What happens when you get touched by land? For me and others, I have heard, it is a realisation of how small we are in the grand scheme of things, which is the land and all life on it, amidst time and historical platform. “We are no different to a blade of grass,” someone said once and I felt it was beautiful put and I believe precisely that. We all come from one place, natural and evolving. There’s a beginning and an end with a purpose woven into the whole journey. What that purpose is often unknown, or, as I like to think, rather hidden from view. Some seek to know it, really know it through a journey of digging deeper into themselves and some simply live according to what they decide works for them or feels good. Both can be connected, but do not have to be. Others adopt laws and rules of a society, community, religious views amidst other things, by which they construct their lives. It is all valid I’d say as we are present on our journeys here on Earth with divinity intertwined into whatever manifestation we choose.

Nature is the original source and its magnificence in multi-presentations and intricacies of its ways of being and ancient knowledge can wake up and sustain our consciousness and bring us back to ourselves more than anything else can.

Image: original by Raw Nature Spirit