The energy of ‘new’ continues…

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I am loving this year of totally new and different, inwards and outward recovery, re-learning back to the original state, simplifying, clearing and emptying a space that is pure and light, zooming in on intention and conscious awareness more so that it feels even more natural, effortless.

This ‘new’ is so different this year with a vibration of solid knowing and that original signature that lays so firmly underneath all the layers within us all. When it came this year it was instantly recognisable and very welcomed. Things fall away with ease and transformation is quick and natural. As a space is created new things flow in. So far winter and spring for me have been redefined completely. Previous wounding seems to have crumbled into a glorious material of new building material.

‘Recovery’ this spring is a prominent theme on many levels. This recovery covers our identification with the societal, with the old way of doing things, what ‘we should be doing’ and not ‘what we would like to’. The message is to get back to the original, to our soul purpose. It also applies to a physical recovery inviting us to focus on our health and vitality. Emptying the mind and our surroundings of the ‘non-essential’ and leaving only what truly matter, which mostly transpires to be what we already have within and nothing from outside.

Every year in spring without a fail I get some mysterious physical disturbances and it hit me in the face the other day the meaning of what it is all about. It is needing to recover, but not only that, allow time to recover without judgement, wanting it to be gone instantly and never come back. This instant gratification culture and want for things, events and changes are so deeply rooted within the society that it has become a natural default, it seeped into every area of our life, yet it is not working. Layer after layer, behaviour after behaviour have been dropping off with clearer vision and awareness this spring and I have learnt to be humble with pain and love my physicality and fragility even more. It speaks of impermanence of things very loudly and the more we embrace the concept of things ending, life ending the more we will engage with life now. This is so simple yet so true and it is encouraging to see changes all around that call for a ‘new’ way of looking at life amidst all the insanity of the world.

As we approach summer this year, my next challenge, as it is the darkest time for me, I actually feel I am activating my Fire element again in a very different way this year. Fire element has always been my winter element, but this year I was luxuriating in Water all through winter and summer is calling my good Fire. The opposites are taking place. I feel focused, motivated, passionate, productive, purposeful and decisive, which are normally qualities of my winters. Things are riping into being, as I go about my days. I can feel the rise of manifesting energy, as small seedlings grow higher on my land. I am also so far less rejecting of the hot weather and finding such pleasure in early mornings and evenings, which are truly beautiful near and during summer. Nature wonderfully supports this new inner blooming every day as serves as a container of all the richness we carry within.

Signatures of comfort, space, freedom and purpose are all present this spring and as we going into summer I am excited to see what it brings. All I seem to being asked to do is create space, exhale and open up my heart more than ever before and the rest will follow.

 

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My visit to Cornwall

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Land’s End, Cornwall

In line with doing things differently this year instead of going to our well-loved and familiar place up North we headed down South. What a learning experience.

As soon as we drove into the land of Cornwall my immediate sense was of emptiness, but only on the surface. I sensed very clearly a lot of activity in the land, but deep underneath, all hidden. On the surface it was all plain, quiet, and almost barren the way that I experienced it. For days on end no matter where we went whether it was to the seaside or in-land the feeling of dullness and boredom never left me. I desperately craved something dramatic, colourful that would touch me, but nothing did. We went to an ancient castle, as no coincidence, I felt I needed instinctively to re-awaken my senses in one way or another. Ancient buildings and sights usually have a strong effect on me. It did, but ever so slight, which proved to lift my spirits and vibration temporarily, but it didn’t last. As we set off on the road driving around the land the feeling of flatness returned. I remained in quiet observation of the place and myself for days with no resistance to either seeking to learn from this experience. It was curious how devoid of emotions I remained, untouched by the land. Later it came to me what that immediate felt sense of the land signature has meant considering a mining history of the place. ‘The gold’ was under the ground and lots of activity is still going on deep below the surface. On top the land is clear of forests, colour and the coastline remains the main place to stir you up, if you love the sea.

I am not a lover of the sea and never had been. This is the only elemental realm I don’t perform magic and feel fairly uninspired. I do love the rocks, however, and I did manage to enjoy communing and sitting on the rocks on our last day when I did feel a touch of gladness.

I was very happy to be back home like never before. I walked in my lush green garden full of spring colours for hours till it got dark and the feeling of joy never left me. I went to bed feeling utterly content being in a place I felt I belonged, back in nature and countryside.

Looking back I learnt some useful information from our trip in terms of my relationship with my husband and I am glad I went down South on his suggestion and allowed myself to listen and observe his vibration when he is on the coast. He loves it and even though I didn’t share his joy I appreciated him enjoying that environment. We are very different and it made me rethink a few things going forward and what was essential to me and what wasn’t. Priceless experience overall.

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That is me sitting on the rock, St Ives, Cornwall

2018 signature and theme

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Signatures and themes for 2018 are starting to come in already and I have been unable to stop myself from implementing some changes that I am being told to make already. I thought I start putting some of what I am seeing, feeling and hearing down.

The main message is ‘Do something different next year’ whatever that is and however small, begin to change something. In 2018 the soil will be fertile to plant that seed of change in, which will continue from this year, which has been very abundant in the offering of the elements and harvests. Conditions will be beneficial for those changes to be lasting and long-term next year.

This message coincides with further expansion of consciousness amongst us and that ‘train’ towards a better way of doing things is still going and there is still time to jump on it. When I say ‘new’ in many things we will find that it is more going back to old ways than doing something that had never been done before. We will be wanting to go back to basics, to the ways that always contained wisdom, something that had been lost over decades and centuries. We will begin the process of remembering. We will be resurrecting that wisdom with adopting ‘new’ ways and returning to what feels good. We will be changing. It is not a backward movement but an alignment with the wisdom that had always run parallel to the life on earth yet been in darkness for some time. Due to various destructions that humans introduced to the planet and into their lives changes required will be obvious and that might help, but most importantly listen to your heart and observe your dreams.

What is the direction that you, in particular, is called to take? Some of the messages might be very individual and changes specific. There will be  synchronicities that you would realise started happening a while back and led you to where you are now and the next step needs to be that big change that is now meant to be a natural transition into alignment with that calling, which will benefit your, others and the world in a big way.

Happy changes! Do something different in 2018.

Blessings!

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Coming back to yourself – identity and spirit

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As a psychotherapist and a transpersonal approach practitioner the aim of my work with clients is to facilitate making ‘whole’ and help clients get back to themselves, get back ‘home’.

This time of year brings me closer to my roots, to my ancestors of birth and land. I begin communicating with and seeing them more clearly. My food changes according to how they had eaten and I occupy myself with activities, music, books that had been familiar to them. Most of those traditions are closely woven with nature cycles, seasons. My home and people carry nature in their blood. It is as natural to us as mother’s milk. All traditions and customs that we undertake every season is never questioned by anyone. They are observed in a way that flows very naturally between generations, genders and ages. There is this common knowing, understanding and love of nature. We are in a very close relationship with all things nature. Spirit, emotions, intellect and physical sensations can all be linked to our expression through a relationship with nature. There are references to it in literature, poetry, music and language is filled with a variety of descriptions of moods, changes and emotion-evocative experiences. Nature is a living breathing being for my ancestors and myself.

What happened to me five years ago was a shift, a push towards ‘home’, back to myself. I needed to get back to my roots from which I also needed to cut off for some time in order to survive and fit in. I had to start a process of remembering, re-integration, re-igniting of my knowledge, resonance and love of what roots and home meant for me. This journey also connected me to the land that I currently live on and through finding striking similarities in the landscape and the emotions that it evoked in me, that remembering of ‘home’ journey became very rich and fulfilling. The process happened with nature spirit flowing through me at all times. I connected to my roots through learning and remembering about trees, weather patterns, the elements, magic, plants, my love for certain things in nature and remembering and connecting who I was then and who I am now in terms of what spirit lives within me.

I am writing this after watching a wonderful presentation on ‘Identity and spirituality’ as part of my CPD and it reminded me of my own process of connecting with my roots and establishing a solid knowing and understanding who I am now through who I was then and the process of becoming and evolving. It is the process of finding what is at the centre of my being.

In my practice I feel passionate about working with both issues, identity and spirituality, and both are closely linked in making ‘whole’.

It opens up discussion about your beliefs on whether we are spiritual beings having an experience on Earth or are we human beings with a spiritual nature. It might mean the same to some, to others there are clear differences. It would depend on your own personal experiences regarding spirit and beliefs about life on earth and afterlife. To me, spirit is an integral part of who we are along with our other aspects or functions, cognitive, emotional, physical and all operate together and ideally harmoniously. However, where there is a lack of presence or distorting in operation in one or more of these functions then a ‘whole’ is disturbed. For example, a person struggles to express their emotions or their thoughts are distorted or they manifest their difficulties rooted in the mind or heart through the body or their spirit is asleep or remains unreachable or unknown. In my work as a transpersonal therapist I aim to bring a person into balance, and to get all functions/aspects operating together and in harmony.

The Land of dreaming

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Upland spring by Loch Etchachan, Cairngorm National Park, Grampian Area. ©Lorne Gill/SNH

Am I asleep or am I dreaming? What is this feeling of all consuming something my heart struggles to hold yet wants so deeply? I am overjoyed yet bereft at the same time. I cry and laugh all in one moment of sheer madness when I lay my hands on the land. My feet touch the green softness moist with the promise of morning dew. I live, I die, I am in haven yet in pain.

My love affair with the land began a few years ago when I first experienced this strange merging with something. I came upon a place that had a certain smell, vibration where I felt I died and gone to heaven, where my body struggled to adjust to all that air, space and majestic wilderness. Did it touch upon my own sleepy wild heart? It made me cry mad words into the air and at others surrounding me. It made no sense to myself or anyone else yet I couldn’t stop screaming, crying and falling breathless on the grass of the earth seemingly sacred to my soul. It felt like reawakening of love of some kind, familiar yet new, scary yet exciting. Ever since the first step upon the land this dance of confusion carried on summer after summer.

Ambivalent, powerful pull like a voice that screams terrible words one minute and sings a soft lullaby the next. I hear it always yet the message is unclear. Come, go, stay, leave, dance, sit, scream, be quiet. Whatever it all means I find the unfolding of this relationship fascinating.

I am still searching for a settlement. It is alive in my mind, but reality is quite scary. Whenever I am in the land of my dreaming I feel hugely overwhelmed, bitter-sweet, can’t breathe it is too much air type of situation, total intoxication, grief at the thought of separation, yet a relief somewhat when away, but not for long, as the yearning of the heart returns just as strong to merge with it again and it continues like this year after year. I find myself quite confused about it all by now…

Druid’s way

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Druidry is not something in isolation of the whole universal way of being. It is not a prescribed religion with rules and texts, it is a free-flowing way of being in touch with yourself and the world carried in every day through engagement with awen inspiration. It is a spiritual practice, every day engagement with this world and everything in it. It is walking the earth in a way beneficial to the whole and the truth of nature.

These words summarise Druid’s way of living for me:

Honour, truth, integrity, listening and seeing, creativity, inspiration, healing, guiding, nature’s cycles, light and dark, seasons, stories, songs, rituals, everyday engagement, connection, involvement, wonder, enchantment, walking the land, magic in everything, leading, being with darkness, humanity, humility, authenticity, delight, spirit, community, joy, trees, nature deities, celebration, shamanic, otherworldly, sacred groves, ancestors, philosophy, seer, peaceful, humble, being with, voice, simple living, barefoot walking, tree talking, making a difference, understanding, seeing others, looking within, animist, standing stones, energy work, embodying, divine within and without, earthly living, participation, grounding

Having experienced some inner storms this week I looked within for what was needed and once I picked up a book on Druidry I settled into a space of peace and comfort. Another’s words on pages spoke to a part of me that is peaceful, content and in touch with meaning. I felt myself relax and calmed into a way of seeing things for what they are with speaking my truth at the heart of it. I find often I need to continue reading the words of the wise to stay connected with the part of myself that knows, feels and understands the ways of Awen, the inspiration of life with all its joys and struggles. I fall down and rise up again every time even though it always feels impossible, but it comes about just like a rain stops and sunshine graces the land once again.

Last night I was pulled into the stunning rainy landscape. I kicked my shoes off and stepped onto wet grass soft and glorious. Walking the earth connects me to the very essence of myself and to the centre of the whole. It feels containing as if the land is there to listen, understand and be with me. I feel all tension seep through my toes into the earth and on the in-breath I bring a renewed, fresh energy up into my body again. Roses in this garden smell incredible. It reminds me of home, my mother, the land of my birth and for a moment I am lost in a space of spirit so present my heart begins to ache with joy once again.

I am continuing to learn and make a practice for myself that serves the purpose of for myself and the whole. A practice that is authentic and in connection with everything that has meaning to me. I feel grateful once again for being shown a way as my chest relaxes in an outer breath and releasing all tension.

 

I love it so much it hurts

I love it so much it hurts. The land welcomes me this time with open arms and I feel nothing but warmth and nurture. I feel at home and I instantly recognise that familiar smell of the land, which I know well. It is raining and I am in my element of gentle water standing on a lake shore watching gentle giants mountains hugging the shore. I touch the water, it is clear and crispy cold and through my body pure joy spreads. It is a dance of recognition, which I feel a lot stronger this time round. While my husband looks nostalgic for hot weather and home, I am home. I tell him that most of my happiest memories took place either in rain or snow and I acknowledge that link and it makes sense.

Isle of Mull – lush and green with landscape showing off its mountains, valleys, lochs, forests and sea. It is such a mixture of the elements that makes it so rich. It is incredibly peaceful here like nowhere else I had felt in Scotland so far; well, perhaps, only the first time in Perthshire where my love for the land first stuck me. We are staying in the middle of nowhere and it feels so safe to me here. It feels like no one and nothing would find me here and if I was to stay I would be happy for the rest of my days. My heart begins to ache along with joy I cry inside for wanting to merge with the land forever. It hurts in my chest and with each breath I can’t seem to get enough. That feeling of safety is a new one, as previously while in Scotland I have always felt conflicted and often anxious, even scared. Not this time. Here I have come into myself somehow and the land here is so gentle in comparison with Northern Highlands or the Isle of Skye, e.g. Those places activated my shadow material and threw me into an emotional turmoil amidst some deeply spiritual experiences. The land there is fierce, wild, unforgiving and untouchable in its stunning beauty. It is majestic and independent. Here I am held, firmly and I can hear the land speaking to me. It is gentle and soothing. Vibration is of softness and it touches on places within me much lighter and happier. This reflects in our relational dynamics between the boys and me. Our trip was very different this time round like we all tapped into a gentler way of being with one another, there is less conflict and more recognition and acknowledgment of needs all around.

Standing in the garden I witness deer coming in closer grazing on lush green vegetation surrounding the house. It is a beautiful sight and they stop and stare at me in silent pause. God it is so peaceful here! Even deer is different here compared to imposing huge stags of the Highlands. These deer are gentler and smaller and devoid of antler crowns. My response to them is also strikingly different, less of knee shaking awe and worship-like way of witnessing them, it is quieter, softer and more ‘homely’ somewhat. As I lie in bed looking out of the window with views to die for I feel my heart beating with such love. It is intense and aching, as I already know how hard it will be leaving this land in a few days.