Answering the ‘call’

 

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Isle of Mull, Scotland 2017

I heard the call back in 2013 when stepping upon the earth of the soul land my heart exploded. I was tossed and turned inside out with internal screaming bursting into tears of joy and confusion. I was stuck by sheer magic and meaning of what it was like to belong to a place I never knew existed.

It took me a few years to work out what happened back then when I first visited Scotland and every year since then I couldn’t bare be parted from it. It hasn’t been easy going back and stepping into the land that knew my soul so well again and again and having to leave it behind every time with a feeling of deep grief within.

I am still in that place of neither here nor there, desperately wanting to go and needing to stay, having to live the life I have here, which is glorious in many ways. I am content yet yearning never leaves me for the place that stole my utter being and grabbed hold of me so tightly.

With each passing year the pull of the land hasn’t stopped, in fact, it has intensified with each summer when I would make the same journey and every winter when my heart would pine for it. I fought against it and even tried to convince myself it wasn’t real or happening just to test yet the answer was always the same. It is in my bones so deep I can’t be separated from it physically or spiritually.

I lived there before a long time ago and died a gruesome death with my blood spilling directly on the earth and penetrating its cells. I was of the land like a native animal that recognised smells, sounds and colours of every season the land had dressed itself in. I am still of that land, I am still that animal. I can taste it and its distinctive smell never leaves my senses. It is a particular sensation instantly recognisable by me. I can reach it at any moment yet physical separation remains too much to bear.

I live with my heart open and always listen carefully and intentionally to what the next step might be…

 

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Getting lost in a forest

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Getting lost in a forest evokes fear that is tangible and real, but it also brings a sense of freedom, potential for adventure and exploration. It brings in hope into being that the right path will be found sooner or later. We all need to get lost sometimes and to find ourselves again.

Today was such a day when I got lost in a forest for the very first time. I couldn’t help but wonder whether that was exactly what was needed. Experience mimicked my state at the time precisely when I felt a bit lost within and struggled to obtain guidance with my inner compass in a bit of a shutdown mode. I don’t think my navigation wanted to work in that moment, come to think of it. It stayed shut down on purpose to let me get lost in order to find something.

Trees all around me spoke of potential today as I entered this particular grove. It called me this morning and without hesitation I went, as I always do. I stood amongst trees delighting in the fresh air and bird song overheard. I felt that love, connection and peace that nature brings and solitude that is so sweet to my soul. I walked off the path, like always do and it was when I had to make a ‘crossing’ that I realised I was getting lost yet that particular road I had to cross. I walked intuitively and intentionally away from places where people could be. I needed to feel through a place, its colours and textures. I needed to hear mud under my feet and feel moisture of tree bark against my face. Most of all I needed to be alone to hear my own heart beating and feelings surfacing as natural as water coming to shore and retreating back into the ocean again. I needed to walk in rhythm with my own breathing, undisturbed and aware. Never before had I got lost, but today I did, however it sprung a door open within me, the awareness of fear, doubt, worry and all those emotions that take us away from ourselves yet connect us to ourselves and inner resources at the same time.

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It was all good, all useful to feel and experience. As I spoke to myself trying to find a way back I carried the inner knowing that all would be good at the end. I had my own back, I was with myself and that was enough. It was good enough, I was good enough. Trust, faith and understanding of what something means or trying to tell us is awareness. It is all in connection all of the time. That road, trees, my feet, body, voice and emotions worked as one, inseparable, in one motion of being on one afternoon. Collaboratively it all leads to something, which is neither good nor bad, but rather both and it is all ok.

Invigorated by the experience I settled into my car with a spark in my heart and I felt complete and grateful. I felt looked after by myself and by the forest around me. A feeling of potential spread all through my body and I inhaled deeply the feeling of spring coming. New hope, growth and planting the seed of what’s to come.

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Transpersonal Integrative psychotherapist and Intuitive witch

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What are the similarities between two parts within me, which are at play simultaneously. These two occupations, let’s call it that, have a lot more in common than one might think. I have experienced again and again the alignment between the two and it makes complete sense and feels whole.

At the centre of my work is intuition. It is my guiding, navigational, feeling system that allows me to relate and understand the other on a deeper level. Energies go through me and reflect back to whoever is sitting with me whatever I might be working with and it is that ‘going through me’ technique allows me to know what the other might need and benefit from.

Intuition is also used in ‘magical’ workings and 90% of my magic/spiritual work is intuitive, always has been from the very beginning as I stepped on the nature-based spiritual path. It is an exciting journey and I never once doubted what I do or did was somewhat ‘incorrect’, if I can call it that. There is not often right or wrong there is only better or poorer adjustments of what’s available. Some work can be intense and alignment is stronger and in other cases it is less so and effects are subtler. Intuition is something to be trusted and be open to and I am completely and utterly in its power knowing it will lead me where I need to go. It offers a well of possibilities of your own self-knowledge. All the treasure is already within us and one way to access that treasure is through intuition and listening to your inner voice of wisdom.

As an Integrative transpersonal psychotherapist I use myself and my intuition to decide and most of the time know what’s needed, when, how and for who. I pick techniques, approaches and a line to follow from my collection of tools, knowledge and experience through listening to the other’s story and working cognitively, emotionally, spiritually, using my body and being aware of the energy. I use my whole self to inform me of a direction and certain needs of a client. It is deeply relational, on a soul level, one might say, when myself and the other operate as one, as two humans on a journey of discovery. I work as a guide, support system, safe space and a container for the other while they go through a process of transformation. There is no judgement and we embrace an open heart, unconditional love and acceptance.

Magic is involved in psychotherapeutic work. There are often moments of connection and insight in a therapy room, which feel truly magical. Many of my colleagues would agree. It is the same in my work with the elements and nature, talking to trees, creating rituals and spells, working with deities. Magic in both contexts mean moments of divine connection when forces align and energies peak/flow in a certain way  that manifestation/transformation is possible. Results occur as a consequence of a way of working that is deeply spiritual and earthly at the same time. It is rooted in love and relating through the heart.

I am truly appreciative of how parts of myself align into one purpose whether I am being a therapist or a nature adventurer, ritual creator or a spiritual guide. It feels incredibly rich and immensely fulfilling. I can find magic all around me and I look forward to continuing my work with intuition as my guiding force and constant companion.

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Intuition and writing 

Intuition is invaluable when partaking in writing. Something I am becoming aware more and more as I write more. It often feels similar to magic when you simply know what tools to use, how and when and results just come together. It is the same with words, which come when one is tuned into emotions in the moment. It works when there is no overthinking and spontaneous leaps are taken in narratives. For sure you edit and edit and more edit as you progress but that initial expression is often the most powerful, in my experience. Some words seem to come from nowhere and that is so exciting to me when writing. The same applies to scenes and characters.

Just like I would intuitively know what oil to use with what candle and what Goddess/God/deity would support my work, I sometimes hear words coming out of me which happen to be just right for what I am writing about.

My tip is not to think, but to feel and listen and free write. I also recommend free associations as often as possible with images, nature scenes, trees, seasons, just allow for whatever is called for to come through. I think it stimulates and trains your imagination. It feels like magic and your intuition is your magic, your inner knowing that offers what is needed when it is needed.

Altar work and Water element ritual

I tapped into my intuition this morning, which produced a gift of awareness of what was needed for me today and over the last few weeks. I have become aware of the need to acknowledge Water element in me. I realised I have been trying to get going engaging my Fire, yet this year my alignment with the season is different and it feels more Water than Fire for the first time in years.

Intuitive ritual set-up:

  • I was drawn to two ‘vessels’, which I reached out for, filled them up with water and placed them both on my altar.
  • I switched my red candles for blue ones
  • I put a feminine/Water element essential oil of Ylang Ylang in my oil burner and also in both cups
  • I put my favourite blue crystal as well as sacred stone back on my altar.

I can say the feeling within me and in the room instantly changed. It felt more flowing, but also grounded. This is why I really love my altar, it is such an evolving, shifting space, which offers an opportunity to tap into what is needed and represent it visually and physically, which then directly affects everything around. It is creative and intuitive and incredibly supportive and holding. Altar work is an integral part of my spiritual practice and I find the work powerful. My altar is a living being travelling through seasons and actions and emotions they evoke in me. Through reflecting my feeling and mental states back to me it serves as a therapist or a mother, whose messages like a mirror reflected back get internalised by my being and shifts occur. I get to see myself through my altar. 

My intuition didn’t stop there and as soon as I acknowledged my struggle with this month (POST HERE), insights began to flow. I am now called to travel to my Nemeton towards a stream running through it and make an offering to the Goddess, to Water element. I am yet to find out what offering I am going to make, but being told to leave it till I am in the woods. It will come then.

Purification process 2016 

Purification and cleansing is the signature of this year. It has been a difficult process like layers being stripped off, removed with swift movements and often without much break in between. It really is time, universe means business, I feel, and yes, it feels abrupt, unapologetic, but necessary. It is also a strange place to be and reconcile with one hit after another of intense emotional states and up and down moods. I hold the faith in nature knowing it is what it is meant to be.

So far intuitive information has pointed towards sorting out and saying good-bye to bad habits once and for all, as it appears that whatever had accumulated over the years in our environment, that would include physical and emotional bodies, no longer fits with the purpose of today. There’s energy of rejection from the body and also the spirit and a message to move up a level in health and consciousness. There’s almost no choice, one has to get on board with what is happening. There’s a need to become lighter and with the vibration of more simplicity and less density comes a more vibrant wise presence on earth. What we really need to do is get out of the way and surrender to the wisdom of our bodies and intuitive knowing.

Blessed cleansing!

Intuitive blogging/writing

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This practice unfolded for me over the years revealing such gems from within my unconscious, which very often would align with what is needed generally in the world at any given moment. What a gift our intuition truly is. It takes us places wonderful and magic, which then lead to more magical experiences and connections. Nowadays there is no other way for me to write, but from the soul, spontaneously uttering words, which are ready to be spoken.

I also always find later on at some point, someone comes along, who clearly needs to hear that message I blogged about at one point or another and I can go to that piece and share it with the person in need passing on my experience whether it is an exercise, spell or some psychological healing technique or exploration. It can also be images. Most people seeing beautiful images of nature and landscapes immensely. I have many natural ones unfolding through each season. Combined with intuitive writing pieces it is a feast for the eyes, ears and heart.

It feels wonderfully embracing to be able to express myself, most of the time spontaneously, as these things come up in me at random moments. Sometimes it is one blog a month, other times it is up to five blogs a day. I go with whatever is presenting itself, as I consider it important to express whatever knocks on the door of my awareness and present moment consciousness. This practice can be applied to journal writing, novel or story writing, notes writing and magic spells anything that appeals to you or calls upon you in the moment. Intuitive Spell Working e-guide 

Intuitive blogging is one of the most natural ways to tune into the energy of your surroundings and an opportunity to release something ready and ripe from your unconscious, which through writing becomes conscious. It is as if you are digging the Earth and suddenly you come across a small shoot of a plant, which needs water to grow. That’s the moment you sit down and ‘pour’ your expressive juice upon that seed seeking light and when it is finished very often there is a flow, there is clarity, there is purpose, most of all purpose, to the piece you have created. Whatever you write about is never lost, it is stored in the container of that expression in a moment, which is within the universal consciousness. Someone somewhere will need and find it one day and if nothing else you would have spent a few minutes beautifully answering your soul’s calling through writing.