Last night’s vision

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Black creatures flew over the loch at dusk that planted me in watchful anticipation. They had bodies of herons, bat wings and a sense of ravens about them. They swirled beautifully over the water with their sharp-edged wings, circling in perfect harmony and then settled along the shore edge. The sky shone pink and grey and water sparked in approaching darkness. I held my breath waiting for something else to come out of this picturesque scenario. Out of a flock of this bird-like creatures a leader seemed to appear and as it unfolded its elegant, perfectly structured wings it grew in size and I sensed its leadership. It did not feel malevolent or threatening although there was a sense of caution in what was about to come. The creature’s movements were gentle and carefully placed. It was in no rush to reveal its message to me. I felt I had to really listen, but noticed resistance in my body straight away. What part of me was going to defy this creature’s message? Was I crazy? I watched in awe. I could clearly see bright light seeping from under its black feathery cloak. It was well protected and hidden and there was more darkness than light. I felt a stab of sadness remaining mesmerised by this creature’s beauty. It spoke:

“This is not the place for you, not yet, not now. Go towards the light, not darkness and embrace all that your life has to offer. This is not the place, as it drags you into the land’s wounds and you lose yourself. It is not what is meant for you, not at this point. Draw the light from within and move towards it. We are the guardians of the lake and there is darkness that is familiar to us, but it is not for you to dwel in, not yet. See your own light and take the cloak of what sorrows you off your shoulders. Do not come, do not wait, you are not one of us, not yet, may be not ever.”

I suddenly became aware of the amount of light within myself and a huge part just dying to throw itself forward in its rejection. It made sense yet it didn’t. Sadness entered me once more.

The queen bird took her slender body off the shore and into a graceful flight with her flock following in perfect formation over the lake. I didn’t feel relief. I stood bereft watching them fly away still not quite in possession of the insight, resisting it with all I have. This is going to be a continuous struggle and part of me wants it that way. Sad, hopeless, in chains…

Sacred parts of the WHOLE

intuitive readings

There are many sides to each and every one of you. Very often we get stuck in the earthly and conditioning so much that we had not been able to see or know who we truly are. That always comes from such messages as ‘you should be this… or this is not acceptable… or this is a good thing to do… are you sure you know what you are doing…’, imposed expectations and conditions from the external environment, family dynamics and ancestral roots. We grow up hearing, seeing and internalising those messages and voices of the external and with that what we truly are gets simply left behind, rejected or forgotten.

In my work I am primarily concerned with and interested in who a person connecting with me in sacred work is. Who is a person without the pain, without the burden of obligation or duty? Who are you? This is exciting and fundamental work for a personal transformation and a fulfilling life. Through intuitive work/intuitive reading you can discover and connect to your sacred parts of the whole. The work goes in cycles and with each cycle a person goes deeper into their layers and discovering more of themselves. This is transformational work I feel very passionate about.  As long as we don’t force to be one way or another, put ourselves in a box, trying to either be it all at once or just one as a dominant force, exactly like it has been done to us from the external before, through this work we can reach the depth of inner knowing that will propel us into life in a completely different way. True parts of you cannot be rushed or told what to do. They will come when they are most needed and what’s expected of us is to get to know each of them intimately and know when to call upon one energy/archetype or another. They are a team working together within your psyche and have your best interest at heart only if you give them full understanding, acceptance and unconditional regard and love. They want to be allowed to be and this is very important.

I will share with you examples from my own journey. There are several parts that I know well within me and have built or am building a relationship with. Seasons of the year, the wheel of the year and four seasons of the soul have played a huge part in my journey and you can connect a lot of it with what is going on in nature. My intuitive practice and spell casting are interlinked closely with working in nature. This is part of who I am, something I was born with that can never be lost.

The Nature Spirit – this is my biggest, all-inclusive part that includes The Inner Mother, The Goddess (a few of them depending on where we are in the wheel of the year), The Healer (working with plants predominantly), The Magician (solitary practitioner that seeks solitude and quiet to bring about a change), The Green man (a position masculine energy), The Five Elements, fairy folk, spirits of the woods and many more archetypes. It is the most alive and vibrant energy within me, something I feel I knew even before I was born and is inseparable from the core of who I am.

The Witch – this part is the most connected to underworld/unconscious/the Moon/darkness. It usually comes forth several times a year and the way I recognise it or know it comes into my body is through my hands. Magic energy starts pulsating and buzzing in my hands and goes into my fingers that I can feel it very clearly. What I do with that depends on what intuition tells me at the time and what is going on around me or within me at the time. It can be nothing, just being with it, or doing some creative spell casting (more on that in another post) or change an altar. I always follow my intuition as an Intuitive practitioner. My magic practice is also intuitive rather than ritualistic, mainstream or fixed. The Witch is unsuprisingly fond of autumn time and comes up close to Samhain, and my own birthday time.

Land Guardian – this part is the most connected to my soul, but different from a Nature spirit. This one is all about a deep sacred relationship with the land. It is an expression of the most beautiful love that I know. It is a source of my inspiration, my deepest emotions. This part of me reads various locations naturally, it picks up on land signatures and knows what needs to be healed or how we can be healed by relating to the land.

Wolf – this part is connected to the body. Leezil is a female wolf. It is wild and instinctual and a source of sexual energy. This one feels incredibly freeing and empowering when it is present and makes me feel invincible. It also has the most profound quality of honour and loyalty – my primary life values.

Intuitive self – this part of me is connected to Spirit. It receives messages from the Source for myself or others and it is the most knowing part of me that taught me a lot about living a fully intuitive life. Nowadays I don’t know any other way to live.

Inner child – this part is connected to freedom and joy. I have been working on this part for many years (my inner child was lost for what felt like an eternity and was not reachable for many years. It took a long time and effort to bring it back. I am still working on it discovering more with each inner work cycle. The most recent discovery earlier this year was that there are, in fact, two inner children within me.

These are just some parts and there are many more, of what I see as many parts of the whole and when I sit with a client, who had been ‘in a box’ for many years, it is always the most hopeful thing for them to hear that they are not just THAT, they are many beautiful manifestations of the Spirit. The journey of discovery of these lost parts of yourself that need to be called home and collected into one whole piece is the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed within myself and in working with other people. It is a true privilege to see someone arrive where they had always meant to be.

Work with me

Many blessings!

Image source/Credit to: https://blaqkdiamondgroup.com/green-diamond/issue1/

Lessons in challenges 2019

Now is a very futile time for psychic material to align with the universal wisdom. This year has been challenging, but what is beginning to transpire that this time round challenges are dressed as opportunities. More than that these opportunities present themselves as a deeper way of working with what we need and want in order to shift and move forward towards thriving. The goal now is to change how things are done on a more meaningful, conscious and intentional level.

You might have been experiencing creation of space or an ‘emptying out’ effect. This is true for me. Emptying in a way that might look like ‘lack’, but actually it is clearing the ground for us as an opportunity to create completely anew. It is challenging us to see whether we fall into our old patterns of thinking through our core believes, defaulting, or going towards needs and wants with clear intentions instead. To notice is the key here.

When you observe your reality right now, what do you notice? Do you feel a certain shift in energy and things around you lately? How does it feel to you? What do you think this shift is asking of you? Remember that whatever happens in the universe at large it always has your best interest at heart. It wants you to grown, thrive and be your best creative self. It wants you to manifest, so it is a positive even though it might feel as negative.

If it does feel bad to you ask yourself what your instant reaction is? Do you see yourself resorting to old ways of trying to bring back what you think you are losing. Any shifts, chellenges or changes are designed to trigger you, but if you are aware of what is being triggered and why (doesn’t matter what triggers you), then you can catch it and resist an automatic reaction that you had always used. Instead stop and be with what is happening.

For example you might experience a decrease in sales in your business or a number of your regular clients dropped to a minimum. One reaction could be fear and panic, which is being triggered and we automaticallly beginning to think of things in a way of ‘surviving’ and then making choices based on what we think will stop us feeling that way. Natural, but there’s another way. Notice how your intentions in such cases come from ‘lack’ rather than what can be possible or in other words, abundance. Another response could be to say it is ok to be where you are. Pause, reflect on whether what you have been doing had been fulfilling to your true heart’s desire. You might be surprised. And if the answer is no, exactly that empty space is offering you an opportunity to create anew and move into your next stage of consciousness with your true needs and wants in check. It is not something you are doing or not doing, none of it relates to your abilities and gifts it is all about applying default, historical patterns of thinking to one situation after another. Time to change the method itself.

It is this month in particular that is so opportune for old stuff ‘exploding’ in our faces, it is a build up of energy (Solstice in nature) that is not often pleasant for everyone. Cycles begin to go back to zero, resetting time, which is an opportunity to create again consciously and with a clear intention. It comes as a tough test to see if we fill this space with stuff that’s coming from fear, position of ‘whatever it takes to feel safe, doesn’t matter what and how’ or will we allow for things to come to us via intuition and awareness, therefore, manifesting what we truly need and want.

Emptiness triggers fear and pulls us back into ‘unsafe’, ‘not enough’, into a survival mode, but what if we looked at emptiness as an opening for creation, a blank canvas where anything is possible.

In waiting…

Feel unrooted, between places, between worlds. A sense of keen belonging is yet to land, for now I feel suspended in anticipation. Can’t say I like it.

Uncertainty, expectation, increased longing for what I don’t know yet. Feeling without a home is not a pleasant one. I have one yet out there there’s another one that sticks itself into my skin like a thorn every year. I am faced with a choice, on one hand wanting to abandon my current position but yet to attach to another. I feel ungrounded and in that space I do lose myself a little. Restlessness within is not a smooth flow but rather jagged projection on to everything and everyone. There is also an element of not being in control and that’s unsettling too. Waiting is another vibration that can present challenges. Waiting for what? Knowing I am waiting for something but what I don’t know and in that waiting I detach from one but yet to attach to that unknown and will I want to? Like losing ground from under my feet without knowing if whatever it is I am waiting for would catch up. Patience in that state becomes difficult and impatience sats in, which again manifests in rough outbursts of emotions and cold energy projection. It can be a dark place to be even amidst the sunshine, it is also lonely as difficult to convey the feeling that goes with it. I find myself wishing the sun away and wanting rain but it doesn’t feel rational or logical or even intuitively right. Confusing, searching, lost…

I recognise that every year this occurs as I prepare to leave my home in search of a home yet to be.

Unbecoming 11/11

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Today I did something revolutionary in the name of freedom and what that means to me. I turned out a shiny, attractive job proposition, which on the surface looked like it was presented to me on a golden platter with all the right words, smiles and figures, but it lacked something. I sensed the falsity of it all, it lacked depth, soul, I might say. I could see beyond the masks of those sitting opposite me seemingly smiling yet the vibrations of impatience, irritation, hypocrisy slapped me in the face as I questioned them on each point they tried to sell me. Perhaps, none of that was intended and they were simply doing what they always do but I was different. I just didn’t buy it, I didn’t get seduced even though it tapped into my success signature, which is the happiest place for me.

Today I said no to a new shiny ‘prison’ disguised as a bright promise of riches and opportunities. It felt as if I was tempted into a golden cage, but my body felt twisted and tight every time I imagined being in that cage. The knot in my stomach and a heavy weight on my chest brought a sick feeling into me and restricted my breathing. I felt fear, panic, anxiety like before something deeply unpleasant was about to happen. I fought against it and as I stripped myself off yet another old layer I chose freedom. And as I said no to it I came into peace and a relief beyond belief. What other sign does one need? ‘Never go against the feeling’ – my father said to me today to my surprise. It was wonderful to hear him say that, which also meant we aligned on a much deeper level and what a blessing. ‘Never go against the feeling” is something I have always believed and knew within but not often said out loud as I walked through a life full of multiple cages. Now I can safely say the only way to know is to trust the feeling/ intuition and going against it equals going against the knowing of the soul.

I feel like I am unbecoming and remaining empowered on the inside. I also feel like I’ve passed the test of false and somewhat ugly temptation wrapped up in gold.

Only when you say no the real truth is often revealed. Something shifts and exposes from inside out, there’s a release and all the masks fall off. I want my life to be my life. I don’t want to sacrifice my soul in the process of reaching my dreams and dreams I shall realise one steady step at a time.

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Yule Readings 

  

I am offering readings for a short period of time just before Yule, in time to hear what’s coming through and what needs to meet with the light ahead. 

Customised and personalised to your questions at the end of this difficult year. Big changes coming and shifts are about to take place. 

I will use a mixture of tools, creative techniques and most of all my intuition to bring messages to you from the source and your higher self.

Message me! 

~ Raw Pagan