Soul Land review

From a Druid, writer and poet, Nimue Brown, the author of many wonderful books on nature-based spirituality, comes a review of my poetry collection. I am so pleased she enjoyed it.

I love how she framed them as Bardic songs, letters. So interesting, which makes it even more significant for me.

https://druidlife.wordpress.com/2020/07/19/soul-land-a-review/

ORDER a signed copy from the author

The wise one

What if I took a breath and I was there

With eyes closed transported into the heart of you

Green, solid, luxurious

You talk to me through the veins of my heart

Within the blue of my throat lies the truth of my devotion

Do you feel it?

In every second of my life dance I step into your cauldron of wisdom

Teach me more

I am open to multitude of your lessons seeping like nectar into all corners of my being

To be, to rest, to love and surrender

I want to keep on knowing the treasure that is you

Who would I be?

What would it feel like if I had you? Who would I be amidst your wild beauty?

A beast brave and strong

A delicate flower smelling like heaven

Or myself, just as I was born into the skin of this earth

How would we be together?

Standing close face to face or look upon each other from a distance seeing the brightest stars reflected in one another

In winter’s harshness would I revel in your majesty as much as in the greenness of your summers

Will I pray for the blessing that is you, that is the mighty spirit, the mother and father of my soul that had craved your embrace for all eternity?

Whatever way we might be together it will be glory and authentic knowing that the heart within my chest beats the same beat as your humming earthly core

Eternal love

I knew a love once that if my heart was to burst it would give birth to a million stars

I knew a love once that if a touch was to happen a merging of the two would explode into a scene of stunning beauty

I knew a love once that the warmth and tenderness of the offering would forever shelter all broken hearts and loneliness would not exist

The unconditional holding would melt into a moulding of a beauty unspeakable

I knew a love once that tears would flow with ecstasy through every cell of my body and shake one into a glorious being

I knew a love once that forever will visit my land of dreaming reminding me it lives on, it cries on and the embrace of it promises eternal comfort and joy

Throughout the years I have had dreams of profound love that can only be described as sacred and pure in its essence. The dreams would point towards the love living within me that can never be broken, taken away or forgotten. Those dreams wake me up in tears, calm and soothing, joyful and yearning, sad and glorious. As in my dreams I get close to the object representing that love, a side of myself, there is fear and deep knowing that should I touch it and inhale its smell the drowning in love would spread beyond everything I have ever known, beyond this world.

Often these dreams had come in times of emotional trouble as if a reassurance that there’s a force within beyond my comprehension. I struggle to describe the power of it. It is good to know that more frequently it comes when things are settled as if to offer me that sacred touch, the next level of getting closer to it and it confirms it is closer than I think. It is within an extension of my arm, a slight movement of my hand yet the potential of ecstasy is undeniably exciting, terrifying and utterly consuming that I lose my breath every time I make that move towards the inner divinity that shows itself to me in my dreams.

Last night I had the dream. As nature speaks of the union of masculine and feminine from May onwards so does my psyche joins in balance and works towards a culmination of potential flourishing and the re-birth. As the Sun rises to its peak in the next few weeks so do we remain in grateful watching of unfolding the forces within ourselves

The winter of love

heart chakra

The next couple of posts are significant in recording my journey towards ‘home’, myself and wholeness this year. It was crystal clear towards the end of 2017 that 2018 was to be the year of doing things completely differently, stepping out of life as we know it, as we created it, looking outside the box and leaving your comfort zone. It makes me realise now how important it is to align with the yearly signatures, as when in the same flow and not resisting, avoiding or going against, it aids our progression. Often all that is needed is readiness to listen, to change and embrace all the qualities within us as facilitators on our journey. As Alfred Adler said that it is not about surrendering to your safety zone supported by safe guiding behaviours, i.e. not believing that you can change and keeping yourself blocked indefinitely using the same ways of being over and over, “withdrawing from the challenge of life”. It is about facing life head on, adopting a more courageous approach. We are capable of courageous behaviour provided we are willing to engage in it. This resonates with the process of psychotherapy, which is a journey one undertakes towards adopting and cultivating a more courageous, engaging approach to life, working towards changes that are needed for a more fulfilling life. Over and over I have witnessed clients stepping courageously into areas of great difficulty and facing life head on. It makes my job a very rewarding and humbling experience to bear witness to human resilience and strength of spirit.

So, 2018 is such year when the space is open for us to step into with an open heart and an attitude of something different. I have found this process extremely revealing about the potential within and one that puts you in touch with the whole of your personality. All that is needed is openness and willingness to engage.

My 2018 winter has been profoundly peaceful, calm and gentle time. For the first time in years it was very different. Usually it is a Fire element space for me when I am dynamic, energetic and very productive, a time I engage with various projects and manifest a lot. Not this year. I counsciously decided to stay ‘still’. It almost effortlessly unfolded into a process of me connecting to my heart centre and sides of myself I had not experienced for as long as I remember. I have not felt my own niceness or softness, e.g. for such a long time I forgot, therefore this feeling was new, different yet also imbedded in the knowledge that it was there all along within me. The book that I spent reading throughout winter sang to my heart gently and with each page I felt my being becoming lighter, more open, and softer and engaged with LOVE.

Freeing the Heart (2001) 

After seven years of painstakingly difficult process of opening my heart I felt I was finally there and I still am today. Throughout my life I went through experiencing transcendent love towards another, which stood the test of time. I also visited places completely devoid of love. I spent frequent days of terror not knowing if I was ever to come back from that place where love didn’t exist. Again and again I felt love abandoning me and literary forgetting what that was and feeling nothing for anyone for periods of time. I can truly say that was always one of the scariest experiences in my life, you see, I never knew if love would come back and that felt terrifying. My heart disappeared. Images that I went through in my journey was heart in a cage, bleeding, having a huge piece of glass wedged into it, shrunk heart, a stone and many more. You can read other posts on my blog about my work with connecting with the heart.

This winter I fell in love with my husband and my son all over again in a way I hadn’t felt before. There was deep sense of acceptance and compassion. It was a place where conditions didn’t exist and all I had was a beautiful flow of being present with love minute after minute, day after day. The world around me appeared the same yet my heart was lighter witnessing things much slower, which previously would have thrown me into places uninviting. Most of all I started to ‘fall in love’ with myself, more precisely becoming aware of my essential qualities, my ability to love, give and participate in life in a way that flows not blocks or rejects. It is difficult to put into words and I can only say that this was profound, new, transformative and beautiful. It was as if I was transforming, but actually I was merging back into the self I always was and meant to be.

I noticed how my mind calmed and as it did my heart began to grow open and it no longer felt scary or unsafe. It felt like I was home. In terms of the elements I would connect it to Water element most of all and this winter it was all about water element in its purest form. My opening of the heart was steady, slow, gentle like a bubbling brook in a forest or a small river gently flowing through land. It was not a forceful roar of the ocean or crashing waves of the sea. This makes sense to me. Water has been my shadow element for as long as I remember. It is also my birth element. Aligning and merging with my own Water element made the process of coming home even sweeter.

Romancing with a Tree

tree talk

I go on walks often, sometimes I am called if there is a message for me to receive or a scar to attend to. Other times I feel my heart bursting with such gratitude I am in need of a walk in order to honour nature for all the gifts it bestows on my life and my spirit. Honouring nature in however small ways every day is how my spirit keeps its spark.
As I drove in my car this morning I was feeling an expansion of senses, a renewed energy that has come in during the night, and a slight happy tingling in the body. I knew then I ought to immerse myself in the spirit of my dear woods. Just then a crow flew very close to my windscreen as if to say ‘come, come, you are welcome’. I smiled to myself and said, ‘I am on my way’.
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Intuitive guidance ignored = Self-abandonment

self-love
We hear about self-love more and more these days in a sense that one must give oneself love in order to be able to give out into the world. There is a strong dissonance of energy between giving and receiving in the world generally. Often we are good at giving, but terrible at receiving. Sounds familiar? We have bought into the idea of unquestionable self-sacrifice and understanding receiving as bad, selfish, now allowed, even shameful. What we do is simply abandon ourselves each and every time tricking ourselves into believing we are doing something right. We abandon our own internal system of guidance, which, if only we listened, would move us towards our highest self and our soul’s purpose. We listen to one internal voice, which stems from years of internalised belief that we are bad if we don’t give out fully and we are not good enough if we allow ourselves to receive. By listening to one voice, we ignore another, which is our intuitive guidance of the soul carrying messages of love and compassion. We rationalise why something makes us feel good, something that comes from inside, no, we don’t have time to stop and listen, we must go on with doing and giving and often making ourselves invisible and ill in the process.

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