August 2020

Soul land

It is a period of wrapping things up in a wider sense of the beginning of the harvest season. To me it makes absolutely sense and after all is said and done what is left is a simple life, gratitude, people that we love, fulfilling work and creativity in every day with self-awareness, but not analysis. We are now done with analysis, I feel, and shifted towards moment-by-moment daily values and really breathing life in as it comes. This year has brought so many improvements to the ways things run, which is applicable to individual lives and the collective, and it is good to be able to look back and be grateful for having arrived at this point in the year and see how things were and how they are now through our own personal creation, tweaking, restructuring and letting things fall away as needed. The difference is huge. I am excited to start reaping the fruits/rewards of the seeds that I planted back in March. I remember that period of confusion, trepidation and nervous excitement of the unknown. Planting season always keeps me sane and grounded. Here we are with my land bursting with fresh organic produce that ends up on my plate and in my body. Very satisfying, indeed.

This summer for the first time in many years I am not depressed. I get seasonal summer depression (SAD in reverse) every year with no fail, but not this time. Instead I have been happy and noticed how I enjoy everything, however small, and gratitude has gone up a level also transforming to this shining light that doesn’t go out, but just accompanies me in everything that I do. I am able to be more and for longer and find it a lot more natural, up another level. I have learnt to stay in one place and be okay with it. I am slower and more intentional and what has been the most useful change is simplifying everything even more. For years I have had up to three jobs and multiple projects on the go all at the same time. I slowly reduced and culled in that area and this year it is the final alteration, I hope, to the whole work dynamic. I actually want to have just one job from here onwards – this is alien as you can imagine, but necessary. As always my way of living and being has been 100% intuitive and I attribute satisfactory results to my intuition, which I have never distrusted. I don’t know any other way to live at this point and it has truly changed my life many years ago when I stepped into understanding that my inner voice is the one I need to follow. My intuition is my magic.

My trip to Scotland this year has been utterly different too. I did wonder in the last year if things were going to change following a lot of work done on it last year and struggles and turmoil last summer. It did change in a very natural and gentle way. My predictions were correct and my work paid off. As I drove on empty roads in Argyll on the way to the islands I was surrounded by pine forests and wild flowers everywhere. I saw a cloak of grief not being there anymore. The lump in my throat was no longer there. I felt free, almost flying. I could finally exhale with ease. Sadness, overwhelm and confusion cleared up, evaporated and all I felt was the land just being there, unchanged, unshaken and blooming as usual. Immense comfort entered me and it remained unchanged for the duration of the trip. I felt happy every single day. I reached some sort of completion on my journey of seven years. The number, I realised, was significant, as every grief that comes my way is always intense and lasts for seven years exactly. This was no different.

Today I can say that the feeling of contentment and calm is here within me and very welcome it is too. Being back home is like slotting into a place that holds me. It is comfortable, snug and functional. It might not be my soul home, but it is a secure base, something I created and share with people that I love. There is beauty in that for sure. I look forward to autumn and winter immensely and getting back to writing and creating.

Freedom dream

path to freedom

Rushing around what looked like an intuition of some kind with a lot of people, classrooms and so many various textbooks, papers and materials everywhere I had a feeling I didn’t belong. I tried to join this group and that group and get involved with this class and that desperately trying to catch up. Catch up with what? I stopped and looked around and felt panic enveloping my body and mind. I must go on, I kept saying to myself, or I will be left behind. There was a studious atmosphere everywhere I turned with people of all ages and abilities. Where do I fit? I carried on for a long time getting stuck in with various tasks and sitting down with books, plans and schedules until I stopped. I really stopped when realising I didn’t have to do any of it. I have had an education and already held several degrees and been established for many years. What was it I was chasing? It wasn’t me, it was the voice inside repeating you have to do what others do, you have to join in with the crowd. The truth was I didn’t have to do any of it.

The feeling of immense freedom came into me and I felt relaxed and peaceful as I walked away from the institution representing society, conditioning and the rat race. Ahhh what a feeling to know at any given moment we can stop and say ‘I don’t actually have to, I am free as I am any time anywhere and there are choices all around me. A path of space and freedom opened up and I walked towards a beautiful sunrise.

Grateful, humble, simple and free. There has never been a better feeling to experience.

Photo credit: moow.life Ukraine path to freedom (Google images). Thank you!

Can Nature…?

Can nature heal

Can earth bring us back to our knees and pierce its ancient dagger through the heart

Can nature teach you who you are

Can a bird song inspire, delight and speak of both sorrow and joy

Can river wash away the debris of the worldly matter

Can mountain hold you in such a way you never wobble again

Can spring flowers inject a hope into our being

Can roaming animal body remind us of the raw wilderness within

Can the falling snow cover us in sheer enchantment

Can rain drops on the skin put us in touch with our bodies

Can a flight of an eagle inspire strength and power waiting to take flight inside of us

Can God bow before its majesty and weep tears of love

What is it that nature does and doesn’t that makes our lives worth living and speaks of meaning old as centuries

Of nature we are born and to its body we return

As outside so is within

What can be more life, meaning, strength and delight all at the same time

Nature is magic and matter, spirit and body

Bones and blood, skin and intelligence

All embracing…

One place we become whole, we come home, we know what we are

Eternal love

I knew a love once that if my heart was to burst it would give birth to a million stars

I knew a love once that if a touch was to happen a merging of the two would explode into a scene of stunning beauty

I knew a love once that the warmth and tenderness of the offering would forever shelter all broken hearts and loneliness would not exist

The unconditional holding would melt into a moulding of a beauty unspeakable

I knew a love once that tears would flow with ecstasy through every cell of my body and shake one into a glorious being

I knew a love once that forever will visit my land of dreaming reminding me it lives on, it cries on and the embrace of it promises eternal comfort and joy

Throughout the years I have had dreams of profound love that can only be described as sacred and pure in its essence. The dreams would point towards the love living within me that can never be broken, taken away or forgotten. Those dreams wake me up in tears, calm and soothing, joyful and yearning, sad and glorious. As in my dreams I get close to the object representing that love, a side of myself, there is fear and deep knowing that should I touch it and inhale its smell the drowning in love would spread beyond everything I have ever known, beyond this world.

Often these dreams had come in times of emotional trouble as if a reassurance that there’s a force within beyond my comprehension. I struggle to describe the power of it. It is good to know that more frequently it comes when things are settled as if to offer me that sacred touch, the next level of getting closer to it and it confirms it is closer than I think. It is within an extension of my arm, a slight movement of my hand yet the potential of ecstasy is undeniably exciting, terrifying and utterly consuming that I lose my breath every time I make that move towards the inner divinity that shows itself to me in my dreams.

Last night I had the dream. As nature speaks of the union of masculine and feminine from May onwards so does my psyche joins in balance and works towards a culmination of potential flourishing and the re-birth. As the Sun rises to its peak in the next few weeks so do we remain in grateful watching of unfolding the forces within ourselves

Happy Winter Solstice 2017

winter-solstice

Blessings to all this Winter Solstice! Let there be light again.

Gratitude and appreciation for all support for RawPagan blog. Look forward to more sharing and connection in 2018.

Natalia

Abundance at Lughnasadh

Lammas 2017

I have been having dreams about food in the run up to Lammas. A lot of food, plenty of nourishment provided. Happy dreams, overflowing with gifts. Dreams of festivities and cheer that left me feeling ‘full’ and satisfied, possibly even having more than needed. Abundance dreams like all dreams are a reflection of our inner worlds, unconscious material seeking to be known, our inner thoughts and conditions of the psyche. It seems I am feeling fulfilled and abundant from within. It does align with how I feel in my waking life these days.

This signature of abundance, however, is a fairly new one for me. I have been gently transitioning from a position of ‘lack’ into a position of ‘abundance’ over the last year or so and now feel comfortable in a place where abundance is present and I understand the meaning of ‘having it all available to me at any time’. Whether we feel poor or rich, which doesn’t just apply to monetary wealth, is closely linked to the thoughts that we think, our past patterns of living a life, stories that we have been telling ourselves, voices that we hear from the past all year round. It is about re-writing those stories and changing the tone of voice we use when communicating with ourselves. It is also about changing perspective and defining what abundance is to us, what it means exactly and exploring whether our understanding of it had been skewed and perception incorrect, hence often chasing something unimaginable and unachievable. Abundance signature comes into force when a vibration of gratitude is present. I found two go together. The more you feel gratitude deeply and authentically for the things that you do have, the more abundant you will feel. I used a metaphor recently with my father, who has very different views on abundance. We talked about big houses and luxurious mensions and palaces and how one should always strive towards wealth and prosperity whatever we do (my father would say). He comes from a ‘poverty’ mentality, which had been transmitted on to me for many years. He is absolutely convinced that everyone without exception wants to be rich, how can anyone ever not want that? But do they? I spoke of not needing a palace, golden chandeliers and marble floors with many rooms, why would I? What would I do with it all? My perspective is different. As I have been detaching slowly from the signature of ‘lack’, the seeming wanting of things turned into questioning of whether I need it. I felt liberated and fulfilled. I spoke of having a golden palace within and how when it is within it is not needed on outside. I began thinking of having enough and being content with what I already had – gratitude practice again. It is incredibly powerful.

Now at Lammas when the first harvest is upon us and the earth is ready to gift us with food I am thinking of ‘personal’ harvests, achievements and successes this year. It’s been a year of quick ripening and manifestations. For the last month abundance has been present much stronger. I can literary feel it as I handle money or prepare food for my family or look through things in shops and realise that everything that I need I already have. I have explored frugal living and it has been one of the most positive and enjoyable vibrations I have experienced. I realised I loved planning, saving and budgeting. It is incredibly satisfying and again I understood how little we really need and how happiness is not necessarily connected to what we have, who we are with, but what’s on the inside within us and how we perceive the world around us, which includes thoughts and attitudes we wake up with every morning.

Lughnasadh, a festival often gone almost unnoticed for me is very significant this year. All festivals for me have been redefined and fine-tuned over the last year and my observance of the seasons have become a deep spiritual undertaking. I listen to the seasons, as my guides. Nature remains sacred and ever knowing, the best reflector and life companion. This year I am reflecting on abundance and experiencing it all around me. Fruit is ripening much sooner and growing much faster and in large quantities: tomatoes, apples, pumpkins. Berries are abundant on bushes. I don’t think I have seen so many and quite early in previous years. Nature is reflecting the vibration of rich and lush conditions to me, which feels quite overwhelming. When in Scotland, Isle of Mull, last month my experience of the abundant environment got a bit too much.  I felt exposed to almost too much clean air, too much pristine space and abundant greenery and clean water. It was strikingly overwhelming and created realisations in my awareness how I am not used to the signature of ‘it is all available to me in quantities I need and much more’. I get it now and I feel so grateful I am overflown with golden light and warmth (that’s what gratitude feels like to me in the physical) within.

This Lammas I am hopeful for a bountiful harvest for everyone and us taking our achievements and successes into next year. Having filled up our cups with the earth’s gifts let it sustain our productivity throughout colder months and keep us grateful for everything that we have.

Blessings!