I was born with it

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Since I was a child I was aware of this something, a feeling that spoke to me of things that were about to happen. I felt the feelings and watched events unfold. Like an invisible friend it hanged on to me like a familiar dress, a comfort. Sometimes I struggled to carry it or understand its messages yet I was always aware of it being there. Its name was Intuition. 


Later through the traumas of the world and life my friend became subdued and I with it. It remained quiet for longer and I felt lonelier than ever. Loneliness happened to me very early on due to being seen as different, hard to reach, difficult to read, emotional and sensitive and later on too deep or too dark. Loneliness followed me into my adulthood. By that point my Intuition was gagged, tied up and hidden in the darkest place of my psyche by demands of life and the world of adults my heart felt was wrong, but could not change. I became too much, too feeling and my body followed into a black hole of mysterious ailments and I lost my inner voice. Only music revived me temporarily. When I touched the piano keys and lost myself in music I found something else, a place where everything just was being, feeling, flowing. I was not allowed none of that outside of music, outside of myself. 


Many years had passed and I began to feel a rising of something within me. In truth it slammed into my life like a hurricane, like the loudest noise that had been dying to expel its roar for many years. There was fury and confusion but peace followed, a deep knowing kind.  I was being put together again, the way I was when I was a child, but bigger, stronger and with my friend returning to me, wiser.

This time I understood its messages clearly and I vowed never to let go of it again. Intuition became a way of life for me. It was mine and only mine, on my terms, for my own good and restoration of myself, others and the planet. I began to follow it without doubt, hesitation or fear. Intuition was one thing I trusted. I let the magic back in, my own kind, intuitive one and along with nature as my God and inspiration everything changed. I was no longer watching things unfold, but began participating in life in a way of discernment of what’s good and not and so including myself in everything for the first time. I was no longer standing witness to the needs and wants of others; attending from the side lines to everyone’s feelings and recovery. I began to live my life fully and unconditionally and what allowed me to do that was my inner companion, my now fully visible or rather felt friend under the name of Intuition. One true gift of yourself to yourself.


We all possess the gift that is vital to our thriving and protection. Like our body who the intuition is in partnership with, it is always on our side and if we hear the voice, understand its language and learn to follow its advice life becomes a different way of engagement. It is a way to finding joy, strengthening boundaries, avoiding pointless mistakes and honouring our feelings at all times. Feelings are another ally of intuition. 

My book Pagan Portals Intuitive Magic Practice explores the subject of intuition and how with its integration and help one can create a magical practice unique to you. It is about reclaiming and restoration of your inner voice. The message aims to be inspiring, empowering and the book provide real-life examples and practical steps towards using intuition as you craft your spells and include magic in your life. If you remain curious and enchanted, it can be a life-changing first step. The book offers self-affirming concepts and principles that will connect you back to yourself.

If you ever wondered about that inner knowing that dwells within you; a powerful navigation system you know you were born with, but forgot how to use it or ignored its value due to life’s conditioning, now IS the time to rediscover that value again and go back to being guided by your own inner wisdom.

If the Sun was a god… and walking in all weather

The Sun is a solar deity in nature-based spiritual practice. It is both of the Fire and Air/sky elements. Worshiping the Sun God or following its cycles, manifestations, presentations and cycles means it is looked upon as sacred energy of the earth, which plays an active role in the life of the natural world and our own.

On my walk in the rain this morning I got thinking about the Sun, as a god, and Yule celebrations that are coming up. How do we look upon the Sun when it is not shining and in darkness? How do we think of it, speak of it? Notice the language we use around darkness and no so bright weather. There are many parallels between the decline of the Sun, it being hidden, the darkness and human psyche. The main element is that we are in denial of it whether we are aware of it or not. Rejection of the darkness is an old thing, as old as humanity, but I always wonder if it has to continue quite the way it had done. The work of psychotherapy throws a lot of light on what human shadow really is, personally and collectively, and it is my strong belief that the work of integrating your darkness can be one most valuable, if not the most vital, part of the personal journey. Until one becomes of aware, first, then accepting of his/her own dark materials, not a lot will change and projections, judgements, victimhood, blaming, pretending will carry on impeding relationships, progression, understanding and acceptance of things as they are. This is where nature is the most wise, I have always believed. It is all light and all darkness naturally.

Why do we deny rain, sleet, strong winds, floods and fires? They represent emotions within ourselves, very strong ones, the ones we had always been told to fear, reject, suppress, etc. I believe this has been the biggest wounding on earth to humans via humans. Again nature is one such source that can reconnect you back to your humility and heart. It can help reawaken and let the lost emotional parts of yourself be accepted back into the whole. We are meant to be whole, both, logic and feeling, mind and heart with the body holding it all together.

The language we use around weather is a good example of yet another rejection seemingly external, but it is very much internal. Dreary, bleak, dark, miserable – are the words we hear every day whenever the sun is not shining outside. If it is not bright and warm it is not worth ‘worshiping’, yet even the Sun needs recharging, like a battery, like any of us, in order to shine bright again in a few months’ time. We continue to judge it for not shining, leaving us in darkness, nevertheless. This, I believe, is due to lack of understanding, valuing and accepting our own inner darkness.

This phenomenon, please notice, can also happen in reverse when the Sun is scolded for shining too much, instead of too little. It is the rejection of light instead of the darkness. Emotions of ecstasy, mania and depression come to mind and depending on what your experience is with mental health you will understand what I mean. We all heard of chronic clinical depression, but no one has of chronic clinical happiness. It is more complex than that, of course, but ‘happiness’ can be a warning sign, always wanting, moving, needing, asking for the light or pretending to be that way, can bring serious consequences to psyche when not in balance. Nature is the key to bringing things together, to demonstrate to us through weather, seasons, and elemental presentations how to be with it all without judgement.

In nature-based spirituality folk welcome both the Summer Solstice and the Winter Solstice. There is an understanding of the value of both points in nature and in life. We welcome equally the point when the Sun is at its peak and we also celebrate the Sun’s return and acknowledgement of where it has been during darkness.

I saw deer playing and chasing each other in the bush as I walked passed the hedgerows with trees up on a hill. I would not have been able to witness that was it not quiet, empty and winter time. That’s a blessing to me!

Going back to those ‘negative’ adjectives the opposite for me would be when I walk in all weather is raw, fresh, renewing and completely natural. There is no life without the rain and there is no light without the darkness. It really is simple. The rainy landscape offers refreshing perspectives, new insights. I get inspired by wintery silhouettes and transparency and vulnerability of the land. At this time of year everything is exposed and paths are clear to walk to ponder over the bare branches and bones of the natural world. The clarity of mind for me during this time is like at no other time of the year. I love vulnerability and openness in nature and internally during darker winter months.


The darkness is the conservation of energy so it can shine brighter in months to come. Yet we are in denial of any validity of the darkness externally and within while wishing for the light to shine brighter. Want it here, now, in this way and that without considering how things become one way or another or where they roots from. There’s a cycle, a very wise one, the wisest. Nature is not here to please or pacify. It does what it must and what it has always done regardless of collective preconceptions, personal projections and human storytelling.


Yule is such a time and opportunity to reflect of the meaning of light and warmth and the Sun as a God, a spiritual, astrological, seasonal phenomenon that has been here since the beginning of time and every year offers lessons for reflection and potential change of views and perspective.

Yule Blessings, everyone!

Announcement – Nature Spirit Walks Tarot

I am happy to announce the release of the latest project in collaboration with Cortney Cameron, whose wonderful idea and beautifully designed images materialised in this invaluable resource. It has been my absolute pleasure contributing to this project. Enjoy!

ORDER HERE

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Flying into spring

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With hair smelling of earth and aching leg muscles I feel like I can fly. Air element is strongly present since calendar spring began. Identification with flying, birds and wings propels me into areas I would not have visited before or even considered. There is space, openness, possibilities and opportunities. Ultimately freedom. Elemental change has been quite sudden and quick this year just as one day we had snow and the next all the flowers were out. From Water I stepped into Air, or rather flew into it.

My pace changed from gentle quietness of winter to a very busy mind full of ideas, engaging with a lot of research and literary feeling like I was going to take off any minute and fly. My views expanded hugely. I didn’t just begin to step outside my comfort zone and think outside the box I threw the box away. I also experienced my clients having breakthroughs in their process one after another. There was an opening of some sort, which again invited us all, it seems, into being something different. This all feels like a big change overnight.

What I am working on now is bringing myself back into balance and what is needed is Earth, so I walk a lot. I wash my hair (crown chakra) with clay and mud and exercise my body so I can feel every muscle and joint to connect me to the physical. It is grounding. On my walk today I encountered a heron bird I often see and even though it was a bird, a lot of them in my awareness right now, Heron is a wise old crone, which warns against haste and too much speed. I hear her and I slow down standing next to the bird.

Experience is exhilarating and again different. What I notice most of all is lack of fear. Courage is all around me. I feel like I can fly and not just that, but I also know how to. I am in touch with my skills and inner wisdom more than ever and what also comes in strongly is trust, which overrides doubt every day. It feels incredible and liberating to a point of ‘jumping’ off the cliff and being ok. As many doors remain closed or get shut in my face I find my ‘wings’ grow bigger. I find my way, I manoeuvre life and people with greater confidence and skill. I think things through and able to step away when I feel I have overdone it. Too much thinking is never good, hence bringing in balancing elements is important to keep the overall effect positive and yourself intact and healthy.

I am enjoying ‘my flight’ so far and excited to see what else this spring brings with it. In the next couple of week we will have Ostara and nature will burst into blooming picture of glory. I am ready!

The Element of winter

water element magic

My way is the Elemental way. I see the world through the five elements and work with them the most in my nature communication, magical weaving and spells and when relating to others. I have a power and a shadow element and the world makes sense to me in a way it is made of the elements all around me.

The season of winter has always been a Fire element season for me, full of creativity, drive, focus, enthusiasm and passion. It has always been a time when my inspiration would be present and my mind clear and full of ideas. I would complete a lot of projects during winter usually. Many writers report the same thing. This year it is different. This time it feels softer, smoother, slower accompanied by quiet, silence and a peaceful retreat into inner spaces.. In dreams I am met with a lot of shadow material and crying physical tears. The season feels closer to the element of Water. As water here doesn’t freeze in winter it is very much present, but in a state of quiet still standing. Perhaps, it depends on where we are at any given point and what our intentions are and currently my preferred state is of slow motion in silence and solitude with no need for many words or interactions. It is a very relaxed state of being with nothing to do and nowhere to go, quite the opposite energy of my usual winters. Water element is in this year’s signature I also feel regardless of what the season is now and yet to come, as we are in the feminine rising energy, but not for the first time. The archetypal flow is quite advanced this time and more powerful than ever. It is very consious and knowing ready to share its wisdom with us all. What would be interesting to explore this year is that contact with water whether we like it or not. Like for many water is my shadow element and a lot of us have grown up with supression of our emotional states (water energy). If we decide to engage with the element purposefully tt will sure take us on a transformational and insightful journey, no doubt about it. There is that opportunity this year in abundance. I am going to embrace it and put some water magic into my practice more. For the moment, stillness and calm are the energies of the month for me and it feels just how it should be.

What’s your element for the season of winter?

Elemental forward movement and healing for 2018

sacred feminine water element

This one is particularly relevant to women of our times and at this point it is becoming clearer and profoundly important to step into a vibration that is required to bring up the most of our potential. As we heal from inside out the light of consciousness will strengthen to support our own intentions and goals aimed at the whole world and everything around us.

For a long time we have been living in a state of suppressed feminine, shamed, required to be hidden and riddled with shame. Women have not been welcomed in their authentic expression and were expected not to be seen or heard. As a result women had learnt to sign up to a signature of self-hatred, feeling ashamed of their emotions and resent their physical bodies and continuously becoming more and more lost. Well, over the last few years women have been rising stronger and more confident, waking up to their abilities, powers and heart-centred purpose here on Earth.

In elemental terms when feminine is wounded continuously, a complex trauma is created in a female being to the extent that she becomes distorted. What arises in a way of defence and coping as a result is a distorted masculine, which is ruthless, aggressive and brutal in words, open in actions and behaviour devoid of grace, modesty and all softness. Feminine energy becomes frozen or dried up and the flow is interrupted, intuition is banished and is looked upon as weak and useless. Action, power and an overpowering voice of the masculine becomes predominant. Paradoxically this is exactly what had been wanted, women silenced and/or turned into ‘male’ versions. This is an element of Fire, but in its distorted position where passion is used to destroy another, determination is directed towards trampling over everything and everyone to reach goals. It is harsh and burning.

When we think of water (a natural element of the feminine), it is powerful too. It is flexible and adaptable. It fits into any shape and give life to things as it flows into various manifestations of itself. It is soothing, calming and gentle in its natural, healthy position. It is nourishing to the body and soul. It is open to reflection and contemplation and encouraging in creating new ways of being and flowing with the energy that is most natural. This what has been lost, however, more and more women are claiming their Water back and about time.

This coming year the signature and goal is not only physical health of the feminine and learning to love ourselves as we are, learning to honour our flow and shapes and dance in the knowing of our own beauty, the goal is also stepping back into softness and gentle handling of ourselves, others and all life around us. Kindness, intuition, wisdom, silence and deep soulful presence are all qualities women are called to awaken. Every woman possesses the power of Water and it is needed today more than ever before. Water calms Fire, soothes old wounds and encourages healing.

What comes up for me always and recently when I seek to align with the softness of the feminine is an archetype of a deer, a white delicate creature of the woods. It is not a big stag, but a soft female, which is my primary spirit animal. It is also in alignment with my 5th plane self and this is truly sacred to me. Whenever they come to me more often I know what is required and I feel it deep in my sacral and solar plexus chakras the forward movement that is needed for the overall benefit and good in the world.

Be kind, be soft, be silent in a way only a wise feminine knows how. Connect with the eternal power of intuition that resides within us all and rest assured internal light will lead us to a place of peace, joy and overall balance.

Memories in the snow

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I woke up from a dream of being back in my Siberian land. Dreams that take me there are always set in winter. Most of my childhood and youth’s significant events happened in winter and amidst snow and remain the most memorable to this day. Sledging with friends in freezing temperatures when we couldn’t feel our faces, hands and feet, yet incredibly happy and full of joys of childhood. My first kiss, awkward, yet warm and sweet. The day I let him go also took place in the middle of winter with me crying in the bright light of street lamps and snow sparkling all around us. I remember my blue mascara running down my cheek as if it was yesterday and the smell of his winter coat as he pulled me close to his chest. I remember his heart beat as we said good-bye.

I recall ice-skating with my father and falling into the deep snow, up to my waist, in the wilderness forest. We laughed a lot. Another kiss takes me back to a sacred place where memories stand still and not just my own, but for the whole nation. Wearing white hat and mittens in a cream coloured coat I was deeply in love.

As I walked to the window this morning I was greeted with a snow-covered garden and land beyond. Beautiful. It continued to snow all morning and I decided to go into the forest for some nature and elements communion. I always feel it is such a raw, spiritual and necessary experience to immerse yourself in the elements be it rain, snow, sunshine or wind. Each element awakens something within, touches upon places that need to be visited to remind us of what is essential and where we are in life. Crunchy under my feet I found snow and pure white landscape stretching ahead taking me further into my memories and on a journey of seeing and feeling things I hold dear to my heart. Memories flooded in like a bitter-sweet river and looking around me I smiled also feeling a smidge of sadness in my heart. He is long gone, but what he left is a place within me that is unconditional love and to this day I carry it inside and always will. Forest was noisy with splats and swooshing sounds of snow falling off branches. Many trees were bent down under the snow weight touching the ground. I stopped and breathed it all in. I miss him still and I remember everything like it was yesterday. Sadness filled my heart, but it is no longer grief or longing, it is settled and contained, warm and alive. It is love, forever.