August 2020

Soul land

It is a period of wrapping things up in a wider sense of the beginning of the harvest season. To me it makes absolutely sense and after all is said and done what is left is a simple life, gratitude, people that we love, fulfilling work and creativity in every day with self-awareness, but not analysis. We are now done with analysis, I feel, and shifted towards moment-by-moment daily values and really breathing life in as it comes. This year has brought so many improvements to the ways things run, which is applicable to individual lives and the collective, and it is good to be able to look back and be grateful for having arrived at this point in the year and see how things were and how they are now through our own personal creation, tweaking, restructuring and letting things fall away as needed. The difference is huge. I am excited to start reaping the fruits/rewards of the seeds that I planted back in March. I remember that period of confusion, trepidation and nervous excitement of the unknown. Planting season always keeps me sane and grounded. Here we are with my land bursting with fresh organic produce that ends up on my plate and in my body. Very satisfying, indeed.

This summer for the first time in many years I am not depressed. I get seasonal summer depression (SAD in reverse) every year with no fail, but not this time. Instead I have been happy and noticed how I enjoy everything, however small, and gratitude has gone up a level also transforming to this shining light that doesn’t go out, but just accompanies me in everything that I do. I am able to be more and for longer and find it a lot more natural, up another level. I have learnt to stay in one place and be okay with it. I am slower and more intentional and what has been the most useful change is simplifying everything even more. For years I have had up to three jobs and multiple projects on the go all at the same time. I slowly reduced and culled in that area and this year it is the final alteration, I hope, to the whole work dynamic. I actually want to have just one job from here onwards – this is alien as you can imagine, but necessary. As always my way of living and being has been 100% intuitive and I attribute satisfactory results to my intuition, which I have never distrusted. I don’t know any other way to live at this point and it has truly changed my life many years ago when I stepped into understanding that my inner voice is the one I need to follow. My intuition is my magic.

My trip to Scotland this year has been utterly different too. I did wonder in the last year if things were going to change following a lot of work done on it last year and struggles and turmoil last summer. It did change in a very natural and gentle way. My predictions were correct and my work paid off. As I drove on empty roads in Argyll on the way to the islands I was surrounded by pine forests and wild flowers everywhere. I saw a cloak of grief not being there anymore. The lump in my throat was no longer there. I felt free, almost flying. I could finally exhale with ease. Sadness, overwhelm and confusion cleared up, evaporated and all I felt was the land just being there, unchanged, unshaken and blooming as usual. Immense comfort entered me and it remained unchanged for the duration of the trip. I felt happy every single day. I reached some sort of completion on my journey of seven years. The number, I realised, was significant, as every grief that comes my way is always intense and lasts for seven years exactly. This was no different.

Today I can say that the feeling of contentment and calm is here within me and very welcome it is too. Being back home is like slotting into a place that holds me. It is comfortable, snug and functional. It might not be my soul home, but it is a secure base, something I created and share with people that I love. There is beauty in that for sure. I look forward to autumn and winter immensely and getting back to writing and creating.

Abundance at Lughnasadh

Lammas 2017

I have been having dreams about food in the run up to Lammas. A lot of food, plenty of nourishment provided. Happy dreams, overflowing with gifts. Dreams of festivities and cheer that left me feeling ‘full’ and satisfied, possibly even having more than needed. Abundance dreams like all dreams are a reflection of our inner worlds, unconscious material seeking to be known, our inner thoughts and conditions of the psyche. It seems I am feeling fulfilled and abundant from within. It does align with how I feel in my waking life these days.

This signature of abundance, however, is a fairly new one for me. I have been gently transitioning from a position of ‘lack’ into a position of ‘abundance’ over the last year or so and now feel comfortable in a place where abundance is present and I understand the meaning of ‘having it all available to me at any time’. Whether we feel poor or rich, which doesn’t just apply to monetary wealth, is closely linked to the thoughts that we think, our past patterns of living a life, stories that we have been telling ourselves, voices that we hear from the past all year round. It is about re-writing those stories and changing the tone of voice we use when communicating with ourselves. It is also about changing perspective and defining what abundance is to us, what it means exactly and exploring whether our understanding of it had been skewed and perception incorrect, hence often chasing something unimaginable and unachievable. Abundance signature comes into force when a vibration of gratitude is present. I found two go together. The more you feel gratitude deeply and authentically for the things that you do have, the more abundant you will feel. I used a metaphor recently with my father, who has very different views on abundance. We talked about big houses and luxurious mensions and palaces and how one should always strive towards wealth and prosperity whatever we do (my father would say). He comes from a ‘poverty’ mentality, which had been transmitted on to me for many years. He is absolutely convinced that everyone without exception wants to be rich, how can anyone ever not want that? But do they? I spoke of not needing a palace, golden chandeliers and marble floors with many rooms, why would I? What would I do with it all? My perspective is different. As I have been detaching slowly from the signature of ‘lack’, the seeming wanting of things turned into questioning of whether I need it. I felt liberated and fulfilled. I spoke of having a golden palace within and how when it is within it is not needed on outside. I began thinking of having enough and being content with what I already had – gratitude practice again. It is incredibly powerful.

Now at Lammas when the first harvest is upon us and the earth is ready to gift us with food I am thinking of ‘personal’ harvests, achievements and successes this year. It’s been a year of quick ripening and manifestations. For the last month abundance has been present much stronger. I can literary feel it as I handle money or prepare food for my family or look through things in shops and realise that everything that I need I already have. I have explored frugal living and it has been one of the most positive and enjoyable vibrations I have experienced. I realised I loved planning, saving and budgeting. It is incredibly satisfying and again I understood how little we really need and how happiness is not necessarily connected to what we have, who we are with, but what’s on the inside within us and how we perceive the world around us, which includes thoughts and attitudes we wake up with every morning.

Lughnasadh, a festival often gone almost unnoticed for me is very significant this year. All festivals for me have been redefined and fine-tuned over the last year and my observance of the seasons have become a deep spiritual undertaking. I listen to the seasons, as my guides. Nature remains sacred and ever knowing, the best reflector and life companion. This year I am reflecting on abundance and experiencing it all around me. Fruit is ripening much sooner and growing much faster and in large quantities: tomatoes, apples, pumpkins. Berries are abundant on bushes. I don’t think I have seen so many and quite early in previous years. Nature is reflecting the vibration of rich and lush conditions to me, which feels quite overwhelming. When in Scotland, Isle of Mull, last month my experience of the abundant environment got a bit too much.  I felt exposed to almost too much clean air, too much pristine space and abundant greenery and clean water. It was strikingly overwhelming and created realisations in my awareness how I am not used to the signature of ‘it is all available to me in quantities I need and much more’. I get it now and I feel so grateful I am overflown with golden light and warmth (that’s what gratitude feels like to me in the physical) within.

This Lammas I am hopeful for a bountiful harvest for everyone and us taking our achievements and successes into next year. Having filled up our cups with the earth’s gifts let it sustain our productivity throughout colder months and keep us grateful for everything that we have.

Blessings!

Lammas 2016

Lammas is the first harvest festival of the year when fresh Earth produce is coming in thick and fast and my kitchen is overflowing with vegetables, berries, colours, smells and textures.It is during this time I say thanks to the God and the Goddess for providing and nurturing my family and sending the joy of harvesting into my soul.

  
It is a special feeling to pick ripe vegetables and smell them and then eat it. The cycle of life becomes present for me at this turn of the wheel. When I hold a ripe cucumber or a beetroot in my hand I remember when those were only minute seeds on my palm ready to be planted. I always thought of it as a bit of a miracle to see such abundance manifesting from a few tiny seeds. I feel very blessed and grateful during this time of year.

It is also about eating and cooking for me before and during Lammas. Produce is fresh and ready for using in cooking and making pickles. This week I prepared courgette and cucumber pickles. Jams will be next made of raspberries and currents.
I also make salads, soups, stews and it is an utter joy. Read More