Aggression as a shadow side of peace


Underneath peace there is aggression. I wonder if it’s possible? I felt it growing around me, towards me and penetrating my energy field. By day two it was everywhere and I either felt numb, frozen on the spot as if suspended in the air observing all  that goes on down below or I was filled with hatred. What appears peaceful at first might have an aggressor hidden within. This was an interesting experience and a warning that this, indeed, is possible.

Here, in particular, I would like to discuss this in relation to a spiritual by-pass and what happens when one seeks to cover one with another without moving even the top of the soil, so to speak. There is no intention to dig deep, there is only intention to cover up and then become ‘suspended’ above it all so not to touch the ‘shit’.

I sat in the woods for a few hours this weekend while attending a festival surrounded by a lot of people and children and I simply observed. I tell you that the support of a tree against my head and my back was absolutely necessary. The trees were pines and I adore their reassuring and solid vibration, as well as pleasant smell of ‘home’ and freshness. I sat on the ground and I people watched. Initially I felt peace around me, light vibration that hardly had any movement. It was pleasant, yes, intoxicating yet there was something else behind it I kept on thinking. I realised there was a pull towards ‘peace’ energy from my side and I allowed for that to come in, but I also allowed something else to birth with that initial vibration. The shadow side of peace is aggression. On day two it became clear and I felt deeply rooted aggression within so many. It is very well hidden in some and not so well in others. There are also beings I came across that felt solidly genuine in their intention and comfortable in their skins. This was affecting me greatly as I also began to feel my own shadow, my own inner aggression. It was mirroring it back to me, it was a two-way process. More specifically, however, what I felt from the place and others is aggression, which had been covered with spirituality in mind. I began to see children displaying similar energy, which felt very odd, but they appeared like angry animals with extremely strong aggression vibration. It all felt unbalanced somewhat. I began to think of what this might mean. We all are familiar with spiritual by-passing when something is not being looked at within and deliberately covered up by spiritual intentions and language. Perhaps, spirituality also became a copying mechanism for many when dealing with the world at large, which is full of terror and fear. It is all understandable, but I also couldn’t help feeling a clear sense of loss, sadness and already exhausted from just over a day of what I didn’t initially know what it was, I felt I didn’t want to participate or had energy to look deeper. Yes, I escaped to my home holding on to my centre for dear life. An energetic experience I never forget and will continue to learn from for days, months to come I am sure.

I would encourage everyone to be observant of your surroundings and check everything against how you feel, what a situation, a person, an exchange, etc. evokes in you and why. Some of you might get clear instant messages of what you are experiencing and what a message is, others might become aware later on. The main thing always is to check against your emotional, feeling body in all situations. It is the best way to know for sure what is going on and what to do next, in my experience.

Many blessings!

Synchronicities awareness – journey back in time

Mansion House c1753

My journey through synchronicities today led me to a more clarified state of mind and emotions, which then subsequently led towards knowledge of what is needed to be in place and a clearer sense of direction.

‘I get it’, I heard myself say today several times, as I began my train journey into London. This morning I noticed a sense of excitement within, which is not usually present at the prospect of going into a big, noisy, busy place like a city. There was anticipation and a clear sense of ‘I am going to find out something today’. This was to be a useful exercise and an insightful experience, which, like any experience if done with awareness can help us more forward in our growth.

The weather was overcast with a threat of rain, but I was glad of that and grateful to the universe for providing that extra step where I would be comfortable in attending to today’s business in the city. If it was baking hot, it would have been easy for me to say ‘no’ to an experience however strong the pull might have been. I don’t thrive in heat, my spirit dims and my thinking is foggy. I needed light rain and grey clouds to keep my senses fresh and yes, the universe knew that well. I smiled, as I watched trees slide past the window of a moving train.

When I arrived the feeling of content and curiosity remained intact and as I was walking along old London’s street past old buildings I noticed how many plaques were on the walls and all of them pointed towards a certain artist or a doctor having lived there before – all from the 18th century. Again, my excitement grew and I felt a sense of being transported into the period. I saw a carriage pulling outside one of the front doors and a gentleman helped a lady step on to the pavement. Her dress was modest, but beautiful and everything was in place, as she gracefully walked up the stairs towards the door followed by a gentleman. I was very aware of different smells today – clean, sterile in one place and ‘old’, ‘not of this world’ in another. Fresh white wash paint was another. It was such a sensory experience, as if walls of each building were speaking to me. I realised that buildings just like land connects to my sensory abilities and I am able to read their signatures. I am sure there is a word for this, a name that escapes me at the moment. I smiled, as I am becoming familiar with my connection to the 18th century. In the last year or two there had been signs it was the time I was here before. I am enjoying exploration into that past-life aspect of myself and being shown more and more in terms of what that means and how the past can influence the future in a way beneficial to me.

The place I visited had a lovely ‘crisp, clean and sterile’ feel of a hospital, something I love to experience. The smell of surgical spirit and clean bed sheets – I can clearly see it around the place. For sometime I went into a state of being with that experience, transported into a state I knew well and a place I had visited before and called home.

There was more to come and when it came to the business of why I was actually there I was led into a room with no windows and bang, there it was again – my core trauma of being ‘imprisoned’. I instantly knew this was not meant to be and began to question – why? What was it about the person showing it to me and the actual room that tells me I must walk away. A feeling of sadness was present, but also felt right. When something feels right whether it is sad or joyous we go with the feeling of ‘right’, nothing else matters. We must let go off an attachment to an outcome we might have had before undertaking something. This was one of those moment where I had to let go off my original plan and be prepared to look into this from a perspective of what this is telling me right now. Next room was no better. It was cluttered, dirty and smelt unpleasant. It was in contrast with the room I saw before, which was beautifully decorated and pleasant, but without a window. The room I stood in had a window, but it was covered by a dirty cheap blind. Again, I felt a definite ‘no’ message. Something was not complete yet. I was not ready. There was still more completion and tidying up to do before I could put the plan in action. Very clear message.

As I left the building I felt very tired and had a headache. My spirits were slightly dimmed, but it felt like I did a lot of work having gone on this journey and insights started flowing out of me while I waited for the train back. Crystal clear messages with exact wording of what needs to be done and what I need to ignore. I felt grateful yet again for having listened to the inner voice to go on this trip. I got so much out of it.

I invite everyone to follow that inner voice and tune into yourself daily in hope to align with universal intentions. I find especially in times of uncertainty it is very useful to look around you, to ask for assistance. It comes in mysterious ways and when you immerse yourself into that exploration of possibilities you will be surprised what comes out of it. I have done this several times and the city now called me several times just like the forest would call me in the same way. One got to go when you are called, as there are gems of knowledge lies within the universal and you are very much part of it, so participate with joy and curiosity.

Much love



The Empath in the city

The Empath in the city – expanding your boundaries and healing manifesting in the world
I went to the city today and my experience was not only reaffirming about my already present inner healing, but also expansive regarding further healing and development of my skills as an empath.
One very obvious observation that jumped out at me was around boundaries and just how much better and stronger I have become with it over the last few years. At first I used the ‘shielding’ technique, crystals, essential oils, prayer, mantra, etc. and all of those tools have been very useful, which I recommend to all empaths, who are just beginning to look into their own healing.
The aim, you see, is to heal from within in order to turn your sensitivities and empathic abilities into super powers that will serve you and others in the best way possible.
Well, today reaffirmed yet again for me that boundaries are stronger and more vibrant and none of the above tools are needed in order to be in a certain situation or an environment.
What stood out for me today was the fact that sometimes it’s worth pushing through residual resistance and ‘not even going to go there’ intention. Instead turning that pre-determined thinking into ‘how about it? why not give it a try?’. This would, of course, depend on the need to go to a certain place, a situation, your mood, etc. and all of those must be observed individually to get clear information.
There was huge resistance  to not just going into London for me today, but also to a place that I was going to visit in the city. That resistance is always there within me before visiting a big city. What was different this morning was the awareness and curiosity about questions around which part of my journey I was resistant to exactly. Very useful exercise that removes generalizing about crowded, noisy and foggy places energy wise and pin points things that you might be more sensitive to than others. For example, you might not be as bad with noise and crowds if you are going somewhere you look forward to going, the same goes for, perhaps, you are meeting someone you haven’t seen for a long time, you triggers might not be as strong. Yes, you might not totally enjoy the environment, but it might not be as extreme as you would generally think things might be in a big city. There’s also a confusion sometimes whether it’s the city, the actual place I am going to, means of transport or the weather, whatever it might. Worth checking in with what the resistance is related to exactly.

This morning circumstances seemed to be in sync with my overall and multilayered resistance, yet, and I must say to my surprise, not only I had time to fill up my car with petrol on the way, go through a stretch of a busy motorway, get the train with no delay I actually arrived early to my appointment. It really was a moment of me standing still outside the building taking it all in and thinking, right, this feels good, the energy is light, the place looks lovely and I am here on time – what happened to that morning rush and the feeling of ‘ ahhhhh, I just want to go home and shut the door on the world’.

Attachment to a certain outcome (me thinking I wasn’t going to make it anyway and I hate going to the city) automatically cancels out all other possibilities and it is ‘fear and anxiety driven’ not ‘love towards yourself’ driven. It is like one has to be prepared to lose going into a competition otherwise experience is not fully explored within you, felt fully and authentically and accepting that whatever is meant to manifest will manifest, but we move towards allowing for possibilities to come in, a possibility to feel different, choosing to feel differently about something you might not want to give an option to. There is a pattern in my process to this and it really stood out this morning how I would want to shut down certain events, experiences, as it feels I simply can’t bear it, but when I turn that around and open my heart wider I always see the benefit. Big lessons, ha.

I also noticed that yes, there’s always something that can potentially spoil the experience, like e.g. men swearing loudly at the station, which was quite overwhelming, but instead of dismissing the whole of the experience before and after the ‘spoiler’ why not see it as a contrast to that peaceful vibe you enjoyed earlier. We notice, we accept it exists and we do not get angry, dismissive or as an empath would do – run away from it instantly. Gratitude stems from inner peace and vice versa. Was I grateful for catching the train on time or finding the place with no problem – yes I was. But what I was also grateful for is a realisation that an experience doesn’t have to be bad just because there is a degree of resistance within you. There’s no need to label things in a certain way just because they don’t naturally vibe. Allowing for all experiences to come in, welcoming new vibrations is a better way of allowing balance, perhaps…

Balance came to mind strongly and just like the elements where the earth might need water to feed some moisture and life into her and water might need earth be feel
contained, fire needing water to avoid the rage of out of control destruction and air needing earth for grounding and manifesting, perhaps, us, empathic people need to allow for more balance, to step into experiences that once seemed frightening, but no longer restricting our shining. It is a process and a journey of healing that might facilitate the shift and expansion and one can do this once they feel ready. We need a balance, a spectrum of experiences and emotions that go through us just to let us know what we are and how we operate, a reminder, and sometimes something we fear carries lessons and is not as bad as one might first imagine. It might serve as a tester, a reminder of just what our triggers are and are triggers remain the same or they shift or reduce in number over time with healing taking place.

It was drizzling with rain in London, as if keeping emotions light and in check like a protective veil over the Universe. I like rain and I think it added something to the feeling of safe cosiness – another big felt sense experience.
I met the eyes of a few people today and it did surprise me. What did I not see before that made me feel quite warm inside? We are one whole, one nature of experiencing feelings, witnessing and performing actions and thinking thoughts. I experienced inter-connectedness all around me and rather than feeling ‘lost, unbalanced in the crowd’, I felt as one with the crowd and it is a totally different vibration I am used to, which is also awesome. Joining in with the crowd and not running into secluded space straight away is certainly an interesting experience for an empath and once you are ready I recommend trying it out, just see how you feel and what insights you get into the idea of expanding your energy out into the world with the purpose of connecting.

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