OUT today – Weathering the Storm

weathering the storm cover

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Proud to have contributed to this project along with other wonderful Moon Books Authors. A valuable resource, beautifully written.

Written in three parts, psychological, spiritual and practical, Weathering the Storm is an anthology offering support to those of us who are isolated or vulnerable. The book has a primary Pagan focus but will be of interested to all those interested in Mind Body Spirit matters and in alternative lifestyles and spiritualities. Covering areas from loneliness and anxiety, self-care and gardening, to cooking and crystals, Weathering the Storm is a book designed to help everyone through uneasy, unprecedented times. A complementary compendium of hope, from the writers and publishers behind Moon Books.

On writing

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Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

We have lived in a construct, label-based, boxed-in reality, which is based on dualities, contrasts, limited choices based on ‘either this or that’, needing and having to influence others to agree with what we believe is the truth. Let me tell you something. None of it matters, it is just a story that had been created, told and designed to enslave and control, since the creation of ‘humanity’. We all fell for it, we all were born into it whether we had a choice or not. By the age of five most of us would have lost, rejected, supressed or moved away from what we intrinsically knew was true and unique for us. The price of conditioning into a programme has been high for us all with no fail, generation after generation. This has been applied to every aspect of human life. Writing is no exception.

You would have seen, heard, read and experienced the idea of writing needing to be an act of suffering, sacrifice, deep emotional pain. People approached it from that point for a long time with many deciding to check out through ending their lives, as the belief of ‘unless you do it this way, it is no good and you are not worth anything’. You all read things like, which are still circulating everywhere today ‘the first draft is shit’, ‘unless you go through the bad stage of struggle, you will never produce anything worthwhile and good’. Nonsense! Have you ever written poetry or anything just using your intuition, or experienced something that writes itself through you effortlessly and in a state of flow. That feels easy, soft, beautiful and very true to our hearts. Forms that come out perfectly on the paper with no need to word count, time watching or anything else. It is true creative flow. The way one writes cannot be separated from the way one lives. If that is so ask yourself a question ‘How do I live my life?’ How do I value myself, my time, what gives me meaning, etc. The list of questions is endless and can be attended to consciously and continuously if things are called for change.

One thing that we must understand is this. There is absolutely nothing bad in an expression, nothing. We cannot continue labelling our writing as good or bad. It is not this or that. It just IS. Whatever is being expressed by an individual cannot simply be labelled bad. We do it to ourselves fearing that if we don’t others will. Detach from what is a label, construct that one must struggle to create something good. It is just an illusion. All that matters is an experience of writing, an experience of a creative expression and, therefore, life itself. When you create you tap into life literary, therefore it can never be bad. How can it be bad? Labels are an intrinsic part of the programme that somehow values and focuses lack, unworthiness, suffering on purpose almost and so on. Sounds like we all have a choice, the thing is we always had a choice even though we didn’t think we did and, perhaps, as children we don’t have depending on the family we came into, but as adults we certainly do have a choice and a right to change things to what feels good to us. Writing is a unique expression, just like paining, playing music, crafting or anything that requires a different type of flow to how we are told the flow should be. There are no should or musts. All you have to do is recognise that this way of writing is what prevents the flow in the first place, what stops from your own voice being heard and blocks enjoyment of the whole process. Drop it all, create an anomaly in life and in your writing and go with that with deep belief that anything is possible when expressed without having to attach to labels, external opinions or anything else that creates a friction within us when we do it. We all felt that often.

I don’t want to…

What is the thing that you would say out loud if you were 100% authentic even if just for a moment.

This is the most authentic I have ever been probably and I am saying it out loud and it feels incredibly liberating.

When I was small I was known for saying ‘I don’t want to’ a lot. I resisted, fought, defended whatever my heart held precious and I stubbornly stamped my feet in not wanting either doing or feeling. It applied to many things and now as an adult I understand that state of authenticity and I admire it in my inner little girl even though she lost that fight pretty early on, around five years old. The ‘I don’t want to’ got silenced for life I’d say, but the inner grumble never went away although compliance took over on a scale unimaginable to her but necessary for mere survival.

I never believed or ever will for as long as I live in suppression of emotions of any kind and going against your soul I consider a crime. I have always known that. Life had different ideas, hence a coat of sadness cling to me all my life as a knowing of what’s underneath. Physical beauty only intensified the pain within and the split between inner and outer always felt unbearable. This world always felt too difficult to be in, to handle, to operate and survive. I did. We all did in one way or another. It’s not all bad, of course it’s not, as moments of sheer ecstasy and happiness did come and I can count them on one hand and remember each and every one of them like it was yesterday and always will.

So, last night I wrote this, which brought back the ‘I don’t want to’ back and this time it is near to stay, to speak out loud without shame, worry, care or fear of any kind.

What would you say ‘I don’t want to’ today to help bring yourself back home, to a state where you know yourself as best you can and there are no more cover ups or excuses, only truth, your truth!

Freedom or connection?

Extinction or restoration?

Been in conflict with this since last year and extinction is so wanted. Tired, don’t want to do it, want to be free, not in connection with anyone, don’t want to help or rescue anyone, too hard.

Freedom/death/no more/no faith in humanity/not up to me/don’t want the responsibility

But I am called to do this because apparently someone thinks that I can. Restoration needed

You have got to heal how to be a mother – wow, not that again, don’t want to

I need to be in the right place to activate this, to heal this. No, I don’t. I don’t want to

Ultimately I don’t want to even engage with it let alone dive into it aiming to heal. I feel like I am done and whatever is left will always be and I am ok. Freedom and peace is what I want. I am tired of this world and just want to enjoy whats left for me and my family.

Burn out that’s reached its ultimate peak. All the things that defined me in a forceful way but were never me and what I wanted are now surrendering and giving up. Enough they say, we are not doing it, we are not moving. Stubborn energy and some might relate to it as selfish but to me it is like a defence in the name of my authenticity. It is not avoidance or resistance it is a very firm NO. I really really really don’t want to be there for others when I don’t want or need to be. I want to do nothing. My wants are minimal, very simple and singular. I want to sit in a chair for hours and just look at the trees outside. I want to walk from

Room to room with no particular purpose, I want to write some words and fall into the flow and don’t come out of it till I want to come out of it not when I am expected to break it or interrupted to break it. With a sigh and an inner grumble I do but I don’t want to. I don’t need or want a purpose to define my being here on earth at this time. I don’t need to be somewhere with someone doing something I no longer need to fulfil needs and wants of someone else or an idea that I should. It’s stupid to me and when I have to do it I don’t feel great even though I have to. It doesn’t give me pleasure or joy or anything I’d call fulfilment really because I want none of that and never wanted it really. It all just happened, I fell into many traps and often consciously because that’s what everyone does and blah blah blah. It is boring to me, pointless, flat and dull.

I am also quite tired of discussing it, debating it, going over it like a wound that will never heal and I know it won’t until I stop picking at it and just Forget it is there. It wants to be forgotten too I think. It doesn’t want to be a reminder either. We all want peace and that’s as simple as that. I am not driven to save the world, I am not in a chase after recognition or validation or approval. It gives no value to my life at all. I want don’t need any of that. What I want is just be, observe, be present with my surroundings and write my reflections on what I see, feel and think. I don’t want to make an impact or earn a lot of money or worry about things like school and politics and society in general. Island is my favourite type of land for dwelling where I literally feel cut off and unreachable by anyone or anything. I want to be felt like I am far away or not even existing. I want to be in that sort of hiding and not be interrupted by life as others know it or think it should be. I want little, hardly anything.

Frustration grows in me with this life. I am pushed and pulled and demanded upon and I do love my boys and I am lucky as they understand my need for being, just being with not needing to attach to anything. I do like looking after them but often I don’t want to and that’s ok. We all get it and I am grateful for that.

Darkness receding

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Don’t you love the return of the light or do you prefer the warmth of the dark, comfy burrow that sustained you and your spark during winter? I love winter and its creative fire that it always brings with it. My energy is high, my intuition is sharp and my productivity flows seamlessly, as if it is meant to be that way. I have always loved the feeling of being contained, warm and nourished by the darkness and embraced its gifts.

I am opening up to light in the last week or so, curious about what it might bring. New beginnings on the horizon again, new growth, new stretching into actions, planting seeds. I also love early spring, its gentle and tentative appearance in a form of small yet vibrant flowers beginning to peep through the soil. I welcome those signs fully. There is something very delicate and innocent about early spring, as it is time of the Maiden. By the end of March she will be in full force with her presence upon the land and life will begin to burst fully in being.

What a fantastically rich winter it has been for me. From November until now I have not stopped in terms of being creative and productive. This period of time has gone very fast for me and I am excited beyond belief at achievements, collaborations and creative projects that have materialised. Beautiful period of time that also felt completely new and different, like life took up a gear and the direction I was going was exciting and way more challenging than before, but so rewarding. My belief in things aligning, divine timing and trusting my own intuitive knowing has strengthened hugely in the last three months, as things that had occurred could not have been made up or prepared for. It flowed just like it was meant to be. I have learnt to trust that flow and also enjoy it fully, to the last ounce. Offerings that feel the most nourishing to the soul, when they come, transform everything around and propel one into doing things seemingly impossible, yet there is this confidence, inner knowing and complete faith in doing something that will bring a warm and nourishing feeling.

Writing is such an activity for me that makes me feel like nothing else does. It is rich, delicious, warm, satisfying, all consuming. It is that one thing that when I I do it I don’t think of anything or anyone else. Time and space disappears. I have been learning so much.

My devotional to the land in a poetry chapbook came out last week SOUL LAND and it felt very containing, summarising somewhat, having put it all together it is a cosy feeling of achievement and most importantly self-expression that meant the world to me. I hope more people enjoy my spiritual/transpersonal love letter to the land and resonate with its contents. If you love Scotland, feel deeply connected to the land (any land), see nature as an integral part of our soul and enjoy raw and emotional words, the chapbook is for you.

Here I am, this morning sitting in my writing office, thinking of the next project and letting my intuition guide me. I have two new ideas in the pipeline, which I made a start on, but there is no rush, particularly during the next couple of weeks when we are called to be with ourselves before we are called into action again towards the Equinox.

If anybody interested in hearing about my experience on self-publishing vs traditional publishing, let me know in the comments. This year I am trying both ways and so far, I am more of a traditional publishing person (currently under contract with Moon Books) for sure. Self-publishing is a complex, expensive and not an easy option, but it is very individual. See what works for you. I will post some more updates on both types of publishing.

Enjoy the New Moon and let things come up to the surface gently. Observe the dreams, as we come out of the dark moon lighting into illumination of all things in a week or so.

Much love and many blessings!

Raw Nature Spirit

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Image: Scotland in winter