Relationships – another challenge

relationship break up

What’s popped into my awareness this morning post various nightmarish travels overnight is the vibration of a relationship break-up. There is betrayal, abuse, blackmail, manipulation vibrations all mixed into the message that has come through and it relates to what we need to face next year. This past year has been a difficult one in terms of relationships of all kinds. It has been tense, destructive, ugly at times to the point of no return and the reason it has been coming up quite so strongly is to challenge the ways that we have gone about being in relationships up until now. I feel the test, the challenge is closely related to our vibration of pretending everything is fine when something deep within had been telling us it is not. We do this out of fear, not feeling safe in any dynamic different to where we are, but paradoxically keeping ourselves in a place where it is potentially even more unsafe long-term.

Therefore, what next year and this next cycle is asking of us is to sit with the discomfort of the truth about many of our relationships. Face it head on and bring up honestly into the open about whether they are actually working for us. With the next cycle, new moon in place we have a chance to envisage and plant a seed for a relationship that we do want and start working/manifesting/changing either the one we have, doing some reparation/replanting work or a complete renewal brought through awareness and honesty with ourselves and others.

The most important dynamic and a relationship, of course, that we are asked to look at and revisit next year is the relationship with ourselves. Where do we fail and what do we exceed at? Honestly unpicking and looking at each of our own qualities in detail we can find ways of smoothing rough edges or, perhaps, understanding where we don’t always serve ourselves and others and embrace our true gifts, our beautiful qualities, which can be amplified even more with an aim to benefit many around us and feed our soul.

Ready for another ride? Relationships are the hardest to be in, manifest and cultivate things that we experience here in this reality. We grow through relationships, we get to know ourselves through relationships, we live, love and get exposed through them. It is one of the main functions here on earth. It is not going to be easy, but if we don’t attend to our relationship dynamics we risk to be stuck in a vibration of dishonesty, disappointment and eventually resentment.

Many blessings!

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Healing Earth

Today I took my sobbing heart to dig some earth
With each forward motion I felt my pain release into her rich and warm body
I played and felt and digged and squashed the black softness of her flesh in my hands
I caught myself smiling as I lifted some carrots off the earth bed and like orange lanterns they shone bright straight into my heart
The smell of nourishment entered my senses
I bowed all the way touching her in gratitude to the release of pain
As I was leaving my heart weighed less with sorrow and more with content

Understanding sacrifice 

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I have rejected the idea of self-sacrifice especially after my being got fragmented post stepping into motherhood, which now is clear only came from a point of not fully understanding its meaning and purpose. It always felt like ‘what about me’? The position of a wounded part within, which always felt unseen and unheard, the part, which felt her needs were ignored and not met. Limited perspective.

It has recently grown into a wider understanding through looking at my mother’s life. I find it’s always valuable to look outwards for examples of self-sacrifice and what that shows and teaches us. There’s one crucial key to self-sacrifice and that is a firm personal choice and from there what follows is meaning making. They go together to be more precise.
On the surface it looks like she completely sacrificed her life for her husband and kids. It often begged a question ‘but what about her’. I am sure she asked that enough times herself in moments of despair and uncertainty, however, she always remained firm in her choice to self-sacrifice. We might ask why? And the answer is for the greater good, for better outcome all around, for happiness on a wider scale, which she could contribute to. It is her contribution to the wider good and her choice in sacrificing if necessary that carried her through life and, guess what, she remained happy throughout. It is from seeing others happy and content she drew her own happiness and contentment. That always remained her personal choice and one might even say her life purpose.

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New year new altar 


Today I am clearing spaces, putting things away and changing things round in every room. I love this ritual of renewal and when better than in January.

I have been waiting for this energy with anticipation and excitement after a densely packed and quite unpleasant and suffocating month of December. I have become aware there is a pattern of a certain vibration that shows up every year towards the end of the year. More to learn, unpack and transform. Great learning.

My lovely Yule altar, which I wanted to be simple and effective this year with colours of red and white, served well during dark times. I love Yule. Now it’s time for a change. I am ready. Everything that’s been is now gone and it feels good. There’s only today and a possibility of tomorrow.

January is an active, inspirational and creative time for me usually. I enjoy it usually and throw myself into work, projects being very focused, motivated and organised. This, I feel, is present again this year, but along with the ‘doing’ I am also including the ‘being’ vibration. Peaceful and soothing, soft and gentle, restful and meditative. Therefore for this time in-between now and Imbolc on the 2nd February my altar goes to my sort of ‘default’ presentation of peace and tranquility, Buddha like space which I love so very much. Colours are purple and white and the feeling is love, light and peace. 

My intention is to go out there and grab life and do lots of exciting things, create beautiful musings and engage in writing and learning as much as I can, but also give myself space and time to be still, present, focused within and at peace with myself and the world.
Blessings!

How love heals…

  
How love heals 

Through the body, senses and heart space love heals

As he lays his head on her trembling chest she melts into the knowing of peace, calm and softness 

Her sobs subside under the grounding energy of him 

Her love ripples out as she receives love 

the flow begins from one heart to another

They lay in unison of their connection 

Deep, solid, ever lasting 

As he lays his head on her chest 

They join in union of sacred love 

~ Raw Pagan 

 

 

Ode to the Land 

 
In my dreams you visit me like a deep soulful cry from within

You touch my senses as I sit in solitude in the forest

Water takes me straight to the expansive lochs of your bosom
You contain and penetrate the essence of me

I weep, I run, I stop, I listen to the call that links my soul to thee

My breathing holds its flow as I hear your name and suddenly I am transformed into the old Cailleagh walking the hills and mountains with deer by my side
The smell of pit, bog, pine and vibrant heather feels like blood in my veins, warm and homely

The air in you is essential to my survival

My feet are deeply rooted in your landscape and my heart beats with every changing season. I wish to walk it till the end of time, till it’s my time to have my bones scattered amidst your beauty