On writing

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We have lived in a construct, label-based, boxed-in reality, which is based on dualities, contrasts, limited choices based on ‘either this or that’, needing and having to influence others to agree with what we believe is the truth. Let me tell you something. None of it matters, it is just a story that had been created, told and designed to enslave and control, since the creation of ‘humanity’. We all fell for it, we all were born into it whether we had a choice or not. By the age of five most of us would have lost, rejected, supressed or moved away from what we intrinsically knew was true and unique for us. The price of conditioning into a programme has been high for us all with no fail, generation after generation. This has been applied to every aspect of human life. Writing is no exception.

You would have seen, heard, read and experienced the idea of writing needing to be an act of suffering, sacrifice, deep emotional pain. People approached it from that point for a long time with many deciding to check out through ending their lives, as the belief of ‘unless you do it this way, it is no good and you are not worth anything’. You all read things like, which are still circulating everywhere today ‘the first draft is shit’, ‘unless you go through the bad stage of struggle, you will never produce anything worthwhile and good’. Nonsense! Have you ever written poetry or anything just using your intuition, or experienced something that writes itself through you effortlessly and in a state of flow. That feels easy, soft, beautiful and very true to our hearts. Forms that come out perfectly on the paper with no need to word count, time watching or anything else. It is true creative flow. The way one writes cannot be separated from the way one lives. If that is so ask yourself a question ‘How do I live my life?’ How do I value myself, my time, what gives me meaning, etc. The list of questions is endless and can be attended to consciously and continuously if things are called for change.

One thing that we must understand is this. There is absolutely nothing bad in an expression, nothing. We cannot continue labelling our writing as good or bad. It is not this or that. It just IS. Whatever is being expressed by an individual cannot simply be labelled bad. We do it to ourselves fearing that if we don’t others will. Detach from what is a label, construct that one must struggle to create something good. It is just an illusion. All that matters is an experience of writing, an experience of a creative expression and, therefore, life itself. When you create you tap into life literary, therefore it can never be bad. How can it be bad? Labels are an intrinsic part of the programme that somehow values and focuses lack, unworthiness, suffering on purpose almost and so on. Sounds like we all have a choice, the thing is we always had a choice even though we didn’t think we did and, perhaps, as children we don’t have depending on the family we came into, but as adults we certainly do have a choice and a right to change things to what feels good to us. Writing is a unique expression, just like paining, playing music, crafting or anything that requires a different type of flow to how we are told the flow should be. There are no should or musts. All you have to do is recognise that this way of writing is what prevents the flow in the first place, what stops from your own voice being heard and blocks enjoyment of the whole process. Drop it all, create an anomaly in life and in your writing and go with that with deep belief that anything is possible when expressed without having to attach to labels, external opinions or anything else that creates a friction within us when we do it. We all felt that often.

What if we saw it for what it is…

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Mental health issues are the result of the affliction of the soul, my belief still stands to this day, something I always knew since birth. For how long the lack of soul diving can sustain itself? It can live in suffering for a life-time, but then it is not a life, it is a compliance with what is structured and enforced, no more and no less. To me going against your soul is a crime, perhaps, the only real crime in this life-time. When going against your will and soul’s calling repeatedly a multitude of mental health problems occur. The good news, it can be changed once awareness is brought forward continuously, daily, with unwavering degree of dedication and commitment. It is an excavation work with of the highest order.

Imagine we as divine and unique beings that came here to manifest our gifts and express our essence instead got hijacked, plugged in and fed through a tube of enforced ideas and believes. Imagine we were given a life-script, which resembled almost word-by-word all the other scripts ever invented. Oh wait, there is only one script for all. We don’t need to imagine, do we? We comply and comply and try to implement a plan designed via this universally accepted script yet many fail and not just that but through trying so hard to cope with our own compliance our mental and physical health collapses, for some slowly for others quickly and dramatically. It is very simple and clear why that occurs, so you see?

We are not designed to be put in a box of what doesn’t feel good. In fact feelings are bad and simply of no significance or use and just nonsense according to this script, so forget feelings and just follow the script and that will be your life. Who are you to argue there’s something else out there? How dare you to consider anything else? What do you want to know yourself for when it is all laid out in front of you?

Issues arise when through suppression of our nature, urge, desire of the heart, creativity, freedom to speak and choose, living in a construct that suffocates most of us happen and it has been happening since the beginning of time. What if we fed our souls instead, what if we saw the truth of existence and the purpose of self-expression through life? All we need is to see, really see it all for what it is. There’s nothing to fear as your inner power had always outweighed any other power million times over. See into the external as if it was a film playing on the screen. How many times you’ve seen it before? Why is it on a loop? Try switching it off and tune into your inner story. There, that is new, interesting, vibrant waiting to be told. Extract the voice from within no matter what it takes as long as you hear it again after all this time. Tell your own original story to yourself quietly and savour every word. Let it come alive through words you speak and rejoice in its own narrative. How and why we forgot it? We know how and why; now we can see. We all fell for it as our parents did and their parents before them. We kept on falling until our knees didn’t bleed anymore, until there was no signs of any fall at all; out falling became automatic and invisible. ‘Just the way it is, just the way it is’, you hear parents say to a child when they ask a question why? Remember those whys and don’t want tos? We all heard in reply ‘because I said so, because it is just how it is, just something we always did and all we know’. Do you see the repetition in the cycle of deafness and blindness to our inner and giving out to the outer every time? We expect to be told what is what just like watching TV for instructors from government. Ask yourself who and what is government? The answer is staring us all in the face and always have done. We are a herd following the words of the so-called leaders, who are no more aware than we are. We are all just going in circles, afraid to get off the runaway train in case we fall and that time will notice the grazes, the blood. It is the blood that’s needed, a life released through feeling the pain accumulated within. All of us highly functioning individuals on depression and anxiety with coping mechanics so ingrained that we don’t think about it. We carry on regardless when all the time our souls scream in this hell that has been created for us and lured us in like blind into a place of suppressive deafness and mute submission.

What happens to all suppressed material it gets accumulated in our psyches like thick stagnated matter. It brews into dark manifestations and penetrates the unconscious; both collective and individual. What was once gifts turns into ‘demons’ we begin to see as enemies; something we need to go to war with. They erupt in violence, unspeakable acts against others and ourselves and others one by one join us in the war against our own goodness, our own awareness wanting to be known. We lose, we get even sicker, even madder, even more broken and so it goes on with more children born into this script, into this story of life that is death, devoid of soul speaking through us, into silence of what is to come.

Rise up from within, at least try. There is everything to gain if life is to feel content, balanced and our hearts soft and simply okay with whatever is here for us. We don’t surrender to external once we see it for what it is. It is follow and empty, it is grey and pointless. Why would we give any of our essence to that?

Daytime dreaming

Daytime dreaming is a space of clarity. Without realising I have been using it as a way of stopping thoughts and entering a place where answers could be heard. Different from nighttime dreaming. Shorter bursts of dropping into sleep is an important factor. One question – one answer. I needed that.

Detach, unhook, untie, put a distance between what pulls you, remain, hold on to a silent part of you, quietude, muted state or not engagement. In that there is freedom, rest, peace.

My own reflection looked back at me from an old photograph and I recognised the exact one it was. I felt its texture, I knew it’s colours. Myself, as of observing from outside of my body. It was in the eyes that I held the gaze, just held it. Nothing else was needed. Pause, resist the pull, take that breath but don’t give it away, keep it for your own body, relish it like food that you need. Silence is everything, it is where sacred and simple both reside. All that’s needed is your body, the rest is known if only you resist reaction audible, if only your words are not released.

Daytime rest feels needed to receive short bursts of insight. Profound as its nighttime companion yet more precise.

Try it for yourself and apply to what’s needed for you right now, today. It does relate to the collective need but you take care of you own manifesting, the only way to make a difference. This detachment will cleanse the vibration for your physical, emotional and spirit-you, which in turn will make forward flying easier. Relish the quietude in every way.

Inner silence

Silence is a state where things do happen, but it is subtle. It appears in a natural order and flow of external and internal. It is not the absence of things, it is a different experience and a feeling of everything around.

Most of us know how pleasant silence can feel on outside. It is relaxing, soothing and spacious. We notice the silence around us especially when we seek it and our bodies welcome it. But external silence is useless if there’s an absence of silence within. To become silent from within is a real skill. It requires practice. When one masters internal silence and, by mastering I mean being able to come back to it over and over, not just experiencing it once, that’s where true pleasure and bliss is. Something I have been discovering over the years. When I am silent on the inside everything on outside slows down and softens. Triggers, hooks and reactions get muted somehow. They still happen but there is no noise or longevity to any of it. That state is truly and genuinely blissful. Body is relaxed in a real sense through the physical, not through mental visualisation of relaxation.

One of the first things I practiced when started exploring inner silence was to remain silent when on outside there was a situation that would ordinarily provoke a reaction or had a potential to trigger an emotion. I practiced not reacting and remaining silent and there it began to happen, the softening, the flow, the non-attachment. It felt freeing and like something new was entering my experience. It felt healing, delicate and utterly compassionate to myself and others. Inner silence is neutralising to any outside turmoil, external wars that we are presented with all the time in life. Furthermore, it appeared to neutralise my own historical wounds that would normally open and start to hurt. Instead it felt balm-like, a gentle stroke or a silky, most delicate feeling of pacifying everything. It didn’t feel false or forced, avoidant or resistant. Everything just was as it was only with the inner silence I remained intact and so did the world around me.

I have been on a life-long journey towards inner peace. Since I was a small child I knew that’s what was missing not just in me but in everyone around me. It’s no surprise for anyone with this physical reality and all we go through and finding peace amidst it all felt important. Remaining silent, taking a sacred pause was something that worked compared to all other methods that I now know came from a mental-state involvement. We simply can’t think ourselves peaceful. It has to be on a feeling level, on a physical body level, on a level that allows a different space to open up. We all have that space within but finding it takes a long time and it is so worth it when one does.

I am looking to further my experience and practice of inner silence and wonder what else can lead there. It needs and wants to be practiced on a collective level almost due to how it feels and effect it has on everything. I invite you to try finding your way of finding inner silence and truly feel it.

Signature for 2020

It has been a challenging year and at times provided no mercy or protection at all in terms of emotional, cognitive, phisycal or spiritual understanding or being with. Some structures fell apart right in front of us without giving any clues of how to get through the disappearance of some realities that had been constructed over many years. Emptiness, but in a very painful way rather than a soothing comfort, came into contact with the world we live in and again a sense of hopelessness was present during many months this year.

We are walking into 2020 with our shadow material right in front of us and it will not be a pleasant or joy filled experience. Shadow work is powerful but always hard. However resisting it is not the answer. To make it easier we must surrender. There’s no longer any hiding places. Things that we thought we had dealt with or forgotten many years ago will rear its head and slap us in the face. For some it has already started. It will feel distabilising in a way like never before. It will confuse everything we think we know. Mind will start desperately making sense of it all giving us the worst feeling and disconnecting from the body. Be mindful of not falling into traps of trying to rescue or soothe yourself in ways that are not beneficial like drugs and alcohol, e.g. Share with as many people as you can what you are going through. As this is collective you will find others inviting you in and sharing back. This is the area that will remain hopeful. Know to use it.

Self-care will be crucial if we are to stay somewhat grounded in order to deal with our ‘demons’. It will not be easy, but will be worth it as we will really have to put ourselves first and give all our parts compassion and space in which to cry, rage and transform. Patience will be needed and an ability to stay contained. Tough times. We will be faced with Shadow work like never before inviting us to accept it all completely. There will be no choice given following up on this year’s manifestations and some of us are not good with having no choice, myself included.

Spiritual will be harder to access or practice in a way that we are used to. This is due to a close connection of spiritual and earthly so both will come into question. Elements will quieten down and also will be harder to involve. A theme of silence and emptiness will continue. This will be more challenging than every before.

We will be asked to define meaning for all areas of our lives in fine detail. In that we are asked to be more focused, more productive and intentional in everything we do. The world requires order, which is not devoid of meaning. The one that will provide a solid foundation for years to come. We will also be asked to redefine security, safety for us personally and as an overall vibration.

Following on from this year things will be falling away and apart in preparation for a new foundation. Clearing space will manifest in work, personal life, beliefs and patterns. In itself this is a good thing although the way it will come about will be painful as many still struggle to let go. The focus will go further down into our past, places we never wanted to see again. The soil/foundation will need to be richer and cleaner than ever before, so a radical removal is required and furthermore, fertilisation in a way like never before, steady, patient and taking time. It will be slow. The process starting next year will go on for a while, I feel, and we will need to get used to it in a way of participating in it rather than resisting it as this is just the beginning of the next cycle.

Shadows at dawn

The pull of a new calendar year is strong, as if something in me can’t wait for a clean sheet of paper to start writing another story. It yarns for the taste of spring, for fresh changes. This is very much in the collective at this time of year and I do have some resistance to being caught up in the collective yearly pattern, as I know there isn’t a need to be in that place, yet here I am. Have you noticed how pictures of bluebells begin to pop up here and there around this time? People post them everywhere. It pulls us out of here and now in an instant and we begin to wonder.

Anger is often present for me during this month, which is one of those months I wait to be done with. The cycle of holidays every year and all that comes with it brings a lot of ‘don’t want to be part of it’ feelings. It is quite uncomfortable with a bitter taste that needs to digest and integrate before a new something is seen and experienced. I guess what I refer to is some shadow elements of the psyche is brewing on the surface of my unconscious and, yes, I do recognise it. It needs expression, but also containment. It is angry, expressive, violence-like, impulsive. It needs attention and love, but it doesn’t mean it is a nice picture to look at. It is often not and it can be loud especially in dreams when I know how to parcify it during waking hours.

Very similar in nature if you notice in certain places, like the one I just came from, e.g. everything was grey and not just in a way of rainy skies, but the whole atmosphere was covered with colour grey, dull and feeling like it’s not enjoying it. I describe this energetically, but visually it looks like a wet, old rag, for example, that can do with a bit of whiteness injected or a dirty water that’s stagnated. It needs renewing, refreshing.

If I was to describe it as a feeling in the body that would be stress, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, ‘bags under eyes’ type of presentation. It is a sort of wanting to rest yet being restless as monsters are moving within in the dark, under the ground.

I know the ‘beast’ very well although I haven’t seen it or heard for sometime. With me the triggers are stress and being stretched or asked to do things I don’t want to do. These have been running for years. During this time I also pick it up from others easily and that overwhelms me a great deal. December is like the remains of something, like the last residue of some unpleasant drink or wet ashes post fire.

This year has all been about doing things differently and the above patterns have also run their course. Enough is enough I’d say. There’s got to be another way of expressing shadow material so that it doesn’t just have its needs’s met and go back into a state of being parcified, but it has a chance to transform into or balance with the opposing force. Something is needed immediately as these things arise. More transforming and less keeping in awareness I’d say. I will give it a go next.

Happy 2019! Let it offer more explorations and awareness. Further success and achievements, more joy and satisfaction.