The discomfort of being comfortable

Human nature is such that seemingly it is never satisfied yet it is satisfaction and fulfilment we seek. Granted, often in wrong places we look for things to make us feel ‘comfortable’. That is unconscious avoidance and most of the time we all have elements

of unconscious avoidance in our quest for comfort. We’ve all been there.

When awareness is applied eventually or finally, it seems we realise the degree of our discomfort and seek ways to become comfortable on what appears real way. Getting ‘comfortable’ in a conscious way links to doing what we love without applying any damage to ourselves or others. It’s got to benefit the overall life we lead. But what happens when we have done that?

I experienced it this year when I sat in a space of ‘I’ve done it’ what else is there? I slowly after a period of awareness of what true comfort is began to waver seeking way to disrupt that feeling, again consciously and unconscious elements started popping up. Dissociating from where I am, seeking tasks I haven’t really wanted to do and what it brought is a realisation of that human nature factor that we need a degree of discomfort to know we are comfortable. It is ebb and flow of life, ups and downs that are needed to know right from wrong and dark from light. The overarching lesson is acceptance of what is here and now and not seeking to escape purposefully into either comfort or discomfort and allowing whatever comes arrive at our door.

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The meaning of life is…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some questions are easy to answer and other questions have no answer only an exploration of possibilities and improve abilities. What about a meaning of life? For many the answer will be certain and definite and for some the question will never be answered fully or the answer will change as life evolves. Life is about meaning making whether we are aware of its doing or not. Unconscious or conscious we go through life performing tasks and engaging in dynamics that are either meaningful to us or have no identifying factor of meaning included in the experience.

What is the meaning of life? Like everyone I have pondered upon the question and the closest answer I have come up with for me is that the meaning of life is life itself. It is the very act of living that creates meaning day-to-day. It is in finding what brings your heart and soul joy and then living through those experiences effecting yourself and others around you. Surely it’s got to come from the heart, so to speak, a place where one is truly content with what is in their life be it family, work, books, art or the natural world and al the things include in those categories, feelings, thoughts, dreams, goals. Expression of meaning can come through various undertakings throughout a lifespan and it is unique for everyone.

What is the meaning of life for you?

A trip that freed me

Here are some pictures from my trip to Perthshire, Scottish Highlands this past October just before Samhain. This was a long anticipated trip, not because it haven’t been before, I have, but because I made it there on my own after talking and planning for years. I finally did it and something in me changed forever now, solidified in knowing this is it. This is the place I first came years ago and where my love affair and deep spiritual connection with the land began. The trip that I took was a journey down memory lane and my love is just as strong, if not stronger. It was an absolutely perfect end to a wonderful year where all the through I have been committed to doing things differently  and have succeeded. Enjoy Scotland pics in Autumn.

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‘Noticing’ as a path to true living

When my child says something is beautiful be it a scenery, painting, a person’s face or an experience it goes right to my heart. It is a felt experience for me to hear and know that he’s noticed something that truly touched him. I learn from my son the art of appreciating what is in the moment and banking those moments into a bundle that is a life truly lived.

When we notice, we are present, we are in a felt experience of what is going through us and touching us as a living being energy. The more detail we notice in something or someone the deeper we go into the moment of being present with what is now, what is alive and speaking to us.

To me hearing my son express his delight in what he observes represents a true living rather than a passing energy of existing in a chain of life events, day to day, week to week. It tells me something is always worth noticing, examining, learning no matter how small. It speaks to me of a quality of always wondering what the next day, trip, touch and experience might bring. It is remaining curious and fully in life at all times. It is, to me, is beautiful, and who is better to connect us to that way of being than children, whose light shines through unapologetically and if it’s expression is allowed to be authentic at all times then we benefit from that more so through connecting not just to a real experience of knowing our children, but also re-connecting to our own inner child, which often gets forgotten as we get old.

On meditation

I have had a reflective Sunday today on the subject of meditation. I felt I just could not let it pass without doing one and it was a good and interesting experience. I am a strong believer in everything coming at the right time and today aligned intuitively with meditation subject, which also turned into some intuitive healing spell work, which I had sensed was on the cards last night. It took me on a long journey through very beautiful chakra colours. I had a meeting with the elements and crystals were pointed out in a way of integrating energies. Flowing, simple, incredibly soothing and perfectly aligned.

People talk about how meditation changes lives, removes fears and blocks, rids us of frustration and anxiety and so on. I wonder how interesting it is that by going within, which is essentially what meditation does, things become better. Why haven’t we always been going within, which would make the most sense to turn inwards for answers. It speaks loudly about our collective avoidance of ourselves, devaluing of our own resources and qualities. If it is a tool to know ourselves better. If that’s the case why doesn’t everyone do it?

External has dominated so many aspects of our lives for so long, concepts made up by men, rules of the society, ideas based on social conformity and abandonment of self, there is no wonder. It is incredible to think that we would turn away from the gold that lies ready and available within ourselves for the things that shine on outside, but have no depth or real value. It makes me very sad to think about it that way.

Meditation is going within, observing and honouring that breath that keeps us alive at all times. It is, indeed, powerful to notice our thoughts and patterns in which they come and go and most importantly where they go. We also notice how most of us don’t breathe, forget to breathe. We hold it, which creates all sorts of restrictions, blocks and anxieties within our bodies. We find sitting still difficult just as we find being alone difficult without external stimulation. Instead we aim to avoid and shut down. It is curious to imagine that it is easier to be without yourself than to be with yourself.

Meditation is a wide term for what your relationship is with yourself, it seems. We all can find our own way of meditating, practicing stillness and awareness. For me, it seems, meditation is just that being with myself as I am and where I am. Just there, present with all there is. Meditation can be done any time anywhere, as we speak, walk, sleep and sit with another. It is not just one way of relating to yourself, it is unique to each. For many years I was unable to meditate, afraid of what I would find within. That’s just it, it is that fear I referred to earlier of being with and avoiding is much more habitual. I suspect it is similar to many. I remember wanting to cry every time I sit in meditation, which was hard, so I would abandon and distract myself with other things rather than paying attention to what was asking me to be present. I also at times had some powerful meditations, which left me in wonder and distress at the same time. There was too much within for my external self, adapted self to hold. Just think about that. We are proficient in being in our adapted selves positions yet our true self is hard to relate to. After years of therapy I am able to meditate and really understand what it means for me and what it does for me. It is once again an inclusion of the whole self just as it is, true and adapted, positive and negative, wounded and healed. As practice develops one becomes more curious, more at ease with experiences, feelings and lessons that come through sitting with oneself and in time it becomes soothing, comforting and full of wisdom. That wisdom that lies within each and every one of us is open and available if only we allow ourselves to go there and become aligned with what we were always meant to be.

Many blessings!

In waiting…

Feel unrooted, between places, between worlds. A sense of keen belonging is yet to land, for now I feel suspended in anticipation. Can’t say I like it.

Uncertainty, expectation, increased longing for what I don’t know yet. Feeling without a home is not a pleasant one. I have one yet out there there’s another one that sticks itself into my skin like a thorn every year. I am faced with a choice, on one hand wanting to abandon my current position but yet to attach to another. I feel ungrounded and in that space I do lose myself a little. Restlessness within is not a smooth flow but rather jagged projection on to everything and everyone. There is also an element of not being in control and that’s unsettling too. Waiting is another vibration that can present challenges. Waiting for what? Knowing I am waiting for something but what I don’t know and in that waiting I detach from one but yet to attach to that unknown and will I want to? Like losing ground from under my feet without knowing if whatever it is I am waiting for would catch up. Patience in that state becomes difficult and impatience sats in, which again manifests in rough outbursts of emotions and cold energy projection. It can be a dark place to be even amidst the sunshine, it is also lonely as difficult to convey the feeling that goes with it. I find myself wishing the sun away and wanting rain but it doesn’t feel rational or logical or even intuitively right. Confusing, searching, lost…

I recognise that every year this occurs as I prepare to leave my home in search of a home yet to be.

Summer and patience

What is patience? It is allowing. When things are being as they are we stand in observance of what is. I find it deeply healing, humbling and liberating when there is no fight against what one thinks should be because there’s a discomfort present. Where there is no resistance a space opens up for observing what is being and living in that moment. Summer is a hot season, of course, it is, that’s the nature of things and when it is hot in summer things are aligning to the vibration of what summer means. It is not cold or raining all the time, although it is sometimes, it is simply being what it is.

I have experienced a high degree of tolerance towards summer this year. It happened due to conscious effort not wanting things to be something else and me desperately wanting to change it. That never works. This can be applied to so many aspects of growth and healing when we drop resistance and allow things into being there’s a release of freedom of attachment to what we think should be in order for us to be soothed. There’s a lot to be said for being uncomfortable, however if one fights it actively it will always persist and increase in its intensity.

I stood back or rather decided to travel alongside summer this year and observe everything there’s to witness about the season rather than shutting myself off from the experience and waiting for it to be over. Such a waste. By being present with summer I noticed how present I have been with everything else and everyone around me, every day, every week, every event and moment shared with those in my life. The value of everyday presence overtook my resistance and dislike of summer. I found I didn’t want to complain or participate in the fight within, which had previously been there always. Instead I lived each day and found a lot of positive aspects in the season.

I have been patient and allowing with myself and the summer to be what we are meant to be, living, moving, flowing and grateful for experiences granted.

It is not wanting to cut off a part of the whole, which can be applied to the seasonal wheel of the year, as well as parts of ourselves. We will always have preferences for certain seasons and aspects and ways of being and that is not to say that lessons and joy can’t be found in less preferable places, in fact, those aspects that we mostly resistant to carry some of the most vital and profound teachings.

Patience is a beautiful way of being in a state of non-judgement, slow flowing with energies just as they are and allowing expression of all that is necessary. It is acceptance and a silent stance of holding a space.