Inner silence

Silence is a state where things do happen, but it is subtle. It appears in a natural order and flow of external and internal. It is not the absence of things, it is a different experience and a feeling of everything around.

Most of us know how pleasant silence can feel on outside. It is relaxing, soothing and spacious. We notice the silence around us especially when we seek it and our bodies welcome it. But external silence is useless if there’s an absence of silence within. To become silent from within is a real skill. It requires practice. When one masters internal silence and, by mastering I mean being able to come back to it over and over, not just experiencing it once, that’s where true pleasure and bliss is. Something I have been discovering over the years. When I am silent on the inside everything on outside slows down and softens. Triggers, hooks and reactions get muted somehow. They still happen but there is no noise or longevity to any of it. That state is truly and genuinely blissful. Body is relaxed in a real sense through the physical, not through mental visualisation of relaxation.

One of the first things I practiced when started exploring inner silence was to remain silent when on outside there was a situation that would ordinarily provoke a reaction or had a potential to trigger an emotion. I practiced not reacting and remaining silent and there it began to happen, the softening, the flow, the non-attachment. It felt freeing and like something new was entering my experience. It felt healing, delicate and utterly compassionate to myself and others. Inner silence is neutralising to any outside turmoil, external wars that we are presented with all the time in life. Furthermore, it appeared to neutralise my own historical wounds that would normally open and start to hurt. Instead it felt balm-like, a gentle stroke or a silky, most delicate feeling of pacifying everything. It didn’t feel false or forced, avoidant or resistant. Everything just was as it was only with the inner silence I remained intact and so did the world around me.

I have been on a life-long journey towards inner peace. Since I was a small child I knew that’s what was missing not just in me but in everyone around me. It’s no surprise for anyone with this physical reality and all we go through and finding peace amidst it all felt important. Remaining silent, taking a sacred pause was something that worked compared to all other methods that I now know came from a mental-state involvement. We simply can’t think ourselves peaceful. It has to be on a feeling level, on a physical body level, on a level that allows a different space to open up. We all have that space within but finding it takes a long time and it is so worth it when one does.

I am looking to further my experience and practice of inner silence and wonder what else can lead there. It needs and wants to be practiced on a collective level almost due to how it feels and effect it has on everything. I invite you to try finding your way of finding inner silence and truly feel it.

Isle of Mull whispers

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Isle of Mull, Scotland 2017

Outlines of Duart castle drew me in with its mossy and slate colours and ancient architecture. Like a hand of times long gone it stretched out to me across water standing in the rain on a ferry. Greens, pale blues and grey surround my senses and my heart leaps towards the land at a distance. I smell pines as I step off the ferry and quiet, oh so quiet. A bird tweets, invisible, and I catch the sound as a welcome home. My feet plant comfortably into the soil and I feel like running towards the forest, sea and be swallowed up by thundery sky overhead. I love the rain here. I barely notice it.

I know the place I want to go to, near Loch Don, not far, a piece of paradise silenced into simple yet magical beauty. A white cottage on a hill with deer surrounding it curiously poking their heads from behind its worn walls. Roses in the garden covered in glistening drops nicely quenched. I take my shoes off and walk towards the garden fence. Silence goes through me and I feel like flying. Next I want to melt into the place and become a stone, a blade of grass or a shell lying on a loch’s shore. Nowhere else I feel more a part of something beyond myself and deeply grounded in my own body. Here I remember who I am. That question gets answered every time the island calls and every time is like the first time I find myself again. It scares me how quickly I get lost when apart from this soul land and every time when it takes me back in I am born again. The process is both painful and ecstatic, distorted and transformational. It can be tiring too yet I wouldn’t change any of it. Wind’s gentle breath brushes my cheek and I inhale deeply the clean air from the land’s lungs. I fear to lose it, not to be part of it always, but I know that I find home here every time and that is hopeful, sweet, ‘balsam to a wound like’.

The house was to be sold and I am here to either say good bye to it or possess it for eternity…

~~~~~~~~

This came to me this morning just before Yule and I am so glad of it. There’s a promise in my vision.

Don’t forget to pay attention to your visions and intuitive glimpses during this beautiful time of darkness.

Signature for 2020

It has been a challenging year and at times provided no mercy or protection at all in terms of emotional, cognitive, phisycal or spiritual understanding or being with. Some structures fell apart right in front of us without giving any clues of how to get through the disappearance of some realities that had been constructed over many years. Emptiness, but in a very painful way rather than a soothing comfort, came into contact with the world we live in and again a sense of hopelessness was present during many months this year.

We are walking into 2020 with our shadow material right in front of us and it will not be a pleasant or joy filled experience. Shadow work is powerful but always hard. However resisting it is not the answer. To make it easier we must surrender. There’s no longer any hiding places. Things that we thought we had dealt with or forgotten many years ago will rear its head and slap us in the face. For some it has already started. It will feel distabilising in a way like never before. It will confuse everything we think we know. Mind will start desperately making sense of it all giving us the worst feeling and disconnecting from the body. Be mindful of not falling into traps of trying to rescue or soothe yourself in ways that are not beneficial like drugs and alcohol, e.g. Share with as many people as you can what you are going through. As this is collective you will find others inviting you in and sharing back. This is the area that will remain hopeful. Know to use it.

Self-care will be crucial if we are to stay somewhat grounded in order to deal with our ‘demons’. It will not be easy, but will be worth it as we will really have to put ourselves first and give all our parts compassion and space in which to cry, rage and transform. Patience will be needed and an ability to stay contained. Tough times. We will be faced with Shadow work like never before inviting us to accept it all completely. There will be no choice given following up on this year’s manifestations and some of us are not good with having no choice, myself included.

Spiritual will be harder to access or practice in a way that we are used to. This is due to a close connection of spiritual and earthly so both will come into question. Elements will quieten down and also will be harder to involve. A theme of silence and emptiness will continue. This will be more challenging than every before.

We will be asked to define meaning for all areas of our lives in fine detail. In that we are asked to be more focused, more productive and intentional in everything we do. The world requires order, which is not devoid of meaning. The one that will provide a solid foundation for years to come. We will also be asked to redefine security, safety for us personally and as an overall vibration.

Following on from this year things will be falling away and apart in preparation for a new foundation. Clearing space will manifest in work, personal life, beliefs and patterns. In itself this is a good thing although the way it will come about will be painful as many still struggle to let go. The focus will go further down into our past, places we never wanted to see again. The soil/foundation will need to be richer and cleaner than ever before, so a radical removal is required and furthermore, fertilisation in a way like never before, steady, patient and taking time. It will be slow. The process starting next year will go on for a while, I feel, and we will need to get used to it in a way of participating in it rather than resisting it as this is just the beginning of the next cycle.

Landscapes and emotions

The first thing to do when we are overwhelmed is to recognise and acknowledge it’s there. Stop being brave and seek to suppress or control, just step into the chaos. It can be a scary concept and counterintuitive but what if we tried, as fighting it is futile.

We must admit something or someone overwhelms us in a way we are no longer in control. We are being swallowed whole by this force larger than ourselves.

I experience it with nature more and more and with particular landscapes. It has been a useful realisation as I continue on my journey of relationship with nature. Overwhelm in particular places reflect parts of myself that are extremely wild and raw, out of control, even damaging. Very damaging. Like an untameable beast it awakens ready to devour when I am in contact with places remote, derelict and moody. I always fear I won’t come back from it yet unable to stay away until this time I looked it straight in the face and admitted defeat, so to speak.

If some landscapes evoke that energy within me that don’t feel safe, sustainable or ‘in life’, there has to be other lands that tap into a gentler, softer parts that are also there. This is what I’d like to explore for the rest of this year and next. As we approach the end of the year I can already see a particular signature emerging for the collective to explore. Kindness, gentle way of being, softer voice and touch and compassion towards everything around us.

In terms of elements I am craving more earth, more sustainability, connection, rational, solid and secure. Leaving the fire season behind feels soothing to my body and soul and I realise the tiredness of fight and anxiety the wild beast awakens in me. I almost wish to be covered up, all cosy and warm in the Earth under leaves, amidst twigs and moisture of its body. I will go on a search of places that will help me connect with other sides through the body rather than a spiritual understanding of particular landscapes. I need to go in and down rather than up and outwards. In this exploration I would like to find further deeper connections with seasons and elements and what it all means in the overall relationship I continue to cultivate with nature.

The wise one

What if I took a breath and I was there

With eyes closed transported into the heart of you

Green, solid, luxurious

You talk to me through the veins of my heart

Within the blue of my throat lies the truth of my devotion

Do you feel it?

In every second of my life dance I step into your cauldron of wisdom

Teach me more

I am open to multitude of your lessons seeping like nectar into all corners of my being

To be, to rest, to love and surrender

I want to keep on knowing the treasure that is you

Life purpose redefined

Have you tapped into your life purpose via automatic programming or through the call of your soul? Those are two different things entirely.

It occurred to me the other day that stories that we tell ourselves are very often resonate with us because our minds, although useful, are very skilful at tricking us, convincing us that something is true. It is particularly true when a mind is given power over the heart and how we feel, or we by-pass the heart when making a decision or want to know if something is true for us. This is living a life through old patterns and conditions, I.e. ‘what we should be doing’, spoken in a voice not our own.

There’s a subtle energy that, however, remains waiting to be heard and I tapped into that subtlety lately that as soon as I considered an alternative magnified in its true form. This energy is a stirring of your soul, your inner voice wanting to be heard. This is your soul calling.

The times we are in right now are interesting in a way that these subtle energies I speak of are surfacing again and again, like a message in a dream that repeats. All it wants is to catch our attention so we just might change our view on the truth that we have been living.

I have come to be aware of falling into ‘conditioning’ life purpose rather than a soul purpose. It is now so clear, so what is required is a complete redefining how I serve and be here and now. It doesn’t mean everything needs to be thrown out, no, but a fine-tuning and a change in where the truth comes from (soul centre) needs to come forth. Work with me if you are curious to find out for yourself if your life purpose you desire or living is in alignment with what your soul wants. Work with me

Times we are in right now are pure gold in a way of inviting us to transform, showing us that certain patterns no longer work as we keep on bumping into the same blocks, same stuckness over and over. It is time this cycle expired. One way that works solidly is asking yourself, as a practice, every morning ‘what does my soul want, need and ask for’? Begin the flow of each day from a place of your soul and not a pattern of what ‘should be’ or expected of you. See if messages new and refreshing start coming in and change the way you feel.

I found this process of looking at my life purpose from a different perspective so illuminating and encouraging. I feel grateful for his particular insight that feels like a long way coming. Remember one thing – Soul always includes you in the equation and if you have not been including yourself into the whole life purpose habitually over and over that is one sign you might be falling into a trap of a life purpose expected of you rather than what your soul calls you to do. Big difference between the two.

Happy exploration.

Lessons in challenges 2019

Now is a very futile time for psychic material to align with the universal wisdom. This year has been challenging, but what is beginning to transpire that this time round challenges are dressed as opportunities. More than that these opportunities present themselves as a deeper way of working with what we need and want in order to shift and move forward towards thriving. The goal now is to change how things are done on a more meaningful, conscious and intentional level.

You might have been experiencing creation of space or an ‘emptying out’ effect. This is true for me. Emptying in a way that might look like ‘lack’, but actually it is clearing the ground for us as an opportunity to create completely anew. It is challenging us to see whether we fall into our old patterns of thinking through our core believes, defaulting, or going towards needs and wants with clear intentions instead. To notice is the key here.

When you observe your reality right now, what do you notice? Do you feel a certain shift in energy and things around you lately? How does it feel to you? What do you think this shift is asking of you? Remember that whatever happens in the universe at large it always has your best interest at heart. It wants you to grown, thrive and be your best creative self. It wants you to manifest, so it is a positive even though it might feel as negative.

If it does feel bad to you ask yourself what your instant reaction is? Do you see yourself resorting to old ways of trying to bring back what you think you are losing. Any shifts, chellenges or changes are designed to trigger you, but if you are aware of what is being triggered and why (doesn’t matter what triggers you), then you can catch it and resist an automatic reaction that you had always used. Instead stop and be with what is happening.

For example you might experience a decrease in sales in your business or a number of your regular clients dropped to a minimum. One reaction could be fear and panic, which is being triggered and we automaticallly beginning to think of things in a way of ‘surviving’ and then making choices based on what we think will stop us feeling that way. Natural, but there’s another way. Notice how your intentions in such cases come from ‘lack’ rather than what can be possible or in other words, abundance. Another response could be to say it is ok to be where you are. Pause, reflect on whether what you have been doing had been fulfilling to your true heart’s desire. You might be surprised. And if the answer is no, exactly that empty space is offering you an opportunity to create anew and move into your next stage of consciousness with your true needs and wants in check. It is not something you are doing or not doing, none of it relates to your abilities and gifts it is all about applying default, historical patterns of thinking to one situation after another. Time to change the method itself.

It is this month in particular that is so opportune for old stuff ‘exploding’ in our faces, it is a build up of energy (Solstice in nature) that is not often pleasant for everyone. Cycles begin to go back to zero, resetting time, which is an opportunity to create again consciously and with a clear intention. It comes as a tough test to see if we fill this space with stuff that’s coming from fear, position of ‘whatever it takes to feel safe, doesn’t matter what and how’ or will we allow for things to come to us via intuition and awareness, therefore, manifesting what we truly need and want.

Emptiness triggers fear and pulls us back into ‘unsafe’, ‘not enough’, into a survival mode, but what if we looked at emptiness as an opening for creation, a blank canvas where anything is possible.