The feeling of inner peace for me has always been the most unreachable and desirable state I could ever imagine. I simply always knew that it was my deepest desire to be able to taste, feel and introject the signature of what is the ultimate Inner Peace. It always felt like my life has been one big turmoil and unrest within the soul and nothing ever seemed to shift that innate sadness I always felt. Whenever I had come up against challenges, losses, depression, mania, addiction or total abandonment and bitter loneliness I fought my demons from outside in making myself unworthy, making myself disappear in the sea of desperation and hopelessness. I always craved and wished for one day to feel that peace within. I always said that there could not be anything better than a peace of mind, a peace of heart and a peace of my total being. I still stand by that.
Well, it has been a journey and through my life experience I have tasted that what I had desired for so long. I am now able to access that primary positive signature feeling more and more often. How it makes me feel? Humble, soft, gentle, pure, light, whole, all giving and receiving, loved. It is a feeling of a feather gently spiralling to the ground and landing on the earth so softly and gracefully it makes the world stop and witness it with the heart full of love and inspiration.
Lately I have been reading Buddhism teachings and listening to some great teachers, who radiate that feeling I now know well. It exists in other people and we all have potential to reach that place where we are one, we are whole and we are loved unconditionally. When I attempt to describe it to my clients I tend to go into that space where it is alive and it radiates towards whoever is listening and the effect of it is transformational. I do wish to be able to continue transmitting that feeling whenever it is needed for my loved ones and in my work. Just writing about it all I can see in front of me is gentle waves of the ocean licking the shore and air is so still and tranquil it makes me want to cry. It is somewhat elegant, pristine, untouched and utterly beautiful. I can also smell sandalwood and lavender, feel the freshness of air, smell the saltiness of water and earthiness of the ground with my solar plexus feeling warm. I notice how all four elements are present within that feeling, which fills me with joy.
This image is becoming one of my favourite associations with the feeling I describe. Many years ago I bought this statue, but I never knew why I did and what the use of it was for me, I just picked it up and brought it home from abroad. I bought it in a junk shop in Spain, I think. It is very simple yet I have always felt it and over the years it somehow made it to the centre of my altar and stayed there without me moving it anywhere else or even touching it. It ended up to be the centre piece on my Pagan eclectic witchy altar. Only now it is slowly beginning to make sense, as I recognise the signature of the feeling I have been seeking and my attraction to the ‘peace and stillness’ of the figure resonates with my heart. I love it. I will continue my exploration of this beautifully flowing feeling I have come to discover within and seek to amplify it for the purpose of my soul’s growth and bigger development within the structure I live. I remain ever curious and open to all messages that come my way.