As I came up to the sixth gate of the underworld I had a sudden and unexpected, yet very clear, pull to take my wedding ring off. This was not planned. I took it off without hesitation and gave it away to the guard. I remember struggling to take it off, as my hand wouldn’t give. I had to be hard with it, as the purpose was way stronger than anything I wore on my body.
As I continued to the last gate preparing to un-robe I felt liberated, pure, uncluttered and in total surrender to death, to nothingness, to complete darkness where nothing and no one existed. I felt no fear, I knew I was meant to be there, I knew my purpose. It was to sacrifice my glowing heart to the Dark Goddess, so she could be touched to the depth of her soul. As she ripped my heart out of my chest and I crashed to the floor, she wept over the heart. I laid on the stone cold floor with my wolf Lizeal against my bare body. Silence, darkness, nothingness.
I spent all my dreaming night walking in my white robe through lands, using various means of transport to get somewhere. My husband, as my companion or rather a witness, remained silent and patient throughout. I dug my hands into the cool sand and wailed bowing to the ground as if saying good bye to myself. I was moaning the loss of the old, which is a stage not worth by-passing, it is all part of the initiation into new. Acknowledging your sorrow and vulnerability is part of the process and one must go with its mournful flow.
The next day, as I came back to life and was walking up to the world, at the sixth gate I picked up the ring, but it did not go back on my finger. I followed my intuition closely and the air was filled with strong intention. There was no choice in this, I was not in control, things were going to unfold and I was to go with it trusting and knowing of the higher purpose of this. I continued my journey up the stairs and back to the world and at the last gate where on my descent I surrendered my connection with the Land, I was again reunited with it and I wept with joy. Our connection was reaffirmed and solidified in marriage of souls and spirit. The ring I gave up on the way down went on my wedding finger and it felt just right. Light and pure and purposeful. The happiness that spread through me was immense and with tears of joy I bowed to the Earth that was to be my purpose, my soul, my spiritual partner for life.
I emerged from the underworld yesterday married to the land, to my life purpose, to my soul.
“I belong to the Land
I belong to the Earth
to the Moon and the stars
to lakes and mountains and mossy hills.
Let the Sun rise over the new dawn of wisdom and power
Let my voice be heard and my feet gently touch the ground
All come together as one whole
As Above, so is Below”