The last couple of months have been chaotic and traumatising. belief and faith smashing and soul shaking. I have been re-living pain and suffering, loss and betrayal and feeling that deep disappointment. The New Moon this month is not that ‘light’ way of connecting with the new, not that exciting feeling of anticipation of things to come, not propelling into action and begin creating type of vibe. It is dark, it is painful, it is stagnant, unclear and confusing. I am experiencing it as truly ‘Dark’ this month. It is called both Dark and New for a reason, as one of my strongest beliefs is that new, exciting and light comes from deep shit and darkness. When one is in a state of obliteration and deletion of all beliefs and supports previously thought good and helpful, one is in true darkness. It is lonely, it is painful and it is by far the most confusing and chaotic state one can be in. But only when you end up in a place where there is no light and everything crashed around you, only when everything disappears from your view and there is no direction you realise something needs to be born. It is a true call to action, to healing, to transformation. It is from that place of having nothing else to lose and having nothing you can rely upon, you begin to build bridges within your consciousness towards a way out, a way forward.
Ways of clearing the road, so to speak, and finding a direction again, a signpost, which leads you out of that dark and into a new place is to sit in that dark place for as long as needed first and foremost. Cry, scream, roll around in pain and witness your own being experiencing whatever painful emotions are living within you in that moment. It is a place where an escape is pointless, you don’t need an escape what you need is a clear opening, which does appear sooner or later. It is like a hand of spirit (whatever form you experience that) reaching out to you asking you to join into the light, it is like that. Things to do when in dark phase of your being and it happens to be during the New/Dark Moon for me this month are:
- Decorate your sacred space with objects, scents representative of how you feel and also include things that symbolize how you wish to feel, e.g. your favourite flowers or crystals
- Ask the God and Goddess to be your witnesses in this episode of your ‘crying out from within’
- Just sit with it, cry as much as you want and wait
- Listen, be still in awareness of your own body, the state of your mind and your emotional body
- Be raw with it, be whatever you need to be
This New Moon in a way of a ritual, I am already re-creating a space within my altar, which is a conscious ‘build’ of what is going on, so I can witness it and have it mirrored to me. I also connect with that most vulnerable, but also THE most beautiful part of myself where there is so much love and so much pain at the same time that when I invoke that being I tremble and cry uncontrollably. I need to be with ‘her’, I need to witness that wholeness that this being is in all its glory and in all its ugliness all at the same time. So tonight I will go to that place in my bedroom called a sacred space and I intend to just be with what is and listen out for any guidance that comes my way, but more than anything I need to witness myself in this new state of rebirthing and have it witnessed by deities that will be joining me. Whatever that is, it doesn’t matter. The right thing always comes at the time when one is open whether in joy or pain, it comes and you bow to that and you say, thank you for being with me. I am being with me, I am being with the whole me and I am doing this to grow, to learn, to progress and light up once again.
Image source: https://www.tumblr.com/search/screamo-bands